Nothing interesting..

Last time when i am young, i will write happy and unhappy stuffs inside my dairy.. As when i go in to Poly, i got nothing much to wrote or i moved my dairy to an online blog. Only a few friends knows that i got this blog which i wrote some stupid stuffs that i encountered at times. I always like to use a nick called 'Shamin'. Min, this nick is given by someone. I wondering why would he called me that bcos ??? Slowly i called myself. Why shamin? cos i am always sha sha de, tot that this world is as naive as me. I am just a small little woman in this world, no longer a kid but of course in my parents' eyes, they always treat me as a child. That's why i never said anything when me and him are over.

Why i mention him again?

Erm.. Supposing he should not be mention in this blog anymore. Seriously he had been helping me throughout my poly life. Maybe if i don't have him, my poly life will be much more fruitful. As compare to others, i just lead in a world of my own and with few of my buddies. They had been with me when i am down. See the childish side of me. See me crying at orchard mrt station. That was an ugly side of me. I am being too emotional. Most people sees me cried before, i am just me. I am very emotional cos maybe i had a too peaceful life when i am young. There wasn't much things that i am sad about. Just some personal stuffs.

These few years, i had been through quite a lot but as compare to those that are much more unfortunate than me. I am consider much more better, therefore dun grumble so much le. I had lose my cousin and my grandfather.

My Cousin :
In my whole entire life, i only saw my cousin twice during my trip to australia,perth. Why would i be sad about someone that is so far away from me? He was considered a stranger to me, right? I grow up from a very traditional family. What to do with traditional? When i am young, i am a spolit brat. There were things that i always go against my parents or everyone. When i am not happy, i will throw my temper. My uncles and aunties they all still pamper me a lot. Of cos i dun grow from a rich family. My uncles and aunties once in a while they will shower me with gifts. So what i had for them was grattitude. When my cousin passed away that day, i told myself i will not let him down. I will fulfill his wishes. Am i being too young and irrational? I did had a very good results for that semester. Seriously i never considered of working in IT line but heaven gives me a path to walk. There wasn't any company wants to hire me except my precious company and my current company. Of cos, i promised myself to let go of him(the guy) that moment. I know there wasn't any endings for both of us. Stopped it and take care of everyone else wasn't that better? I promised myself i will be there whenever anyones need me. Slowly family becomes my first option. Two weeks later, i regret, i turned back to find him again but i know this time i lost already. Did i hurt him? Maybe i did, when i needs him,i wants him to be with me. I never stand at his point of view before, furthermore i always throw my xiao jie's temper on him. How would he be able to take it? Or maybe all the while, he treats me as a companion. But most of times was he hear my grumble.

Grandpa :
Two years back, on the chinese new year eve...

Tat was the last time he called us to go down for renioun dinner. It was also the last cny that we had spent with him. Do i still miss him? Seriously, i duno, i feel complex. Of cos what he did to my father was something that i hate him. On the day he died, my father cried when he was driving. That was wat mum told me about. Therefore i told myself, "Min, you can't cried. You are old enough le, you should take in consider of your parents feelings." I did not shed a tear at all throughout the 4 nites of funeral, i even took leave for that four days. I didn't stay there at nite, cos i am not close with my cousins over there. Tat was one of the reason why i dun like to attend any family gathering whenever there is. I will try ways to run away or ask someone to accompany me on renioun nite after the dinner. I cried on the last day when i saw everyone cried. Haha... Is like ridiculous..Have you seen one family took a photos on funeral? I really think is crazy. When we were at mandai, much more ridiculous, someone took photos when the body was going ceremate. I almost busted into laughter, it should be a sad moments. Why should i busted into laughter while everyone arounds me were crying? I just feel unfair and he always showed biased. Ended up, i cried.. Memories float in my mind as the body slowly moving away from us. When i am young, i am always with him. When i am sick at primary school, he was the one wait for me downstair and bring me to granny house. He brought us to swimming on weekends. On his birthday or any celebration, we were always go xiao hong lou or gold coast to eat seafood. I went kasu with him and my other cousins. Without him, i might not be able to change school and met my sec buddies. Without him, i wouldn't be able to take the market merchant busary. Seriously bcos of him, tat's why i got it, why i still care whether i need to spilt the money with my cousin or not. After that incident, it tore us apart. We will just say hi and bye. Tat's all.. As not to throw my father alone each time during family gathering. I will try to attend it but each time with msgs and phone. Last year was the most quiet gathering. Nothing much happened. Cos whenever there was gathering, very coincidently, i am not in town. They always last min, i had already booked the tickets le. Too late to cancel it. A few blocks away, yet i had almost one year never see my grandmother le.

My ah-ma (mother's mother)

she was someone much more different from anyone. of cos i loves her more than anyone else. when i am young, she always travelled ard from bukit panjang to jurong and to mp within a week. During weekend, she will be at my house. Every morning, she will go downstairs and get us breakfast. This da xiao jie always sleep until very late and always throw temper dun want to eat bcos is too cold. When my father was in hosptial, she was here to accompany us. She dotes me a lot. As times goes by, i also slowly grows up. That's why whenever she need something, i will try to get it for her. Cos i love her, i dun want to lose her. I don't want anything to happen to her. Hahah.. everyone knows she is impt to me. There was a time when she fells down. My cousin called me. I went down to visit her. She was just a very nice lady. I still remembered, i always called nanny.. Actually i hoping nanny to bring her to see doctor but i just couldn't bring it to open my mouth.

Hahah.. Why i wrote so much of this?

my cousin today crying on the phone telling me that the guy she liked had gf already. today i need to monitor jobs closely, there is no way for me to go out for the whole day. therefore guess i need to find some ways to cheer her up..

of cos last month i offended justin. he cursed me to met him and his gf on the streets. his looks had slowly fade away from me le although i still hope to knows news from him. But i know it is impossible.

3 years ago and now, min had changed already. No longer is last time that min le. I think she is slowly growing to be much more mature and stronger. I hopes this is not going to be smoke only.