haiz~~~

haiz.... recently happened some stuffs at home.. sort of this volcano erupted, make me think that my burden will be bigger next yr.. can i pay sustain this kind of life... haiz~~ i been trying to rely on myself.. sort of i am quite touch tat day when my friend sms, telling me he is a good listener.. i know he is a good listener.. but i scare i will bcome to rely on him... so i rather i distance away... this yr birthday.. it should be a quiet birthday... sort of i also dun have much friends around me.. erm... but i will be away from singapore.. this is the first time, i am celebrating out of singapore.. is tat a celebration? dun think so ba, just a getaway... prepare myself for the challengers which i am going to endure when my boss is not around.

Lost~

Last sat when my friends started to ask me "List out ur future bf's characters", we will help u to keep a lookout. Sort of my mind become blank, somehow i really dunno how to answer to this question. I took quite long to answer this question. I didn't really think of what i want in a guy. Somehow i know that i am unlikely to find the right guy again. the characters list out are all the good points that i met in my ex bfs. seriously, maybe i am out of love for too long. I nvr tot of this question; nowadays i normally lean towards my good friends when i am down. But i know now i shouldn't lead on them too much, as both of them are attached. I should sort of find my own my life, instead of always relying on them. After that dinner, i met another group of friends. But this gathering didn't end of up well. Maybe being friends for too long, i dunno how to cherish friends? Or i cannot get along well with friends? since we nvr contacted for that past 3 yrs, i still can led my life pretty well. i believe that this time should be ok ba? She reminds me about how i screw up my friendship with my kor. hahahaa.. seriously kor treats me better than she treats me. Kor had been there for me whenever i need him except during the period he left me. "He" really give me a very impact; sort of when he leave me, my world is like collapsing, ever since, i start to build my wall to protect myself. That period i had a really tough time to hang on to it, especially my work was damn screwed up. the only ones that i leaned on were my sisters. Maybe without them, i will not be that independent till now. She had not know i survived through that 3 yrs. The worst thing is that we angry with me because i nvr become her referral. While my kor angry with me is because i never helped him to find jobs. Haha, maybe at the back of it, they didn't know i did try to help them but they jus don't want to listen it. anyway, all of us shall move, maybe one day we meet on each other on the streets, each of us will just turn around and walk the other way.