Selfish

Maybe i had become a selfish person, i always put myself in front of others? Somehow i am a person who is not rational enough. At one moment i got a very strong urge to quit my job. But at one moment, i am touched by my bosses. They groom me up, let me learn, let me take things steps by steps. They pull me out when i am in deep shit. Do i deserve for the promotion? Seriously i don't know, my bosses kept telling me i don't meet their expectations. They expect more from me ever since of the promotion. Maybe i not use to have a more hardworking life. I need to work double harder to meet their requirements ever since the promotion. After the promotion, a lot of things had changed. Definitely, my bosses want me to put more effort in doing the stuffs. Sort of almost everyday, i sure will kana scold upside down. Maybe 4 yrs of junior life, makes me too comfortable. After these 4 days of mc, i don't know how will react when i step into office on this coming monday. Will my bosses start to question me? Or maybe i will be backstabbed? Or will i be entering office politics? Seeing what my boss wrote to another boss, makes me feel glad that i got a quite good boss. Although at times, we will bickle and argue how things should be done. As for friendship, i don't know is i screwed up or what. Somehow, i am quite sad to see the reply from my friends. Maybe old le, really become friendless. Posting the sickness on fb, is not something i want. I just want to tell them, this is the truth that i really sick till quite jialat. But somehow other pple might think i am trying to get attention. Do i want to save the friendship? Seriously, i don't know. Somehow i strongly believe friends should be build from trust. Once trust broken, i will not believe in that person anymore. When i first know you, i give u a true heart to be friends but once it is broken, i believe we will no longer be that close. Maintain as sociable friends or networking? Let time decide itself. As for family wise, of cos, i am hoping my granny will keep me accompany all the way. But somehow, i know it is impossible that she will be there for me always. I just want to try my best to make her happy and take good care of her when she is alive. I don't want next time i will regret why i let her go. Whether my friends understand or not, i don't care. Cos she is the one who is looking after me for the past 20 yrs, now is the time i do something for her. As for relationship, whenever i am down. i wlll think how good will it be, if he is there for me. Maybe as a friend ba, i seldom can find a friend that can talk so much with me. I can confide in him, no matter what happened. but now, seems like i cannot confide in anyone whenever i want to talk. Maybe bloggering is the only way to write out whatever i want.

haiz~~~

Somehow recently i feel very sian, maybe human relationship is something which i am poor at it. Dealing with friendship, my own relationship doesn't seems to work at all. Somehow, i miss her because she understand me very well. But the problem is we cannot be together. Together with her, i can eat and drink, just go very crazy.. i also dunno how to explain wat is between her. haiz~ as for another group of friends, i also dunno how to said it. To be frank, i don't like people to doubt me? or maybe i got a very temper when i am sick. Hahaha.. I also dunno.. somehow i can forget it? hahahaa.. these few days , i do miss my "sisters" but somehow i know this is wrong. Under so much pressure now, without him around me, i feel helpless but i believe i can make it through it. As for work wise, somehow i very sian. When i am push to a corner, don't come and try to ask something. cos my mind is i want to complete my stuffs, the rest of things, i dun even want to be bother or do it. =x Cruel or cold?? But this is no choice,if i dun finished my stuffs, how am i going to explain it? haiz..... very sian~~ is it time for me to change a job to start everything fresh or ????? as for relationship wise, is really a big question mark... i dun even know how to fill in the answer....