erm.. guess this week, i had been very blur for a lot of things.. and a lot of things didn't manage to finish it on time.. hai~~ boss seems like pressing me for a lot of stuffs.. when i wanted to leave at 6plus.. he will start to ask tat i am going arh? erm.. hai~~~~ seriously a bit tired due to june been working too much of extra hours till midnight or after 9.. i tend to apply leave to avoid working hassle and out of singapore. so many things happened these few years, i really wish to have a break.. as for relationship, i heard of my friend problem last nite. seriously, a bit of change of my mind for relationship.. but i can see tat a lot of us care for her a lot.. been discussing hw should we help out.. planning to ask her out.. guess this are wat buddies called? maybe these few years had strengten the bond between all of us? when someone in trouble, there will be a few of us be there for each other? i rememebered last time when i am down.. shifu and yy are there for me.. while kelvin they all will asked me out for dinner and hear me crying? or eat sashimi with me? or bulldog asked me to go clubbing hoping to cheer me up?

if u asked me whether i had forgotten him? seriously i duno, the answer is not within myself.. last three years been dependent on him too much.. now without him, i had survived for a year but i realised that time passes very slow.. i tot it had been a long long time tat i ever lose him but i realised the answer is no.. he still live within me.. i dunno whether u will come to read my blog? or whether u still want to hear any news from me.. seriously, i do miss u.. i dunno why i had fallen tat deep for you.. i miss the times with you.. tat day when i am talking to my colleague... dunno why we jump to a topic called coooking... i recalled the times when we discussing cooking together.. u been very sacaristic abt i dunno how to wash the pig intestine.. i even had to ask mum abt it... seriously i dunno how jiejie or jiefu did to forget each other.. bcos they betray each other love beforehand? tat's why they can forget the times they spend together? hw u become so cruel to me? left me without saying anything? dun u know min is very weak? pple been asking me abt u? world cup start? i even bother u and your friend how to bet on soccer when the 4 years ago it starts.. i like soccer bcos of u ?? or my gd friend? i know all of them had bcome a memoery.. it will never return.. i should had forget abt it.. but i lose le..

2002 - 4 years ago world cup starts... u teached me hw to bet on soccer.. from there onwards.. sometimes i will watch soccer or even bet on it.. if i didn't remember wrongly, the first match i watch was turkey vs south korea.. i even complain to u ... i lose $5.. then no money to eat for tmr.. hw.. sob sob.. your reply is just.. hai~~ ask u dun bet le.. u still want to bet.. from there onwards, whenever my gd friend saw me she will asked me.. how soccer? how u and him? i been telling her.. we are nt together but dunno why she keep asking me abt u... during my 21th birthday.. u did not appear at all.. if i am not wrong, i didn't tell u abt tat.. even i tell u abt tat, u will nt appear cos u had already left me without saying a word.. seriously, i damn hurt abt it.. but wat i can do is to face the fact? korkor will tell me dun be silly.. i told u beforehand but u are the one who insist to let yourself fall inside the well.. jiefu always hear me cries when u are nt ard.. jiefu.. wo shi bu shi heng sha? guess is time to wake up right? u pass me the books tat i can read it as reference for my project.. we study our exams by holding on the phone..

2003 - i went to aus due to my auntie? before i leave, i was wondering.. can i adapt it? been sticking with u so frequently.. daily phonecalls.. go there.. no phonecall.. no online.. before i leave.. i used a lie.. been acting smart trying to test hw u feel for me.. silly gal.. she did a wrong thing again.. i told u i did nt get my pay before i leave singapore.. go there sure bcome begger.. a day before i leave.. u called me.. asked me hw much i need and u really transfer to me.. from tat moment.. min really fell herself deep le.. in the plane.. she been talking to her cousin of u.. when i hit turbolence.. i am really afarid.. i never been on the plane for 10 years.. i email u when i reached there.. but u refuse to pick up the phonecall when i leave sg bcos of wat? when i come back , i called u once when i reached the terminal.. but again u refused to pick up the call.. of cos i will grumble in front of jiefu.. slowly things getting better..

2004 - guess this was the time jiefu and jiejie relationship getting shaky while.. i lose my cousin.. there is a time when u called me.. and i hang up your phone when i am alone in the aiport.. i told myself i will nt turn back to something which there is going to be no ending.. i will work hard make sure i dun let him disappointed.. i choose to send u some msg tat u will always ignore and said i am silly.. u called me once u saw those msgs.. and i hang up the phone.. while i sit in the aiport crying alone.. i board the plane 1 year ago.. he was perfectly fine tat time but just feel very tired.. 8 months later, he passed away.. maybe to u.. u will think nothing cos he is so far away from me... but to u know tat.. my auntie been treating me very well since i am young. tat was the bonding they had for me.. when i am young, everyone tend to be ard to protect me no matter how wildful i am, how bad-tempered.. tat's why when i grow older i tend to have the bond with them.. guess tat was when we had a crack.. not long after tat.. u left sg and went to china for a mth.. u are a great lier.. very coincidently tat day when u msg me, i woke up very early.. u just said min take care.. i called u.. u deny tat u are at the airport and we chatted for a while before u board the plane.. u refuse to tell me when u come back also.. am i really tat annoying to u during tat time? why can't u be frank to me.. a few wks after u left, korkor admitted hospital.. korkor was annoyed tat i leave the hospital after 5 mins of appearance and before he went for operation.. seriously i am very scared.. i always so sha.. u will always tell min.. "min.. dun scare.. must steady.." korkor was so angry with me no matter hw many calls i call or hw many msg tat i send.. guess tat is also when korkor and my bond start to crack too.. tat was a period without both of u.. u all been with me walk thru so many obstacles yet at one time.. u all leave me subsequently..

2005- u are back and we do stil keep in contact but nt tat close.. during my fyp.. i admit is almost everyday? why? bcos u want to encourage me till the end of day when i am in nyp.. the last call from u was when i am at the last day at nyp.. and sometimes maybe u will reply my msg or sms me asking wat is the last bus in orchard.. during these period.. korkor still accept my apologies.. i found myself a job... we chatted online.. tat was when we reached a stage of cold war... from someone who i am knows to stranger guy.. u promise tat no matter wat happened, u will be there for me.. tat was a lied.. during october.. i avoid to meet korkor and his friend.. guess he was angried.. and is he turn to go to indonesia without saying goodbye.. during my birthday.. he did not appear also cos he was in indonesia... while my grandpa admitted to hospital.. a day before the celebration, i got to know he had contracted cancer and the cancer had grown to be too big tat doctor advised nt to go for operation.. hai~~~~ during december, u left sg again.. u went to taiwan to attend your gd friend wedding.. again.. u lied to me.. u sms me before u leave again.. min take care.. u willing to be so cold hearted to her.. why u still want to ask her to take care.. during tat time when she saw tat msg.. she tot is just a normal msg.. nothing special.. but a few days later.. she realised tat u had went to taiwan bcos u no longer online...

2006 - u let min see the pic tat u took with your gd friend and his finance.. this is the first time tat min saw your gd friend aka buddy who know since u are in sec.. guess 3 mths after tat... my grandpa passed away.. i told u once i heard the news.. u didn't mention anything.. u did not sms or call me neither and console... or u dunno wat to say? a few days after my grandpa passed away, it was your birthday.. i didn't went out for lunch.. i am alone in the office.. thinking wat should i do.. in the end.. i still bought a card... thinking wat to write.. standing outside the post office like a silly girl.. walking tro and fro, hesitating whether should she send the greeting to u or not.. in the end, she still send it out.. u just msn her saying thank you.. while she scold u back with a lot of stuffs.. u changed your tempered a lot since min know u in 2002.. u changed bcos of her? haha.. min.. dun be silly can? such a gd guy won't had fall in love with you.. he had never love u before, u are just falling in a one sided relationship am i right? u treat her so good bcos of sympathy right? can u tell me earilier.. but u broke my heart... i didn't realise tat u had bcome so impt in my life until i lose u...

hw can i pushed all the blames to u.. i had my faults too.. guess i still dun understand relationship well. i dunno hw to differentiatie dependent/love/responsibilities.. i dunno why i will write out this nonesense out.. but tat's was my feelings towards u.. now?? i really dunno.. i start to be lose again... nanny? piggy? u??