dunno why... today wanted to sit there to study for next week test.. but in the end.. never touches anything... and dunno why tears going to roll down again soon... hai~~~~ yesterday jiefu told me he went to drink... erm... i got the urge to drink too.. but just that i duno go where to drink or go with who... feel so troubled nowadays.. dunno who can i lean on now... after he had passed away... i keep telling myself that i need to grow up and be much more mature.. i going to look after everyone beside me.. no matter what my cousin says.. i will try my best to says yes... if i can.. i will definitely do it... i really change... i couldn't believe myself.... my uncle also says i grown to be much more mature.. erm.. should i be happy abt it?? but towards my friend.. they still think i am very childish.. if i am given a chance now, i would want to fly to australia... treat as i am giving myself a break without telling anyone.. hoping to keep myself alone... bcos.. i feel so tired to put on a smile face to pple.. when facing any sacastic remarks.. heart feeling so pain.. yet can't express it out.. really very torturing... next sunday, i am going to "pai ji" grandfather.. erm.. i really very scare that it will remind of me what had just happened recently...

i keep telling myself that i won't let anyone of you disappointed again.. if i can't handle my work and my studies at the same time.. most likely, i won't work anymore.. whatever i had promise you all.. i will try my very best to fulfill it.. sorry that i let you disappointed...