Changi Airport is a place where i always tend to hide when i am down.. why? Nobody will knows why i loved that place so much..or either why i always want to go there. Nothing is special over there, nobody will wants to go unless he or she is leaving sg. Maybe since secondary school days, CA is a place where we always hangout. A place where most of us will celebrate our birthday. Last year, i went with nanny to celebrate my 21th birthday at T1 Swensen. T1 swensen had always been the one where we hang out frequently. It gives me ton of memories.
A few years ago, we belong to a group of carefree people. We not think about relationship just hanging around each other. As time passes, a few of us had entered relationship path, how many of us really maintain a relationship? how many of us make scarfices for his/her relationship. Wat it turn out to be? I am not a person good at talking but i am a person who is good at behave like kid. Not to deny, although i am turning 22 years old in a few days time, I still behave like a kid. I am an indecisive person, i may do this but i am thinking of something else. I tends to cry easily nowaday, due to stress or pressure from work? or due to a pain inside my heart. I couldn't find a way out.. Guess i am stuck.. Seriously, i dun even know wat i want for birthday present... hahaa.. i dun lack of anything, currently i am not going after for branded stuffs but i dare not said i will not go after it. hahaha... :P pple ard me are wearing/buying branded.. haha.. maybe one day, i can't stand tempation, i will go after it. guess i just want care from pple.. haha... maybe i too weak le...
As for relationship, i really envy or maybe jealous ba.. When u go on the streets, how many of the couples can last till forever? how many couples still hold hands like when they are ard 60s or older.. Maybe i do not have the confident of stepping into a relationship or maybe i am scare of getting hurt. Cos is really painful when u fall for someone yet mayb he/she nt the one meant for you or maybe it only last for a few years. I am not saying that nowadays no relationship will last forever. But is the way you see things.. If you can't cherish wat he/she is, there is no way things will last. As time passes, he/she will change. Can you still accept that she/he turns old or bcome bald or have a big tummy or thick makeups or fatter or etc........ Nowadays in this society, there are more than enuff tempations that who can promised that they will never go astray.. Can a relationship really last as long as wat the elders had ? Are our thinkings in sink with their thinkings? Guess nope...
Last Saturday, i went to attend wedding dinner at suntec convention centre. As usual, was a big of group of us but one person is missing tat is grandpa. He is no longer participating in any event/function with us, yet i still see a shadow of him ard us. Maybe i do not have enuff sleep, that's why i am dreaming ba. Everybody was stunned when they heard that sometimes i worked till 2 to 3am. The bridegroom is so how my relative, as the bride was someone from china? Erm.. As usual, we don't know anything abt her. Is only heard that they met in China and they are working in the same company. But to me, she looks like a singaporean more than from shanghai. After they get married, they will go back to shanghai to contiune to carry on with their fairytale. Maybe at the point of the moment, i got think that when is going to be my chance to pursue my fairytale to start. haha.. maybe there won't be any fairytale happening in my life.
As pple ard me of so called pple who can been with me walking thru my relationship life with me.. They tend to suffer a lot cos i changed my mind a lot. I may said i love you but in the end i want to break cos i thinking i am dun suit you. Or maybe u should derserve someone better than me or maybe we shouldn't drag things for so long. we should go seperate ways..i hurt myself too often till i tot i am numb, i no longer had any feeling... but when he left me.. i tot i am fine, i will be ok with it.. till now i still dun understand.. when i am watching a movie/drama and it tend to have a sad ending, the pain inside me grows and i burst into tears.. why? stress? or unhappiness abt work? or ???
Tomorrow, i had a date with my director.. sigh~~ can i control my emotions? Can i control my words? Those pple who knows me well should know that, i am not good at controlling words.. therefore.. a bit........... hai~~~~~~
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
hai~~ i dunno whether i am being too naive or maybe i too kpo.. guess this job doesn't suit me. being kind, i try to find the root of the problem. yet in the end, pple put words in my mouth said i said de.. i like very innocent.. somemore is saying my friend.. hai~~ i think gone case le.. i.. feel so sian~~ dunno.. which one is right.. which one is wrong.. i.. a bit give up... feel so guility now.. i...... feel so bad mood... why pple always take my kind acts as an advantage or i am being too kpo? next time i should said i dunno.. but i always cannot control my own act.. i......
Saturday, October 14, 2006
after struggling for two mths plus, guess is time for me to burst me out. everybody been forcing me with status status.. watever,i take it and ignore it but my boss DARE TO SAID I DID NOT PRODUCE ANYTHING FOR A MTH and my timeline is fixed by myself. No matter wat she said i take it and forget it. Guess this time she is overdoing, i am not taking any privileges that i got or watever. I know everybody been closing monitor my status and she even asked me to send my status to her yet she dare to said nobody is monitoring my status. WTF!!! Guess wednesday was the day for me to collaspe, do you know that i gt no window to run batch for the day yet she wants me to coordinate with other teams and make sure i can run my job on that nite. She can said at most you change your working time lor.. 4am wake up and run.. WTF!!! This is a damn shitty company.. with such a shitty boss!!! Sunday i wait till 3 plus to run my job, Monday.. I do my monthly job till 2 plus.. Tuesday.. i was in office at 1 plus to babysit my job.. Wednesday u ask me to look at the job from 12am to 6am arh? if run pass 5 plus, faster kill the job therefore i will not at 6am. Sometimes i wondering am i working 24hrs? or 6 days or even 7 days a week? The users are not rushing it? Why do you have to stress me till i burst it out? I had been tolerating everything without making a sound. You can said watever you want, i keep quiet and do my work, at most i complain to my friends. But damn sad that i burst out, don't think i can stay anymore. I got the guards to complain my boss in front of her boss. she will definitely take revenge on me. is either i leave or i go another team.
Ever since on the 16 July, i start to pick up bits and pieces of here and there. Fixed a few IRs but they are just minor problems here and there. Started to learn datastage on 29 of July which was on kaiwong's birthday. Seriously tat day i dun even want to go there, after one day of torturing, i feel damn tired.. do you know that only recently i can sit and laugh with other pple.. but she wants to make my life tough again which is impossible.. i didn't even rest after it then why should i torture myself work 24 hrs a day? do u think is funny? I AM JUST A SMALL FRY YET I WANT TO CLEAR SO MUCH RUBBISH!!! As on the start of August, there was a handover session, and i clearing shit for users in order for them to submit to the parent company. Is this consider my fault also? Only after 10 of August, i start to go into it and is only then two mths backlog is at my side. The is also my fault why i never do the monthly refresh? When i want to do, server went for some maintenance, my fault arh? Do you know all R3 dwer reports are under me? Not a lot of reports, only got 24 reports but they are killing me. They are so alien to me yet wat i can do, was to struggle and went pass it. Within these two mths plus, i had to went thru tuff training, learn how to fix, communicate with users, do monthly job and learn. Is this called a peaceful training? or i use to get a very good life? therefore now i had to know wat is suffer? Guess i am not those type of pple who never went thru tough situation. I worked before night shift from 9pm to 10am and 10-10 or even later, we can only left if amt is tally. I am not those type only get work 8 hours and go home slack. I worked before 12 hours or more lor. But guess is my boss who makes me sick and tired and lose my motivation to work there. Make me to lose patient to see wat my stuffs is going thru. My SA asked me if you want to clear long leave, then another person will have to suffer wat u go thru? No ma, since u all can throw me there alone for so long, what is the problem to let me go. Other pple got so many to guide thru and learnt from while me? have to carry all the mistake and faults. Are they really my fault? I also a noob? who is standing at my point to see situation? all of them are just standing aside and see how i am going to fall. ya.. i fall and i pick up and i learn. but this time round nt bcos of i fall that i burst into tears. is bcos of the environment. i had been ok for the past few weeks but u make me more demoralize by saying i didn't produce anything in front of so many pple.. hahaa.. wat is the backlog? since u dun appreciate wat i put in my time and effort to clear my backlog then forget it. why should i give u face for it? i can jolly well go at 6 plus.. and dun do anything, left everything for you to clear.
AM i finding a way for other pple to pity me? or said i am very poor thing? NO!! I am just finding justice for myself. U can send an email to your director telling her i have not catch up the PROD. U can send her another email that i bullying you that i complain to my manger and my SA tat causes u to have meeting with them. FINE! i am ok with it. U are my boss, u always have the power to do it. U can even said i never work at all, i always come in late. Anyway, still gt other pple know tat i got bully without i opening my mouth. Another release manager had asked me before this, dun worry me and another person will support you. Anything come down and find us to talk. Do you know why? Bcos someone told another person that i got bully upstair, by tat time i was so touched that someone still concern abt whether i die already or not. I was being quite motivated by that time. If your boss is not considerated and always behind you stabbing you. What is the point of carrying on with something tat nobody appreciate wat u put in and value you?
taken from MSN Career
10 Signs It's Time to Quit
By Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com Editor
"I like what I do. I just don't like where I work." Sound familiar?
From unbearable co-workers to depressing work environments, there are things that can make even the best job a living hell. Here are some signs it's time to look for a new job.
Sign No. 1: Your co-workers are annoying. --> ok only
Obnoxious people can invade your work life. Let's face it, not everyone gets along perfectly. But you need to have some sort of harmonious relationship with fellow employees to get the job done. How are you supposed to get any work done when these guys keep getting in the way? They are distracting and impede productivity. Most offices have a Gossip, that one person who has the "scoop" all the time and is not afraid to share it. Misery loves company, and finds it often in the Whiner, who isn't afraid to complain and bellyache. And everyone has the Neighbor whose noisy distractions include his cellular ringtone, speakerphone and radio.
Sign No. 2: The environment is toxic. --> First reason
Everyone experiences job highs and lows, but discontent could also be a sign of a chronically depressing work environment or even a company in peril. A bad work environment is reflective of the culture of an entire business. Do you work in a less-than-nurturing atmosphere? Is morale constantly low? Have you been complaining for two solid years? It could be an organizational problem that applying feng shui to your cube just won't fix.
Sign No. 3: You're mentally exhausted by the end of the day. Second Reason
Stress can cause low morale, decreased productivity and apathy towards work. Plus, it can spill into your personal life and even have a negative effect on your health. Today there are fewer people who are taking on more and more work. American workers experience burnout at an alarming rate. According to CareerBuilder, 68 percent of workers feel burnout at work, and 45 percent said their workloads are too heavy. Yes, we all have to pick up some slack and "take one for the team" from time to time. But if there's no end in sight, do yourself and your health a favor and dust off your résumé.
Sign No. 4: Your boss is a nightmare. Third Reason
Even though this person is your boss, it doesn't give him license to do anything he wants. If you have a lousy boss, even the best job in the world can make life a living hell. Your relationship with your supervisor plays a big role in your overall professional happiness and success. Fighting to have your boss removed or waiting for your boss to change or get fired are rarely successful tactics. If you are working for someone who is always absent, unavailable, self-absorbed or untrustworthy, it's time to look for a better supervisor and a better opportunity.
Sign No. 5: You're watching the clock... every 10 minutes. --> i dun have enuff time to slack... hai~~~~~
Though you might not like to work, it's even worse when you are bored while you're there. One can only watch so many videos on YouTube or bid on unneeded things on eBay. If you aren't feeling challenged, that's a sign that you need additional responsibilities or a change roles. And be warned, if you don't have any responsibility or find yourself with nothing to do, management might be trying to phase you out and you might be in danger of losing your job.
Sign No. 6: You get no respect. --> YES, TOTALLY NO RESPECT!!!
Does any of this sound familiar? Your ideas aren't taken seriously; there are no opportunities for advancement; the boss ignores you; co-workers alienate you; you're discouraged from improving skills with a course or seminar; you're passed over for a promotion -- again; or you're excluded from key projects and strategizing sessions. So why are you still giving this organization your time, energy and great ideas?
Sign No. 7: Your co-workers act like animals. --> Guess is i irritate them more than they irritate me.
They live for themselves and only themselves. They irritate you. They offend you. They have no manners or ethics. And you work with them all. There's the Office Thief who steals your ideas. The Shirker arrives late, leaves early and disappears whenever work is near. The Buck-passer unloads her work onto everyone else and blames others for her mistakes. The Procrastinator delays things until the last possible minute, slowing you down by not having the information you need to meet your deadlines. The Interrupter stops by your cubicle 10 times a day to chat about her latest boyfriend despite your ringing telephone and pressing deadlines. And don't forget the infamous Elevator Person who rides up only one floor instead of taking the stairs.
Sign No. 8: Nobody communicates. --> talk to friends lor...
Although we live in a world of e-mail, cell phones, instant messages, Blackberries, WiFi and, yes, even face-to-face conversation, there can still be a complete lack of communication. Whether it's a co-worker who's not returning your voice mail or the CEO not conveying a company's goals and accomplishments, the breakdown of communication can be frustrating and detrimental to your job. It can cost you an account, make you to miss a deadline, cause you to lose a client, and even get you fired.
Sign No. 9: You're not valued. --> Most IMPT REASON THAT it make me burst out.
Forty-three percent of workers do not feel appreciated, and one-fourth of workers feel that they are just a "number" within their organization. You need to realize that you deserve credit for your successes. Recognition is important, and good companies implement programs to let employees know they are valued. Is your company doing anything to reward your efforts? Do you ever receive bonuses, perks or positive feedback? If your boss has never heard of positive reinforcement verbal or otherwise, find a company that will value your talents.
Sign No. 10: You feel stifled. --> Exactly agree, this job makes me having less time with friends or even with family..
What kind of quality of life do you have? Is your 40-hour week turning into a 24/7 grind? While salary may seem like the end all and be all, your quality of life determines your overall happiness. How much time you spend on the job, working conditions, supervisors and subordinates can positively and negatively impact your job outlook. If you dread the time you spent at work, it should be a clear indicator that it's time to break free. A job shouldn't stifle you creatively, mentally or physically.
Bottom line: Considering what you don't like about your current situation should give you insight into what you are seeking in future endeavors. If you know what your priorities and preferences are and actively seek them, work can be an enjoyable experience.
In the end, wat do you think i should i choose? Stay/Quit?
Ever since on the 16 July, i start to pick up bits and pieces of here and there. Fixed a few IRs but they are just minor problems here and there. Started to learn datastage on 29 of July which was on kaiwong's birthday. Seriously tat day i dun even want to go there, after one day of torturing, i feel damn tired.. do you know that only recently i can sit and laugh with other pple.. but she wants to make my life tough again which is impossible.. i didn't even rest after it then why should i torture myself work 24 hrs a day? do u think is funny? I AM JUST A SMALL FRY YET I WANT TO CLEAR SO MUCH RUBBISH!!! As on the start of August, there was a handover session, and i clearing shit for users in order for them to submit to the parent company. Is this consider my fault also? Only after 10 of August, i start to go into it and is only then two mths backlog is at my side. The is also my fault why i never do the monthly refresh? When i want to do, server went for some maintenance, my fault arh? Do you know all R3 dwer reports are under me? Not a lot of reports, only got 24 reports but they are killing me. They are so alien to me yet wat i can do, was to struggle and went pass it. Within these two mths plus, i had to went thru tuff training, learn how to fix, communicate with users, do monthly job and learn. Is this called a peaceful training? or i use to get a very good life? therefore now i had to know wat is suffer? Guess i am not those type of pple who never went thru tough situation. I worked before night shift from 9pm to 10am and 10-10 or even later, we can only left if amt is tally. I am not those type only get work 8 hours and go home slack. I worked before 12 hours or more lor. But guess is my boss who makes me sick and tired and lose my motivation to work there. Make me to lose patient to see wat my stuffs is going thru. My SA asked me if you want to clear long leave, then another person will have to suffer wat u go thru? No ma, since u all can throw me there alone for so long, what is the problem to let me go. Other pple got so many to guide thru and learnt from while me? have to carry all the mistake and faults. Are they really my fault? I also a noob? who is standing at my point to see situation? all of them are just standing aside and see how i am going to fall. ya.. i fall and i pick up and i learn. but this time round nt bcos of i fall that i burst into tears. is bcos of the environment. i had been ok for the past few weeks but u make me more demoralize by saying i didn't produce anything in front of so many pple.. hahaa.. wat is the backlog? since u dun appreciate wat i put in my time and effort to clear my backlog then forget it. why should i give u face for it? i can jolly well go at 6 plus.. and dun do anything, left everything for you to clear.
AM i finding a way for other pple to pity me? or said i am very poor thing? NO!! I am just finding justice for myself. U can send an email to your director telling her i have not catch up the PROD. U can send her another email that i bullying you that i complain to my manger and my SA tat causes u to have meeting with them. FINE! i am ok with it. U are my boss, u always have the power to do it. U can even said i never work at all, i always come in late. Anyway, still gt other pple know tat i got bully without i opening my mouth. Another release manager had asked me before this, dun worry me and another person will support you. Anything come down and find us to talk. Do you know why? Bcos someone told another person that i got bully upstair, by tat time i was so touched that someone still concern abt whether i die already or not. I was being quite motivated by that time. If your boss is not considerated and always behind you stabbing you. What is the point of carrying on with something tat nobody appreciate wat u put in and value you?
taken from MSN Career
10 Signs It's Time to Quit
By Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com Editor
"I like what I do. I just don't like where I work." Sound familiar?
From unbearable co-workers to depressing work environments, there are things that can make even the best job a living hell. Here are some signs it's time to look for a new job.
Sign No. 1: Your co-workers are annoying. --> ok only
Obnoxious people can invade your work life. Let's face it, not everyone gets along perfectly. But you need to have some sort of harmonious relationship with fellow employees to get the job done. How are you supposed to get any work done when these guys keep getting in the way? They are distracting and impede productivity. Most offices have a Gossip, that one person who has the "scoop" all the time and is not afraid to share it. Misery loves company, and finds it often in the Whiner, who isn't afraid to complain and bellyache. And everyone has the Neighbor whose noisy distractions include his cellular ringtone, speakerphone and radio.
Sign No. 2: The environment is toxic. --> First reason
Everyone experiences job highs and lows, but discontent could also be a sign of a chronically depressing work environment or even a company in peril. A bad work environment is reflective of the culture of an entire business. Do you work in a less-than-nurturing atmosphere? Is morale constantly low? Have you been complaining for two solid years? It could be an organizational problem that applying feng shui to your cube just won't fix.
Sign No. 3: You're mentally exhausted by the end of the day. Second Reason
Stress can cause low morale, decreased productivity and apathy towards work. Plus, it can spill into your personal life and even have a negative effect on your health. Today there are fewer people who are taking on more and more work. American workers experience burnout at an alarming rate. According to CareerBuilder, 68 percent of workers feel burnout at work, and 45 percent said their workloads are too heavy. Yes, we all have to pick up some slack and "take one for the team" from time to time. But if there's no end in sight, do yourself and your health a favor and dust off your résumé.
Sign No. 4: Your boss is a nightmare. Third Reason
Even though this person is your boss, it doesn't give him license to do anything he wants. If you have a lousy boss, even the best job in the world can make life a living hell. Your relationship with your supervisor plays a big role in your overall professional happiness and success. Fighting to have your boss removed or waiting for your boss to change or get fired are rarely successful tactics. If you are working for someone who is always absent, unavailable, self-absorbed or untrustworthy, it's time to look for a better supervisor and a better opportunity.
Sign No. 5: You're watching the clock... every 10 minutes. --> i dun have enuff time to slack... hai~~~~~
Though you might not like to work, it's even worse when you are bored while you're there. One can only watch so many videos on YouTube or bid on unneeded things on eBay. If you aren't feeling challenged, that's a sign that you need additional responsibilities or a change roles. And be warned, if you don't have any responsibility or find yourself with nothing to do, management might be trying to phase you out and you might be in danger of losing your job.
Sign No. 6: You get no respect. --> YES, TOTALLY NO RESPECT!!!
Does any of this sound familiar? Your ideas aren't taken seriously; there are no opportunities for advancement; the boss ignores you; co-workers alienate you; you're discouraged from improving skills with a course or seminar; you're passed over for a promotion -- again; or you're excluded from key projects and strategizing sessions. So why are you still giving this organization your time, energy and great ideas?
Sign No. 7: Your co-workers act like animals. --> Guess is i irritate them more than they irritate me.
They live for themselves and only themselves. They irritate you. They offend you. They have no manners or ethics. And you work with them all. There's the Office Thief who steals your ideas. The Shirker arrives late, leaves early and disappears whenever work is near. The Buck-passer unloads her work onto everyone else and blames others for her mistakes. The Procrastinator delays things until the last possible minute, slowing you down by not having the information you need to meet your deadlines. The Interrupter stops by your cubicle 10 times a day to chat about her latest boyfriend despite your ringing telephone and pressing deadlines. And don't forget the infamous Elevator Person who rides up only one floor instead of taking the stairs.
Sign No. 8: Nobody communicates. --> talk to friends lor...
Although we live in a world of e-mail, cell phones, instant messages, Blackberries, WiFi and, yes, even face-to-face conversation, there can still be a complete lack of communication. Whether it's a co-worker who's not returning your voice mail or the CEO not conveying a company's goals and accomplishments, the breakdown of communication can be frustrating and detrimental to your job. It can cost you an account, make you to miss a deadline, cause you to lose a client, and even get you fired.
Sign No. 9: You're not valued. --> Most IMPT REASON THAT it make me burst out.
Forty-three percent of workers do not feel appreciated, and one-fourth of workers feel that they are just a "number" within their organization. You need to realize that you deserve credit for your successes. Recognition is important, and good companies implement programs to let employees know they are valued. Is your company doing anything to reward your efforts? Do you ever receive bonuses, perks or positive feedback? If your boss has never heard of positive reinforcement verbal or otherwise, find a company that will value your talents.
Sign No. 10: You feel stifled. --> Exactly agree, this job makes me having less time with friends or even with family..
What kind of quality of life do you have? Is your 40-hour week turning into a 24/7 grind? While salary may seem like the end all and be all, your quality of life determines your overall happiness. How much time you spend on the job, working conditions, supervisors and subordinates can positively and negatively impact your job outlook. If you dread the time you spent at work, it should be a clear indicator that it's time to break free. A job shouldn't stifle you creatively, mentally or physically.
Bottom line: Considering what you don't like about your current situation should give you insight into what you are seeking in future endeavors. If you know what your priorities and preferences are and actively seek them, work can be an enjoyable experience.
In the end, wat do you think i should i choose? Stay/Quit?
Monday, October 09, 2006
erm.. it had been a long long time that i ever did a posting.. seriously.. dunno wat had changes my life.. which makes me put on weight tat terrible.. a heart tat is meant to be broken or things tat been changing ard or bcos too many things happen and i can't take it the blow or bcos i am having a gd life.. why no matter hw much pple take in.. they will nt grow in sideway.. haha.. guess i need to clear my mind le ba.. today went to meet korkor since it had been almost a year which i last since him.. haha.. :P of cos he comment a lot of things.. although.. it is a bit hurting, i know he is just to make me feel better.. ask me stop being despair..
hai~~ maybe it just remind me a past tat it shouldn't start.. if given a chance to choose again, guess i will not choose this way. i dun dare not said i was being very loyal towards him. since it is a relationship which it had never start before, why it hurts me tat deep? bcos i lose too much or bcos i can't get him? i know korkor didn't mean it to mention about him but he did.. mention him.. guess my parents knew that he and i belongs to different world, therefore mum did not mention abt anything him when i came hm. During afternoon, korkor called mummy and tell her i want a air ticket to shanghai as birthday present. i dun even know where are you, all you did was ignoring all my sms and calls.. tat was wat i did in the airport or whenever i had cold war with you.. u always tell me to go look for a bf, dun always stuck with u. therefore, i can tell you.. yeah.. i did.. but it did not turns out gd.. choose to give up in the end and return back to you.. or mayb i should said i turn back to rely on you.. or i just finding someone to cover and nt to let u discover tat i had fall for you...
these four years plus was a tuff challenge for me and for yourself ba... should said.. u been with me and let me walked thru my own door.. but do you know.. when u leave.. my door had been closing.. i dun have the courage to open my own door.. i lost myself.. i use laughter to numb myself.. i act as fool in front of everyone..agree to everything.. no tears were found in front of anyone.. guess today korkor force me too hard.. tears fall.. not bcos he suan me or critize me.. was bcos the pain kept in my heart.. i know.. i lose u nt long after my cousin passed away.. but i just dun want to admit it.. therefore we walked thru another one more year.. till u went to shanghai.. i know.. things are more worst.. jiefu.. knows i had crying almost every nite jus to get sleep.. guess my habit had gone.. when u come back.. i think i was half way with nanny ba.. i dunno why.. i.... think i step back cos i dunno wat i want le.. nanny hate me.. but he forgive me.. i know he treat me very good.. he been a very nice guy to me.. but.. i scare i will make the same mistake again.. i dun want to be hurt again.. do u know u hurt me very deep.. when my cousin passed away.. u are there.. but i hang up the calls and send stupid sms.. u will said. min arh.. pms again.. when can u tell min.. to forget u without such a painful method.. why whenever other pple mention abt u.. i feel so pain.. yet everyday i had to wear a mask.. to avoid dropping tears and the pain inside me..
on my 21th birthday, guess my parents been hoping tat u will be coming.. which is i never ask u at all cos u dun even bother abt my birthday.. and i know u won't come.. as for other pple, of cos want to see my korkor.. but he was away in indonesia.. you two are the closer pple to me but yet both of u hurts me tat deep.. one just leave whenever he like.. one just throw temper at me.. why dun both of u stand at my position once.. do u know i almost collaspe when i lose both of u.. whenever i lost, i cried.. two of you been walking with me so long.. yet now i still lose one..
i avoid going to tampines and i dun like to go to tampines.. why? i dunno hw would i react if i see u standing in front of me with your gf.. i dunno how am i going to react.. no matter is it liuying or not.. cos i dun even know.. why i feel so painful.. bcos tat i lose someone who pamper me tat much and care for me or bcos i am stubborn or bcos i fall in love with you or bcos of wat??
i lose jiefu too.. jiefu was such a nice guy who will always be at my side when i am down.. but something happened.. guess tat was the most dramatic point tat he changes to be tuff to protect himself from getting hurt.. he was badly hurt tat time.. from a rabbit i got for present to a broken vanilla vodka broken heart.. hahaha.. but i never take tat broken vanilla broken heart.. guess the faith for 4 of us had ended.. jiefu and jiejie end le.. me and him also end le.. maybe sometimes jiefu and jiejie still got contact.. sometimes me and jiejie still got talk.. sometimes jiefu and me still got talk.. (guess it was when my grandpa pass away ba.. ) as for u.. i dunno.. maybe u are in far far far away from me.. or u are so near yet so far away from me.. guess my eyes are swollen now.. cos i just finish crying.. again.. tears dropped down le..
let me face myself ba.. i know i had been hiding away frm myself... until nowaday pple telling me... limin.. u are getting worst.. pls control your diet.. hahaa... guess is time to face myself le.. dun hide le.. 1 year plus is enuff le.. watever u lose.. is over.. dun look back.. can go buffet but not trying to hide my feelings by eating.. guess i have to find some other ways to reveal stress le..
btw.. my job contract going to end abt one month time.. let me see hw ba.. today only want to post abt him.. and still him... dun want to talk abt my own personal life...
hai~~ maybe it just remind me a past tat it shouldn't start.. if given a chance to choose again, guess i will not choose this way. i dun dare not said i was being very loyal towards him. since it is a relationship which it had never start before, why it hurts me tat deep? bcos i lose too much or bcos i can't get him? i know korkor didn't mean it to mention about him but he did.. mention him.. guess my parents knew that he and i belongs to different world, therefore mum did not mention abt anything him when i came hm. During afternoon, korkor called mummy and tell her i want a air ticket to shanghai as birthday present. i dun even know where are you, all you did was ignoring all my sms and calls.. tat was wat i did in the airport or whenever i had cold war with you.. u always tell me to go look for a bf, dun always stuck with u. therefore, i can tell you.. yeah.. i did.. but it did not turns out gd.. choose to give up in the end and return back to you.. or mayb i should said i turn back to rely on you.. or i just finding someone to cover and nt to let u discover tat i had fall for you...
these four years plus was a tuff challenge for me and for yourself ba... should said.. u been with me and let me walked thru my own door.. but do you know.. when u leave.. my door had been closing.. i dun have the courage to open my own door.. i lost myself.. i use laughter to numb myself.. i act as fool in front of everyone..agree to everything.. no tears were found in front of anyone.. guess today korkor force me too hard.. tears fall.. not bcos he suan me or critize me.. was bcos the pain kept in my heart.. i know.. i lose u nt long after my cousin passed away.. but i just dun want to admit it.. therefore we walked thru another one more year.. till u went to shanghai.. i know.. things are more worst.. jiefu.. knows i had crying almost every nite jus to get sleep.. guess my habit had gone.. when u come back.. i think i was half way with nanny ba.. i dunno why.. i.... think i step back cos i dunno wat i want le.. nanny hate me.. but he forgive me.. i know he treat me very good.. he been a very nice guy to me.. but.. i scare i will make the same mistake again.. i dun want to be hurt again.. do u know u hurt me very deep.. when my cousin passed away.. u are there.. but i hang up the calls and send stupid sms.. u will said. min arh.. pms again.. when can u tell min.. to forget u without such a painful method.. why whenever other pple mention abt u.. i feel so pain.. yet everyday i had to wear a mask.. to avoid dropping tears and the pain inside me..
on my 21th birthday, guess my parents been hoping tat u will be coming.. which is i never ask u at all cos u dun even bother abt my birthday.. and i know u won't come.. as for other pple, of cos want to see my korkor.. but he was away in indonesia.. you two are the closer pple to me but yet both of u hurts me tat deep.. one just leave whenever he like.. one just throw temper at me.. why dun both of u stand at my position once.. do u know i almost collaspe when i lose both of u.. whenever i lost, i cried.. two of you been walking with me so long.. yet now i still lose one..
i avoid going to tampines and i dun like to go to tampines.. why? i dunno hw would i react if i see u standing in front of me with your gf.. i dunno how am i going to react.. no matter is it liuying or not.. cos i dun even know.. why i feel so painful.. bcos tat i lose someone who pamper me tat much and care for me or bcos i am stubborn or bcos i fall in love with you or bcos of wat??
i lose jiefu too.. jiefu was such a nice guy who will always be at my side when i am down.. but something happened.. guess tat was the most dramatic point tat he changes to be tuff to protect himself from getting hurt.. he was badly hurt tat time.. from a rabbit i got for present to a broken vanilla vodka broken heart.. hahaha.. but i never take tat broken vanilla broken heart.. guess the faith for 4 of us had ended.. jiefu and jiejie end le.. me and him also end le.. maybe sometimes jiefu and jiejie still got contact.. sometimes me and jiejie still got talk.. sometimes jiefu and me still got talk.. (guess it was when my grandpa pass away ba.. ) as for u.. i dunno.. maybe u are in far far far away from me.. or u are so near yet so far away from me.. guess my eyes are swollen now.. cos i just finish crying.. again.. tears dropped down le..
let me face myself ba.. i know i had been hiding away frm myself... until nowaday pple telling me... limin.. u are getting worst.. pls control your diet.. hahaa... guess is time to face myself le.. dun hide le.. 1 year plus is enuff le.. watever u lose.. is over.. dun look back.. can go buffet but not trying to hide my feelings by eating.. guess i have to find some other ways to reveal stress le..
btw.. my job contract going to end abt one month time.. let me see hw ba.. today only want to post abt him.. and still him... dun want to talk abt my own personal life...
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