erm.. so fast.. another two weeks passed le, my contract going to end soon. will i be able to extend? or i be able to renew contract? Although i grumble a lot abt this job, i can admit that this job pay is quite high. I might not be able find this pay outside the market. Or either tat i might nt be able to go out with my colleagues after work? or nobody to accompany me for lunch time? As from long time ago, i knew that i am nt tat independent as wat other pple tot of. I can't do things alone, always want pple to accompany. No matter is shopping, gym, sports activities, oversea trip or even lunch. I just can't make myself to survive on my own. why? alone? lonely? Or maybe i feel that human tends to like to have a companion. Why does pple tend to or yearn to step into a relationship? For my opinion, bcos we all yearns to get protect or protect others to show that u are strong. When you are down, you will hope to find a hand reaching out there to hold you and make sure u won't get hurt. Humans are selfish, they want to find a shelter and someone who will be there when they need it. That's why pple wants to step into a relationship. Long long time ago when i am still studying sec 4 ba, i met D. He asked me a question, between friends and bf, who will you choose? My answer to him was FRIENDS!! Am i very silly to make this decision? As recalled back, i remember i asked my friend about this question. She answer me the same thing and she told me that the guy who she love, asked her the same thing. hai~~~maybe we scarficed our relationship to maintain a friendship but ended the friendship also turn sour and just that everyone is trying very hard to save it. Whether it can be save or not, all depend on the person herself.

My life seems to be only revolving between work, work and work.. I planned to work and study at the same time. Am i trying to be very silly? Maybe i just want to keep myself busy instead of give myself more free time to think of something else. My life is no longer that happening as wat was in the past. Last time, might go clubbing with ester they all or drinking session with some friends.. guess i had stopped drining for quite a while.. or maybe bcos pple ard me seldom drink, tat's why stopped me for drinking.. but i can't deny tat my friend, mr bulldog, asking me to join he and his friends for drinking session.. haha.. but i keep rejecting..

Last two weeks, nothing much happened at all. I did not meet nanny on his birthday due to i got a bad cold. I fall sick immediately after the last post. Took one day of mc and stopped all medication. Don't know how i recover from my illness by stopping eating medicine? Or maybe next time i should not eat medicine, therefore i can recovered faster?

Last wk, i got ard 6 birthdays.... Although i miss nanny birthday, sat i went for two birthday celebration. One was with my poly friends, it was at suntec city sizzler. My friend gave us a treat, from her, i get to know that one of my poly friend got married at the age of 24. Furthermore, he is a guy.. Can you believe it? His wedding was in indonesia and his wife is a bit older than him. Ard evening, i met my secondary friends. Sort of there are abt 3 birthday boys there and another birthday boy was in hospital. They went to swensen at marina square, i did not had another meal there but ate free ice-cream by my gd friend.. lol.. :P Sad to said that the two girls who i am close with are not there. I was sort like alone there, although there is another girl there, i am not very close with her. We did not even said hi.. see lah.. so jialat.. hai~~ but lucky.. my gay friends all there.. i tend to hide between g and anton.. lol.. : P They keep me accompany throughout the whole nite. When they go play game, me and g went for coffee. We had a short chat but i realised that i dun understand as wat i had for other.. He seems like changes a lot.. Just when we walking towards the train station, we all lost each other.. haha.. split into different grp.. When i preparing to board the train, kelvin stopped me and anton. Ended up, we did not went home. We went to cafe cartel, actually we want to go haagan daz, maybe bcos evening time i keep saying i want to go haagan daz but anton thinks that is too ex.. in the end, we went to cafe cartel to have another round of drink. From there i can see my friend happiness, haha.. yy.. in case u know.. i will keep as a secret.. will not mention i saw whose face having happiness.. bcos we promised watever was said at that nite will not go out of it.. he was happily on the phone while me and the guy walked aimlessly.. Now i finally understand last time i was on the phone with XX, while i left my friends walking aimlessly.. but lucky still got someone else accompany me.. From him, i saw the past of me, how happily i am to be with XX.. How i am being protected by him ba? We encouraged him to confess but he said maybe not. Guess maybe i got a very bad experience, tat's why i asked him to confess it rather than next time he might get hurt. As for the chalet, i challenged both of them to bring there gfs. Erm? Am i being very bad? Erm? Am i considered single now? I dunno whether i am being attached or i am single? So far yet so near? My relationship was in a mess. Of cos, they send me a challenge was to bring my bf there? hahaha.. :P Nanny asked me wat i wan for birthday. I had the same answer as i told yy. I want a DIAMOND.. i am being too gready le ba.. HAHAHA!~~! Seriously, i want nothing bcos most of the stuffs i can get by myself.. Or i just want a simple life? Saw how my colleagues was so happy in her relationship.. i am so happy for her.. and tat's why i yearn to have the same feeling also.. but guess till now i still can't accept any relationship.. cos.. i am still not very stable to accept it. I am utlimately sorry if i rejected anything.

As for the chalet, of cos my gd friend challenge me... He wants me to get drunk on tat day... haha.. i hopefully i will get drunk also.. and the pain inside me might just fade away.. and can accept reality and not keep staying in my neverland. Although i am yearn to go to the chalet, if i couldn't be normal tat day.. Guess the best is i will not attend it.. i dun wish to spolit the fun..

Anyway next weekend, i will be leaving singapore for a short trip again..