After so long, I had lost contact with k... This is the first time someone makes me cry... Should I be happy or should I be sad.. K had no longer had a place in my heart.. Somehow this person had slowly taken over his place, jus tat I did not notice it? Bcos he had been always there for me... Or I am jus being emotional.. Seems like I need to siam him far far away... I dun wan to get hurt... Since I know this is going to be a no ending road, why should I still continue.. Sometimes friend is still a friend.. Dun ever mix up a friend with a lover... friend is friend.... lover is lover... Maybe if Ytd nite, I dun meet up with him... At least I won't feel so bad ba? I think this time round, I had hide it away till very good... My tears only roll down when I reached hm and hide in the room... Luckily it didn't last me tat long ba... Maybe i will take a shorten time to forget him than I used to forget k?
Last nite I was telling my friend, maybe I go tw.. I will create a miracle, find a tw Bf bacK.. At least that will
Be the confirm ending between us.. he can busy entertain her... I can keep
Myself busy accompany my Bf... Then at least my feelings toward should be able to
Fade it as time passby.....
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The most scarily month that i ever had in my life
3 weeks after my uncle's funeral, we stepped into another funeral. Can't imagine that is happening to us again. The families getting smaller and smaller. People just go like this. My uncle been staying at NUH for 8 or 9 days. The last two days, he admitted to ICU. First time, i stepped into ICU, seeing how people struggle their life to survive. This time round, is so sudden. Last sunday, i went to see him with my mum. He was still ok, he still smile at me. This week, i am attending his funeral. Looks like is a joke or a drama in life. How can be possible one by one just left us within a month. Seriously i doubt i can take another blow so soon. Hahaha, that day my granny was still telling me, she wants to go. Cos her eyes are very painful. Now i really dunno how to react. If 3 weeks down the road, i going to attend funeral again. I doubt i will have the stamina to survive through, maybe i should say thanks to someone. Maybe without him training me to be that strong, i doubt i will be that strong. Now wat i can do is to look after my the families.
Seriously, i really doubt the standard that hospital provides. How can a small wound become so serious? How can a small wound become a killer? How a small wound become heart attack? If the doctors start to cure his leg first before asking him to go for this and that scan, maybe things will not be that serious?
Just now i saw my cousin, looking at her graduation photo and stone. I felt so sad.
I started to look back at my life, i feel that the most happiest birthday that i ever had is on my 21th birthday where everyone are there to celebrate with me.. Such a pity that i never took photos.
My auntie and uncle are actually my godmother and godfather.
lao tian ye.. pls.............
Seriously, i really doubt the standard that hospital provides. How can a small wound become so serious? How can a small wound become a killer? How a small wound become heart attack? If the doctors start to cure his leg first before asking him to go for this and that scan, maybe things will not be that serious?
Just now i saw my cousin, looking at her graduation photo and stone. I felt so sad.
I started to look back at my life, i feel that the most happiest birthday that i ever had is on my 21th birthday where everyone are there to celebrate with me.. Such a pity that i never took photos.
My auntie and uncle are actually my godmother and godfather.
lao tian ye.. pls.............
Monday, March 28, 2011
Haiz..
So many things happened recently.. sort of i cannot catch up with my breath.. sort of feeling to runaway from everything. I wants to take a break, after it then think how to clean up the mess. hahaha.. sound like this time round i had made a big mess..
The biggest that i made till now, might be the decision to go hk with my cousins they all. Maybe that incidents screwed up our relationship. Trying to runaway from problems, that is something that i am good at.
This time round, i am pretty surprise that i am quite strong. Or because everything happened too fast till i dunno how to react.
Guess this time round, i can write a long long story.. From young i used to go that place around this period of time. I will go there worship my grandfather. Now when i go there, feelings is so different. Seeing how sad is my cousins, i dunno wat to say. i been very stone there, so scare that i will say something wrong again. i dunno how to react, things kept floating in my mind. At the moment, my granny float in my mind. In a selfish thinking, i did asked why heaven don't swap the sequence. i think my granny will not be able to take it. She miss my uncle so much, if now she knows that he had passed away. This is going to be a very big blow to her. Now, all the siblings are so sad about this incident. My aunt even worst, she is alone in aus with her family. Now she knew about my uncle incident, she linked it with her son incident. Haiz.. I hopes July bonus is good, maybe i should take my mum for a holiday break. Maybe this time round, i will consider perth. We shall go there and visit my aunt's family. This been a very big blow to my cousin but i admire her courage and strong. Luckily they found someone who loves them a lot, will take care of them. Otherwise, i can't imagine wat will happen. My aunt been very steady, trying to settle everything by herself. Although granny always tell me, hw my aunt dun like her. I think my aunt also hate me, the stare that she gave me during these few days, i dunno wat to say. Especially the last day, the stare is scary.
I know why she hates me. From young, all bcos of my granny and my mum, i managed to go holiday trips during school holiday. My uncle brought me to bali, cameron highland, genting, cruise to penang.. He did a lot to help my family. When i am young, i owe a lot to mother's side. without them, i will not have all those memories.
My first roller coaster ride .. when i first learn how to cycle.. go pulau ubin explore.. hahaa.. all these memories are given by him.. if u asked me his gone, is it a big blow to me also? Yes, i regret i nvr cherish it. Bcos of the hk incident, i been escaping not to go my uncle's house. only till last yr, when i knew he was sicked,i went down with my mum to see him. He was very weak at that moment.. i am very useles.. whenever i hit any difficulties, i keep trying to runaway from it. During the funeral, i told my uncle, i will look after my granny. Now, i will try to spend more time with her, at least she dun feel so empty.
If one day,i lose her, what will happen to me? I also dunno. Collapse? Went Crazy? Get myself drunk? Or swallow down all my tears?
The biggest that i made till now, might be the decision to go hk with my cousins they all. Maybe that incidents screwed up our relationship. Trying to runaway from problems, that is something that i am good at.
This time round, i am pretty surprise that i am quite strong. Or because everything happened too fast till i dunno how to react.
Guess this time round, i can write a long long story.. From young i used to go that place around this period of time. I will go there worship my grandfather. Now when i go there, feelings is so different. Seeing how sad is my cousins, i dunno wat to say. i been very stone there, so scare that i will say something wrong again. i dunno how to react, things kept floating in my mind. At the moment, my granny float in my mind. In a selfish thinking, i did asked why heaven don't swap the sequence. i think my granny will not be able to take it. She miss my uncle so much, if now she knows that he had passed away. This is going to be a very big blow to her. Now, all the siblings are so sad about this incident. My aunt even worst, she is alone in aus with her family. Now she knew about my uncle incident, she linked it with her son incident. Haiz.. I hopes July bonus is good, maybe i should take my mum for a holiday break. Maybe this time round, i will consider perth. We shall go there and visit my aunt's family. This been a very big blow to my cousin but i admire her courage and strong. Luckily they found someone who loves them a lot, will take care of them. Otherwise, i can't imagine wat will happen. My aunt been very steady, trying to settle everything by herself. Although granny always tell me, hw my aunt dun like her. I think my aunt also hate me, the stare that she gave me during these few days, i dunno wat to say. Especially the last day, the stare is scary.
I know why she hates me. From young, all bcos of my granny and my mum, i managed to go holiday trips during school holiday. My uncle brought me to bali, cameron highland, genting, cruise to penang.. He did a lot to help my family. When i am young, i owe a lot to mother's side. without them, i will not have all those memories.
My first roller coaster ride .. when i first learn how to cycle.. go pulau ubin explore.. hahaa.. all these memories are given by him.. if u asked me his gone, is it a big blow to me also? Yes, i regret i nvr cherish it. Bcos of the hk incident, i been escaping not to go my uncle's house. only till last yr, when i knew he was sicked,i went down with my mum to see him. He was very weak at that moment.. i am very useles.. whenever i hit any difficulties, i keep trying to runaway from it. During the funeral, i told my uncle, i will look after my granny. Now, i will try to spend more time with her, at least she dun feel so empty.
If one day,i lose her, what will happen to me? I also dunno. Collapse? Went Crazy? Get myself drunk? Or swallow down all my tears?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Old Folks Home
Later in the afternoon, my granny will discharge from nuh. Then she will goes to there immediately she discharge.. Heart seriously feel very painful.. Now start to scare she cannot get use to there. sometimes maybe min arh.. u are just being useless. you can't take care of her.. when u are young, who protect you from your parents? who buy you computer when u need for studies? Who looks after you when your dad is in hospital? who always give u extra pocket money? who always buy breakfast for you when she is here? who always throw tantrum to her, yet she never scold you before? who always be there for you? who will help your family to solve problems within her means? who always make milo for you in the morning? who always make bread for you in the morning?
who who who who who.. who had been wu wei bi zhi de cao gu ni..
who who who who who who..
who who who who who.. who had been wu wei bi zhi de cao gu ni..
who who who who who who..
Monday, August 23, 2010
haiz...
today ah ma told me that she knows she going to stay at old folks home after she is being discharge... but she told me that she will be able to go back home.. once she recover.. my tears almost dropped out... actually i should knows the only time when she can goes back is only went she left me.. suddenly i feel so empty.. thinking abt someone nagging at me when i came back from work.. someone who will make milo for me before i go work.. someone who will make bread for me.. someone who will take care of min.. min arh.. so old, everyday still crying.. seriously hor.. after ks left me, i never felt so painful till the day went my ah ma fell down and when i know she is going old folks home... is it bcos i have very negative feelings towards old folk home or ??? i feel like depending on someone.. haha.. who can i depend on? my heart is so painful...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Feeling sad
Hahaa.. Recently been very emotional especially the day when i know grandma's admitted hospital. Actually i should get use to people will die one day and we still have to move on in life. But don't know why, everyday i will just cry behind my blanket. She is still ok but just bedridden in hospital. Something very sad is that once she discharge, she will be place in old folks home. I feel so painful but i couldn't said anything. Staying in old folks home, only good thing is that got someone to look after her. But.... sometimes at night you will see pple pass away, is tat good for one person mentally? or she already had prepared for the worst?
Recently i been very hardworking that almost everyday, i will go visit her. Next time when she moves to old folks home, how can i go and visit her everytime?
Min feels very remorseful.. Seriously when i am young, i am very rebellious.. she had a hard time to take care of me when i am young. guess this will be my breakdown point. Can't imagine that if suddenly i lost her, how long will be my breakdown point? These few days i kept thinking of the memories that she gave me, i wants to keep them and she is the only one beside my parents who dotes me. When i am young, she will try to give me watever i wants, so now i am old, i will try to give her watever she wants and she needs..
ah ma, wo ai ni .. ni shi zui teng wo de. ni bu yao you shi, wo ba zhi ji hui cheng bu zhu.
Recently i been very hardworking that almost everyday, i will go visit her. Next time when she moves to old folks home, how can i go and visit her everytime?
Min feels very remorseful.. Seriously when i am young, i am very rebellious.. she had a hard time to take care of me when i am young. guess this will be my breakdown point. Can't imagine that if suddenly i lost her, how long will be my breakdown point? These few days i kept thinking of the memories that she gave me, i wants to keep them and she is the only one beside my parents who dotes me. When i am young, she will try to give me watever i wants, so now i am old, i will try to give her watever she wants and she needs..
ah ma, wo ai ni .. ni shi zui teng wo de. ni bu yao you shi, wo ba zhi ji hui cheng bu zhu.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
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