Puzzled & Confused..

Hahahaa.. Seriously, my feelings had become a mixture of beer and red wine that makes me so drunk now. But it does not means i am drunk physically.. just that i am mentally puzzled and confused.

Last weekend, i meet up with my friends, of cos is organized by me due to i got a few friends having birthday. Haahaha.. A bit disappointed tat day ba, but i am ok lah.. trying my best to keep everyone laughing.. hehee.. :P

These few weeks i ate cake until i almost puke le.. Fattening~~
1) Chocolate cake from The Chocoz.. Omg.. is very rich with chocoalte..
2) Durians Cake from four season.. hehee.. i love durians but the cream is too rich~~
3) Mango Cheese cake from rive gauche... hehe.. nice nice.. but it might be too heaty~
4) Chocolate cake from four leaves.. hehe.. nice nice.. but again.. cream!!!

haha.. after consitantly eating so many cakes.. makes min fall sick again.. omg.. she is so weak now~~

haiz~~ of cos i still went to eat steamboat twice this week.. omg~~ i am not going to eat tat again next week..

One good news to share.. but i share wait until time is ripe then share it out..

haha.. now puzzled and confused part is... i realised something.. he started dun want to share with me his relationship.. tat makes me think in another way.. haha.. but i know is impossible.. a lot of pple starting to guess whether things had gone the wrong way.. haha.. i would like to said.. at the moment is no.. in future is even going to be a big NO.. haha.. pls lah.. he won't like me de...

i had a short chat with him just now.. which is something we dun really do most of the time.. sometimes we will just crap for a while.. he reminds me abt the incident which i did stupidly a year ago.. erm.. of cos.. we started to crap abt my birthday.. he asked me when is my birthday.. haha.. of cos is in oct lah.. ask me when is the date.. siao.. u think i nuts meh.. u had never remember my birthday before.. i doubt that this year.. u will remember it..

hahaa.. as for a celebration or not.. i dunno leh.. the more i hopes it to be.. the more i am scare it will just turn out to be disappointment.. everytime min hopes something to turn well, things will just go haywire. The more i want to be mei mei to go my hao jie mei wedding.. i know sure last min shall got something pops up de.. i dun want to think so much.. maybe is bcos i scare ba.. or i had lose the definition of like, love, habit? i starting to realise i dunno hw to definte any of these words anymore..

haha.. so u asked me wat is this kind of feelings.. i also dunno leh.. just that when i heard him talking to his gf.. sometimes.. i will feel extremely down.. and trying ways to walk away and hide away my feelings.. but there are times that i just encourage him.. i started to puzzle.. wat does this kind of feelings called? maybe he can sense that i am feeling uncomfortable.. tat's why he stopped mentioning his gf in front of me. hahaa.. i dunno.. i started to confuse myself.. maybe i am just afraid i will lose a friend.. there are times that i falling down, i need someone to console me.. haha.. i started to realise i dun have the courage to sms him anymore.. i even told myself... no no.. i can't do that anymore.. ended up, it will just bcome a draft that i never send..

haha.. today, i asked da jie.. hw to make myself more sociable. she gave me one sentence "Open up yourself". How to do it? "Find it out yourself" haha.. i knows wat she means, of cos min is someone who always lock herself in her room.. she seldom will open up herself.. i am not a person who will open that easily ba~~ haha.. i should open more easily.. meet up with more pple.. maybe i will slowly fade away this feelings ba..

maybe bcos of a lesson that i had a few years back.. i started to scare to make the same mistake again.. hahaha.. past is past.. i should no longer looks back.. hw can i always be so persistant to return back to the past..

haha.. i should concentrate on my studies... of cos in my work too.. hopefully i dun screw up a lot of things at work.. and cause disappointment to my bosses..