Erm.......

sha gua 有个死穴.. 其实我很怕,我没有把握会及格,无论如何我也要拼了命去考吧.. 希望我不会让大家失望..

有一个人陪了我二十六年, 最近她生病了.. 可能有一天,她会把我忘了.. 可是我一定不会忘了她曾经给我的爱.当我爸爸进医院时,是她陪在我和妈妈的生边. 每次她一定会在我们身边,遮风挡雨.. 也是应为她,我才有机会出国.. 每当我在房里时,我会想起她.. 如果有一天她真的走了,我会撑得下去吗?

wo hao bu kai xin

hahaa.. seriously acting in front of everyone, i am ok.. really looks so fake.. haha..

today my cousin told me.. she wondering whether my granny will survive thru next year chinese new year or not? hahaa.. should i be happy or should i be sad or maybe i should really ponder about this question? to me, family is very impt to me. maybe bcos from young, i am being shield from stormy days by family. she told me, once my granny pass away, we will not celebrate cny anymore. if one day, my granny pass away, will i be able to take it? or i will still be able to be professional to act as nothing happened and move on with it.

我老了，我也应该了解生死病老是常有的事。。

忘了你

忘了你， 让我从新的站起来也变得更加坚强。可是最进这些事情把我累坏了。我很贪心很想你在我身边以一个朋友的身份教教我应该如何做。Haiz.... 烦烦。。 

A Dream

最近我的伤口一直被挖开,可是我已经把他忘了,从新开始生活了.. 可是昨天的一场梦把我吓坏了.. 我梦见他和别人结婚了,也有一个幸福的家..我一直哭个不停,我是真的哭,还是在梦里哭.. 可是起来时我的眼睛好干... 其实如果当初我听了korkor 的话,说不定我现在已经得到我的幸福了.. 哈哈.. 可能,我对自己太过有信心了,以为他对我好是因为他喜欢我... 傻傻的还以为,他就是我的老公.. 哈哈... 我真的觉得我好苯,好天真.. 现在的我,没有想躲在爱人的环抱,我想躲在家里和朋友的环里.. 我是真的有很多很好的男性朋友, 可是我们都不会有开花结果的.. 因为经历了和他的事,我开始分不清什么是爱情与友情.. 而且,我没有那个美丽吸引到任何一位男人...

今年， 应该不会有那么多人陪我过生日，今年我应该会跟家里人庆祝吧。。 也会躲在genting到我生日那一天才回来跟papa度过吧。可能是应为家里这几个月家里发生了很多事，从我才一点失去了我的最爱，到她好了很多。。 是时候在家里多陪一下我爱的人。。

其实如果以前我没有假假的想知道你对我的感觉，可能我们还是好朋友。。 现在我对你的影响也开始越来越模糊了。。 我只有记得你说过的，min ai zai.. 不如老天爷，你给我一杯忘情水，把你给我的回忆洗掉，还是给我一个比你更疼爱我的人出现在我面前。。

Erm...

Erm... Nowadays my sunday are burn out. Most of the time, i will spend my time at old folks home. Time passes very fast, it had been one month she stayed there. But from her face, i can see that she is not very willingly to stay there. Not too bad, i still manage to send her mooncake on mooncake's festival. If one day, i can get marry? will she still be at my side? on last sat, i am still so proud of myself that i can finally forget about him. at this moment, suddenly feel so empty, hoping that someone will be with me.. whenever i go visit her.. although she never open her mouth asking where is my the other half, i guess she would wants me to find one and settle down.

School going to start soon, i will be more busy as compare to now. My team lead trying to pull me back to the grade that i had for this year.. i had to try harder to push for my apa if i am planning to stay in this company.. all of these will be a big question mark.. whether i will stay here till july or not..

Old Folks Home

Later in the afternoon, my granny will discharge from nuh. Then she will goes to there immediately she discharge.. Heart seriously feel very painful.. Now start to scare she cannot get use to there. sometimes maybe min arh.. u are just being useless. you can't take care of her.. when u are young, who protect you from your parents? who buy you computer when u need for studies? Who looks after you when your dad is in hospital? who always give u extra pocket money? who always buy breakfast for you when she is here? who always throw tantrum to her, yet she never scold you before? who always be there for you? who will help your family to solve problems within her means? who always make milo for you in the morning? who always make bread for you in the morning?

who who who who who.. who had been wu wei bi zhi de cao gu ni..

who who who who who who..

haiz...

today ah ma told me that she knows she going to stay at old folks home after she is being discharge... but she told me that she will be able to go back home.. once she recover.. my tears almost dropped out... actually i should knows the only time when she can goes back is only went she left me.. suddenly i feel so empty.. thinking abt someone nagging at me when i came back from work.. someone who will make milo for me before i go work.. someone who will make bread for me.. someone who will take care of min.. min arh.. so old, everyday still crying.. seriously hor.. after ks left me, i never felt so painful till the day went my ah ma fell down and when i know she is going old folks home... is it bcos i have very negative feelings towards old folk home or ??? i feel like depending on someone.. haha.. who can i depend on? my heart is so painful...

Feeling sad

Hahaa.. Recently been very emotional especially the day when i know grandma's admitted hospital. Actually i should get use to people will die one day and we still have to move on in life. But don't know why, everyday i will just cry behind my blanket. She is still ok but just bedridden in hospital. Something very sad is that once she discharge, she will be place in old folks home. I feel so painful but i couldn't said anything. Staying in old folks home, only good thing is that got someone to look after her. But.... sometimes at night you will see pple pass away, is tat good for one person mentally? or she already had prepared for the worst?

Recently i been very hardworking that almost everyday, i will go visit her. Next time when she moves to old folks home, how can i go and visit her everytime?

Min feels very remorseful.. Seriously when i am young, i am very rebellious.. she had a hard time to take care of me when i am young. guess this will be my breakdown point. Can't imagine that if suddenly i lost her, how long will be my breakdown point? These few days i kept thinking of the memories that she gave me, i wants to keep them and she is the only one beside my parents who dotes me. When i am young, she will try to give me watever i wants, so now i am old, i will try to give her watever she wants and she needs..

ah ma, wo ai ni .. ni shi zui teng wo de. ni bu yao you shi, wo ba zhi ji hui cheng bu zhu.

Confused~~ Puzzled~~

I had a confused feeling, wondering whether do i like him or ? hahaa.. comedy.. min arh min.. u told yrself before u will not fall in love with any of yr gd friend.. step out hor.. dun step into the line again for fire.. hahahaahaa..

this feeling should be able to fade away soon ba~~~ hopefully i can meet the correct one soon.. otherwise i will die arh.. =x

其实我心里还放不下`。。

哈哈。。 我是真的爱上他， 还是我依赖他？心里真的感到怪怪的。。 我们两也分开了那么久，为什么心里还是怪怪的。是我不肯放开手还是应为我还没有谈恋爱。。 可能自己没有那个魅力，吸引到你。如果我们在一起又会有这么的结局？说不定我们还是以分手的结局收场。。

就像我跟korkor有同一样的结局。在也没有像以前那么好了。。 我同时间失去了两个好朋友。。

心里有何感觉？我也不清楚。。

其实min没有那么坚强

哈哈!! 我觉得有些时候我非常地好胜,可是其实我也有软弱的一面. 我好像把它深深埋起来,不可别人看到我那一面. 最近也发生了很多事情,我也有一点吓坏了. 那天,我拿了半天,冲忙得赶下去NUH. 因为早上外婆就不舒服了,一大清早就说要去医院.妈妈说她可以应付,叫我别谈心,放心的去做工. 心理好担心可是还是硬着头皮去做工,要到下午时,我给妈妈打给电话,她说她还没看医. 也找不到我叔叔,所以我就拿了半天,下去医院. 到了那里,我看着妈妈担心的脸孔,坐在那里等着我来.我带着她们去了急症室求医. 一副不怕的表情,cool cool 的登记.我还被护士说你不会英文阿! 真是他妈的,老人家不好意思说出口,我那里会知道.

人与人之间的相处就象在走在危险的干丝，一不小心的踩错一步就会把两人之间的脆弱的瓜关系给破坏了

life....

Recently, i starts school already. Can imagine that i study for so long yet, i still haven't graduate.. Really is miss stupid.. Miss stupid put all her heart in work or she just dun like to study?

As for work.. i also dunno hw to said.. Have here become my comfort zone that i dun wish to move? or ????

Hahaha.. Actually i am a woman that xin dong very easily.. Am i someone easy to understand or someone very hard to understand. He seems to understand me so well. Or just by coincidence that he knows me too well. But we two won't be possible to be together. I dun wish history reappear again. Once is enough, i had learnt my lesson. Time to move forward, find a good guy and settle down. Don't act to be cool.. Hahaha..

A few weeks ago, mummy told me that they are planning to put my granny to old folk homes.. I feel so sad.. cried a few nights.. I also know that granny's health deteriorating as time passes.. But i really hopes she can see me settle down before she left me..

haiz.... headache~~~

.....

Really speechless.. i also don't know what i wants in life.. Pls enlighten me..

Hahaha.. Really Crappy leh.. the insurance acting like my close friend like that.. Talk so much rubbish with me.. or recently, i become more and more crappy.. =x

hai~~ recently quite sad.. my back once in while, will give me problem... sob sob.. seems like my health is giving me green light.. =x

love? like? old feelings?

dunno why today mood jus feeling not good.. maybe recently happened too many things and too sudden.. ytd i had a dream that i met him and he introduce me his gf to me. Izzit bcos i still couldn't forget about him? Am i really so stubborn? Or he really hurts me so badly? Or i am just so crazy about him? or i just being emo?

ytd i went out with someone after i came back from my auntie's house. Haha.. somehow, i dunno why.. i gt feelings towards him.. when looking at him.. question starts to float in my mind. Is he the correct one? or only one sided? or ?? my mind just went haywire.. haha.. he said my face looks very sad.. cny saw my face also sian.. haha.. maybe bcos of the past, i will think carefully before i stepped into a new relationship? i met my neighbours at macdonald. Opps, guess everyone will think that he is my bf. Erm.. before he went to meet his friends, he just mumble something but i really dunno what he is trying to said. i.............. haiz....

work... recently been really too stressed up for me.. and studies really forcing me quite badly.. hopefully after this wk, i will feel better...

Tough

Tough is the only word i can describe how i feel now.. haha..

Seriously i am standing at a very difficult position.. I choose not to gave up my freedom but now struggling damn hard to finish my assignment. Haiz~~

Stepping into another project really bring me big trouble. In this fire-fighting project, i really learn a lot of things. haha.. Can i finish or not.. haha... =D

Singapore flyer

This place had a certain meanings for me. Before it
is build, I always hope he is the one who going to accompany me to the top
of the flyer but this did not come true. Haha..

How have i been recently

Erm.. Recently been busy with studies and work. Hahaah... Sad hor.. this year cny cum vday.. nobody accompany me to celebrate my vday..

Today very funny.. i was trying to check my air ticket to bkk.. Therefore,i need to go out and send email.. keekekekee.. =D Uncle came in wor.. lol.. =D he saw me go to job website.. hahaha.. sometimes is happy to see uncle.. he very nice.. but there are times his face very black. Consider he is approachable.. he asked me.. really got so bad that cannot tahan until june.. Actually hor.. i also dunno whether i will change my job or not. But at the current moment, guess all of us are very tired.. tat's why we keep saying we wants to change of environment.. seriously now still not as bad as wat i had in my ex-company..

Surprising..

Haha.. Surprisingly, this year i head my friends advice. haha.. I trying to keep myself from eating that often and cut down on my intake.. haha.. is time to control my appetite. 自甘堕落了那么久，应该觉悟了吧！糊里糊涂得过了大半辈子，我真的还要这样的过下去吗？ haha.. recently, Light challenge me.. haha.. I told him i am on diet.. haha... he gave me one year plus he said i confirm cannot make it. these few years, korkor nagging.. my gd pals challenge.. even my close friend also left me.. my poly friends saying.. haha.. i still did not do anything towards till everyone also give up on me.. now suddenly someone challenge me again.. if i still dun do anything hor.. i think i am hopeless.. Now i need to prove to myself that i am not hopeless.. If i have the determination, i can do something towards it. No matter is bcos of my happiness or wat. I believe this will help out in my health. As my health started to give me warning that my heart getting weaker le.. still dun do anything hor... guess one day, i will be lying at the operation table waiting for heart transplant le..

Being very stupid... i went to visit fortune teller last weekend.. wahaha.. :P That lady was telling me.. someone is going after u, right? i said no.. haha.. i am still single.. she said my fate will fly from oversea.. haha.. do u mean him? haha.. i no longer contact with him le.. Guess he already got married le.. My cousin asked me a stupid question on xmas eve. If he is back, will u still wants to get back with him. I said "No". He will no longer be the person who i like/love at that time. So many years had gone, maybe i haven changed or maybe i bcome worst. More childish, more petty, look worst.. haha.. But definitely he will change.. in the first place, he already more mature than me.. Something which i dun willingly to let go is, he taught me to become more mature than i am, learning to be more independent, dun always be a crybaby. I just miss those stupid periods.. haha.. someone pamper me and someone who will always be there for me. but when something bad happens on him.. he will never need me to be at his side. Haha.. maybe i can conclude that when min is down, friends are ard her. But when her friends are down, she is unreachable or not contactable. Tat's why pple leave her. And now she is trying hard to recoup the loses.

As for career wise, she said i had the thinking of quitting. Haha.. I did have the tot of leaving and runaway from things. This is something i am very capable. Running away is also the way which i wants when things turn upside down. Haha.. But she said at the current environment, i am not that stress and not that worst. But of cos there are always downfall. Overall, here is still not so bad. Hahaha.. I agreed, here of cos not as bad as my previous company. I been thru so many hardship there le, while here a little bit, i already feel like giving up. So TIMID!! haha.. :D Mainly bcos of my gd friends are over there. They are my motivation to work, they will be there with me. Haha.. :P while here, i dun really had a lot of friends ba..
haha.. Sometimes my ex-colleagues will meet up with me for lunches or dinner.. I feel that i am not forgotten.. Hahaa.. Going back to my ex-company? Hahaa.. Unless my director offers me to go back. Otherwise i doubt, i will go back ba. So ma lu, walked one big round, still goes back there. Furthermore, there used to be hell for me and i grumble so much lor.. :P

Min, Jia you.. No matter how hard is it, friends will stand by you. Hahaha.. That was what one of my friends told me.. :P

kekekee.. :D

Happy New Year~~

kekee..谢谢你... =) 你放开了我.. =p 我也希望我可以慢慢的放开了你。。 也希望新的一年我也可以找到一个疼我，爱我的男人。。 =）