My health really went haywire

Recently, i am struck with Sciatica which causes me to lose my walking disability temporary.As long as walked or sit or stand for more than 5mins, i will feel that i am going to die bcos of the unbearable pain. No matter how many types of painkillers did not solve my problem at all. My facial expressions changes whenever the pain strikes me, i only got relieve by lying down. But lying down too much, makes my muscles getting more and more lazy.. Guess i am must be crazy, the first few weeks, i been thinking that when i woke up the next day, everything will be fine. But this is not case after a few wks, i finally woke up after my sisters came over to my place and gave me scolding.. Then i finally woke up from my dream, i need to be realistic, don't runaway from it.In the end, i went to fix an appointment with the specialist again. Somehow i am glad that i got recovered before my birthday.. Guess after this incident, i learn to be stronger and slightly more independent. Last friday, when i went out dinner with my friend.. After that, we had a drink.. Somehow i sprout out my feelings... i also dunno why i said it out so much.. hahaha... guess i still dunno wat is called love.. or maybe i will not get to understand wat is love till the day i had leave this world... At first, i might feel jealous about people falling in love.. i will be thinking when will it be my turn.. slowly.. i learn to accept the fact... i might not be able to start out a new relationship... if i dun clear my tots.. I might be tot that he is the one for me previously.. but after so many yrs.. pple will tend to change.. why am i still stuck at the same position again.. At times, i might tot that.. i gt feelings for someone.. but actually is all fake ? or i did once had feelings for that person? What i want now.. Is to build back my health and cherish whatever that is around me.. If die die cannot find the one who i want.. learn to be more independent and mature plus stronger.. Bcos i had to learn to be alone....