fall sick for the past few days.. sian... sore throat.. flu... fever.. cough... everything comes at once... terrible.... hai~~~ monday went back to office... wanted to finish out my stuffs.. bcos tat was the date due... erm.. still lack of a bit... tuesday wanted to get out of bed.. but felt so restless... my forehead was not hot at all.. but i use thermometer... omg.. is 39 degrees.... haha.. guess something wrong with it.. but once daddy heard abt it... nag nag n nag ... in the end he brought me to clinic... the doctor said i got fever.. throat inflammation.. tat leads to my flu and cough...he remind me to avoid all fried food.. especially DURIANS.. guess i have been eating too much of durians.. tat leads to this illness... gone case liao.. nowadays no appetitie too.. hai~~

he been too kind for me le... whenever i asked help from him.. he will never reject me... hai~~ and never ask me.. it seems like he is always there for me.. dun make me sad leh.. i know u are a very kind soul.. but just dun suit me right.. thanks pal.. i will miss u often.. hehe.. :P

this was the second time i received this song... called si xing bu gai.. haha.. eveytime i hear this song.. my tears will just fall... couldn't believe tat.. kor send me this song.. miss kor so much.. remember in the past when i am sad he will just give me encouragement.. these past years he is always there for me.. but i dare not tell him wat had happened this time.. remember in the past we can eat ice-cream downstair together... celebrate my 18th birthday togethere... popping by and give me a surprise..

seriously.. in my life.. i met a lot of kind souls ard me.. i did not regret to have them as friends... including him.. he really helped me thru a lot.. he is just like my benafactor..

as for jiefu.. so poor thing.. always had to hear me cried... we know each other for three years le ba... but most of time he will hear me cry... when i tot i had bcome stronger.. he hear me cried again.. asked for a vodka as a 21 birthday.. he said ok too.. but i guess in the end.. i will not take it... just like last year.. one of my friend said hp... while he said mp3 player.. haha.. no thanks.. i just want to know u all care for me can le... maybe i am too pamper... i need care and dote too.. hope i am not too greedy ba.. seriously i know u all cannot give me too much too... bcos u all will have gfs or currently had gfs already.. but.. sometimes just give me some care when i need.. i really very satisfy le...

sorry.. if i have scare u all... justin korkor.. thanks... even i didn't spell out tat i am sad... u sense tat.. haha.. so sensitive... jiefu.. sorry.. i scare u with my sms.. maybe i thinks tat jiefu.. dun care for me le.. hehe. alvin kor... haha.. best sia.. always sms me.. and ask me tc.. and very bad always ask me go drink with u and ah beng or play pool.. but i rejected.. lolo..

erm... came across this blogskin when i am surfing net.. found tat it describe how i feel now... tat's why i change to this skin again... got a few feedback... glad tat most pple like it...

yesterday went to bugis with ester... erm... got broke after tat... sign up for ....... (keep it as a secret first) u might find some changes in me after a few months or u might not find anything different in me... BUT now i totally BROKE... haha... Since two months ago.. i am not taking any pocket money.. had been surviving thru my savings... but bills n shopping n too luxurious life leading to i am broke now... BUT something special happened.. after yesterday... i FALL SICK AGAIN... today morning my throat felt damn painful.... slowly bcome flu... slight fever plus cough... hai~~~~~ just now mummy give me medicine.. but i throw it away...

friday went to watch live band at PS... erm.. actually it was my poly friend performce.. so pop by.. not bad lah.. met jasmine... and had dinner with her n ester... wanted to jio them to drink.. but ended up kana rejected again.. hai~~~ so sad.. nobody wanted to drink with me...

is they forbbiden me to drink?? or all bcome guai guai or dun want me to use drinking as to numb away my f33lings... haha.. taking things dann slowly... but avoid to went out with kor... he called me quite a few times but we just couldn't met up.. due to his work and my work.. plus today i fall sick.. maybe tat's good also.. let me recover from that bad hit... then face him ba... arbo.. things gotten turn worst again...

went to collect NDP tickets today... got the actual day ticket.. haha.. :P tat guy was like asking me do i know wat tickets i am taking ... i was like stunned and shake my head.. maybe due to not feeling well...getting more and more blur...

things getting more and more jialat for me.. hai~~~but i guess i am hiding inside something which is call friends... to make me slowly standing up... and face the truth...

erm.. surprising thing was like... friendship between me and my friends get stronger.. till now i still couldn't forget wat my friend sms me... FORGET HIM..he is jsut hurting u badly and this is an order from me.. haha.. really stunned... seriously.. tat time at chalet.. really dann sad... but just trying to act tat i am fine n ok.. but jus kana provoked.. went up to the room.. n get some drinks from cheers... i guessed tat was the first them some of them seeing me flare up.. haha..

erm.... wow... just nice.. today was the 2nd month we seperated... last weekend was like family week.... cos... i had been spending tat weekend with my family... sat... my cousins came over to my house... promise to give them a treat when i got my first month pay.... hehe... :P actually i am not the youngest among all... but... was the most spoilt "kid".....

sun..went out with my paternal side for father's day celebration... erm... for tat nite.. it was a bit different... cos my uncle brought his .......... down for dinner... after several years... he finally brought her to get along with the family... but tat was ex... cos she paid for the meals... first time meet-the-parent session... cost her a bomb.... i did not said much... just have my dinner... tat day seems so moody....... after dinner.. went out with km n cow... haha... :P wasn't tat bad too.. got a gift from km... a "PIG"... -_- went to sampang bedok to have coffee.. seriously.... i dunno tat was where the place i had dinner.. otherwise i will not choose there... the 1 hour over there... they were like talking abt racing cars... n etc.... things tat i dun even heard of or i know... hai~~ guess need to increase my knowledge... i kana suan.. cos i kept using phone... erm.. kor sms me... no choice.. got to reply... when we are on the way back... it was raining heavily... erm.. got a bit wet... but was still ok...thanks sia....

mon.... kana work OT... due to been slacking in office.. till ard 5 plus... erm.. been to a building in the afternoon...new experience.. but.. i dun like it at all... the environment... like dead city... hai~~~

tue... went with a talk with my boss n colleague... seriously... there were times that my tears was rolling down the stream.... but i just trying to control it... it was so touching... tat.... i went to sign up for it... but my boss paid for it... hope after tat course... i will change... the pple over there were friendly... feel so warmly over there.... the talk ended ard 11... luckily... there was guy going to send my colleague n his brother home... actually boss wanted to share cab with me... but since got free ride.. therefore i went for free ride.. pai seh...

wed... so bored.... actually wanted to watch movie... but ended up cancel.. seems like everything cropped up..no choice.. hai~~~

woah.. yesterday was my first day of work.. erm.. never imagine that i worked in this field... software engineer... haha.. i guess nobody believe tat i will start into IT field.. neither do i think of it before... erm.. life been going downstream for me... but due to surprise.. i got my NDP ticket by balloting it online.. erm.. out of thousands of pple.. i manage to get it... erm.. consider lucky??? or changing of luck.. actually they should give me four instead of two... wat abt my dad?? hai~~~

after the chalet... my problem seem to get bigger.... seems like more and more pple knowing abt it... i... regret it... but i know from the day i left school till now.. i been hiding among friends and cousins.... so tat at least i won't feel lonely or i am not alone.. i still got friends around me.... i met up with siok they all... erm.. went to play pool and had fish n co...

seriously never know tat my responsible is tat heavy... erm... imagine.. everyday morning... one pple follow by one pple to wake me up.. ask me to eat breakfast... then at nite... again.. keep repeating the same stuffs... faster switch off your pc.. and sleep... tomorrow u still need to work.... erm.... headache... furthermore.... got to lie to them telling he is in oversea now... but in the actual fact.. just tat we are no longer tat close anymore.. we just contact thru msn..but we seldom chat.. sometimes do miss the period where he is there for me...

last time when i start work alone at cafe cartel... he keep me thru the times... at night.. after work.. he will call me and chat... even i am in the transport... really very sweet.. but all the things change after my cousin pass away.. just like a song called... everybody's changing... now i got to take care of everyone ard me... cannot collaspe now.. granny blood pressure too high.. leg swollen ......... now all my strength are left for my family... n nobody else... too tiring le....

two weeks ago went to chalet with my secondary school friends... sort of like a celebration before the guys going in army... lolo... had been playing mahjong thru nite till kana complaint on friday nite.. while sat nite.. met ....................... erm... sort of mood not really tat good liao... still met tat irratating guy.. seems like going to provoke me... just walk out and went back to room... had a nite of drinking tat day... really drunk a lot... seriously.. just controlling my tears not to fall down... never believe tat i can make it... there gone my sat.... sun.. brought grandma went to see doctor... erm... he commented tat her pressure still too high...

monday to friday been working so hard until i am so shagged and tired... imagine.. sat i worked till 4pm... went out ard 6 plus to meet jiejie.. .she waited for me abt more than one hour.. till to i am too tired.. fall asleep on the sofa....... sunday... brought grandma to see doctor again... this time round.. the doctor is pleased with the outcome.... wahaha.. all of us also happy to heard that... i lose my cousin last year.. i dun wish history to repeat again.. this time round... i am alone... no longer someone will be there for me... btw.. went bowling and steamboat with them again... Wednesday went bowling just to help winston to celebrate his second last day... wahaha... friday met them for steamboat.. so touch.. that they left some prawns and food for me... hehe...

miss work for about two weeks.. i guess micky should be mad at me liao... i sms her yesterday tat i can only work for her on sunday.. she seems like pretty fine with it.. but i hope i will not knock off again.. this week back to work... today went for my basic theory... imagine tat i had failed... cannot believe it.. but seriously... everyday worked frm 9 to 8pm.. really very tiring... the only thing i reached home is to sleep... these two days without pc... seems like so long for me... pc spoilt.... and i really got no time to repair it.. maybe i had to wait till weekend... hai~~ so sad...


i received my graduation letter just now... three years gone le... pple ard me been asking me to forget him.. seriously.. he really helped me a lot in my life.. there is nothing can changed the fact.. told kor about tat... he kept remind me abt louis.. wahaha... seriously.. louis did treated me well too... he stepped into my life.. when louis stepped out.. now he stepped out.. i thinks is time for me to learn to be independent.. i really miss him a lot.. i couldn't stop my tears to flow out... especially during late nite.. seriously.. i really very tired.. had to look after everyone... i want to find someone to rely on can?? i am not tat strong... i am just hiding away my saddnest from everyone... never know tat growing up is so tiring and painful....