My first love??

hahaaaa...is he my first love? actually i also dunno?? or D is my first love? But most of the time D scold me rather than care for me.. but he scold me cos i neglect my studies.. hahaa....

i still rememeber how L cheer me up.. how stuffs going on between both of us.. just now had a long chatted with my another korkor. .realised tat L got married le.. i feel pretty sad.. tat time i remember that when i broke up with L.. i cried in my cousin's shoulder for a while.. all along the while, i am with him.. i dun have the confident to be with him... now.. i lost the guy..

A sweet memories that i used to have..

Erm... I don't really have a very big networking but i can't deny that i have a quite a good bunch of friends around me.

After i wrote finished the previous post and post it out, i received a call from him. I didn't really got the courage to pick up. I let it rang for a few times, because i scare when i picked up the phone.. @!@!$#!@!@!@ will be what i am hearing.. But i called him back using office phone. What i heard is totally opposite... A voice where i had never heard it ages ago.. He never dropped his tears in front of me at all.. Only that time when his father passed away. That is the only time he collaspe and cried in front of me. Guys are always like this. They don't want to said anything out, only wait till a day that they can't take it. Then burst it out. I rather you tell me what happened, than trying to be happy in front of me. Brother, i know you more than 10 years le. We used to be so close, i told you everything. Promise me, next time dun give up that easily. Anything happened, i will be there for you. Just like what you did for me in the past.. :)

Nanny, i can't deny that you had been walking me through my life for the past few years. You really treats me very well which i really tot nothing at all.. haha.. now.. i know your good points le.. haha.. deliver prata to me late at nite, my resume to me before i go to this shitty company to work... accompany me to celebrate through my birthday.. accompany me watch movies that i want to watch, sometimes i might be causing you watching twice. never knoe that i had been that dependent on you. really thanks.. helping me to lie to my parents that i was watching movie while actually i am clubbing.. plus thanks for your patient.. i am always late.. when i meet you after work.. you had never throw your temper on me.. just show me a black face.. but a while later.. you will be fine.. I wished you and your gf the best..

Buddies...
Most of you are attached already.. Feel happy for you all..

everyone jia you..

this song is for you all de..

being childish and immature..

being immature and childish, i lose another good friend of mine.. maybe this will be a better way for him.. i dun have to let him worry for me.. which this is what he does since he know me in sec school.. i know hw much he pamper and take care me like a little sister.. how much tears i had dropped in front of him.. i hope tat this time round.. i will learn how to pick up from where i fall down.. be a better person.. maybe next time when he sees me on the street.. he will thinks that i have grown up.. at least he will feel happier ba.. just that now i really need a period alone.. thinking where should i head and what should i do..

yesterday, i met up with my gd friends.. they shared some secrets in among themselves which are things that are pretty alien to me.. seriously i feel really terrible.. used to be so good friends.. ended up become like that.. after movie, i find an excuse and leave.. on the way back, i am thinking.. guess nextime i have to siam more gathering and bcome loner le ba.. Nobody is perfect.. or the world won't change to suit you.. maybe i also won't change to suit u? just tat.. if u really got secrets to share among yourself.. i rather i dunno anything and heard anything.. you can have the gathering and leave it out.. if u all really got things to discuss about.. i shouldn't have rush there after work.. i had been really very tired after battling at work... and that is wat i get.. sigh~~~~


Does friendship really does?

cafe de mal..

erm.. i still couldn't believe that i will go sentosa twice in a week.. omg.. furthermore is consecutive two days.. Yesterday, i went to cafe de mal again but this time round, i went there to have dinner and drinks.. took vodka lime.. and took an idiot photo of myself.. hahaa.. after that photo, i considering of wearing contact lens or not.. hahaa.. guess nowadays i am getting more and more siao liao..

when i reached home, i upload that photo immediately.. which like my friend is saying i am crazy or hua zi.. hahaa.......

had a short chat with ex-jiefu.. i scolded him or so called i nagged him for not replying me that time when i am at hospital.. i told him i was at hospital.. he was like asking me wat happened.. why did i go hospital again.. hahaa.. let me recalled a sweet and short memory of wat happened few years back..

8 Aug 2002, the eve of national day.. i spend half a day in hospital.. tat day, i went to polyclinic to see doctor. Not a while later, the doctor called for an ambulance, there was the first time that i was being send to hospital by ambulance. At the point of moment, i am very weak. My blood pressure reached till a very low point that i can faint anytime. I need glucose to recover my energy.. When i reached A&E. I message jiefu and him.. jiefu was very stunned and asking me what had happened and he wanted to come down and visit me.. such a nice guy hor.. but now.. did a full checkup before i left hospital.. i was being hospitalize for a few hours.. Not really a lot of people knew that i admit hospital.. maybe a few them.. but 3 of them confirm know that i admit hospital.. hahaa.. i twist the story a bit but guess there is someone who knows the truth cos he was laughing all the way when i told him on the phone..

1st of march 2007, i went to hospital again.. this time round,i went there to see specialist. the feeling is different.. last time when i am there for a few hours, i was happily walking here and there till the doctor knows that i am scare of hospital.. He starts to scare me by telling me "You don't anyhow walk here and there.. later you see something.... " -_-'''' a bit cold right.. But tat point of moment i stepped into changi, my whole body is shivering.. is it bcos i lost my close friends.. they no longer be there for me? or ?? Before i leave hospital, i msg nanny.. haha.. but nanny reaction was wat i predicted ba.. maybe i am just looking for a feeling that i feels in the past ba..

i can't deny tat ex-jiefu really changed a lot.. last time usually is i said that to him.. now is he said to me.. a bit stunned.. or maybe all of us really had a complicated life.. just like wat he told me.. i will never know wat he is going on now.. but if u dun want to said.. i definitely dunno wat you going on now.. to me.. both of u are always like tat.. hear me sobbing, hear my sorrows and help me out.. yet i am always the one who couldn't help u guys out.. maybe i really like a baby girl.. no matter hw hard i tried, u guys are always the ones helping me..

i asked jiefu a question.. do u think i had forget about him.. wat the reply was like.. u dun need me to said out the answer right.. u should know it yourself better than i do.. haha.. starting to get puzzled.. did i really fall till tat deep.. now is already abt 2 years.. i still can't forget this person who once stepped into my life before? or just that i had a complicated life.. or just that pple around me keep remind me about him. i can't deny he is a nice guy.. while i also can't deny that i got a lot of guys friends also very nice or maybe even nicer than him... korkor asked me a question before.. or maybe i should re-phase this.. the first time korkor saw him.. he already told me.. dun fall in love with him.. he got no feelings for you.. and ended up.. i had a draggy friendship for 3 years and been dependent on him till a point that i don't know and slowly getting use to it.. korkor asked me.. he is nt the only one that treats you tat good leh.. erm.. maybe this is destiny ba but we dun have the fate.. i told jiefu.. i really regret tat i fall in love with him.. otherwise now we will still be very good friends.. but now he is still avoiding me.. starting to lose my courage.. seems like i hurt quite badly.. or now.. i am emotionally down again..

i can't deny that.. currently i am in a relationship.. where he gives me a lot of freedom.. and trust.. he will always wait for me to go back home and called me.. this is letting me more and more confused about my own feelings.. he or he.. which one is more important to me? or i dun want anything.. i just wants myself? or i just want to dependent on someone or ?? guess i need sometime to sort out my mind.. maybe he is not tat impt to me.. otherwise why can i still step into a relationship.. or maybe i am just lying that i still miss him..

or maybe i am drunk..........................

my primary school pic..

hahaa.. still rememeber long long time ago.. this is where i am.. this is my primary school photo.. couldn't really believe that we will still meet up after so many years of not contacting.. i wanted to meet up with them.. but the problem is my work.. tend to take away most of my freedom.. especially when my boss is around.. furthermore, this month is the peak.. all issues must close at the end of this month.. while i got one change requirement needs to finished before 31th of march and promote to production.. omg.. can i finished it... hai~~~ have to work double hard..

tired..

Finally.. i make up my decision... decided to put everything aside and make a decision.. if it really happened, guess there won't be any holidays for me, no more drinking session, no more clubbing, no more chill out. must be a good girl everyday le..

Last Tuesday, i went to watch Music and Lyrics. Haha.. got a pair of tickets, yet i did not know who to ask to accompany me to watch the movie.. guess this is crazy..

Wednesday, i went to cafe de vine to have my lunch.. miss the spaghetti so much and i am craving for it. the standard is still ok and still taste delicious as it was. but sadly things are not the same as in the past.

After work, i went out with my colleagues to celebrate one of their birthday. Seems like sun with moon is a place where go often. Haha.. I like the food and atmosphere there. Furthermore, we were late cos we make a reservation at 7.30 but we left office at 7pm. While we go for shopping spree before we went for our dinner. In the end, there is only VIP rooms left. No choice, they had to give us the VIP rooms while quite of lot of pple are still outside queuing for seats. Luckily, we made a reservation a day ago. Tofu Cheesecake become a MUST for us. In the end, we had difficulties to finish up our dinner except one of colleagues finished up everything. Actually we suppose to meet up on friday but we cancelled it due to i am going to st james while another friend going to comfort one of my another colleague cos her father's passed away nt long ago...

hai~~ life is so short.. when he said he going to go.. he just leave u without telling.. :'(

haha.. i overslept in the bus and i struggled to walk back.. guess i am really damn tired..

thursday :
I went to Giant at Tampines with my parents. Wow.. so big.. haha..

Friday :
Yeah~~ i went to st james.. to bio ta bor.. hahaa..

Saturday :
I went JB for shopping spree.. hahaha.. after tat i went to vivo to meet my friends.. we actually wanted to go cafe de mal.. but ended one of them fly kite.. haha.. in the end, we still went cafe de mal.. i like the place.. guess i am really tired.. i almost fell asleep there.. In the end, we left there ard 3.. reached home ard 3 plus and i took a cab which costs more than 20 bucks to reach home.. *faint*.. broke liao lah..

omg.. next wk.. my boss come back le... guess i am going to have a tuff time again..shit..

music and lyrics

Way back into love (Music and Lyrics)

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration 
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end


seriously.. i like this song a lot.. as usual.. my tears dropped down when i watching the movie.. guess i really works under emotions.. i had let my emotions control myself..

thailand photos

relationship

today i went to changi hospital for a check up.. took abt more than 2 hrs or even more.. seriously.. is really painful.. i am trying very hard to bear with it.. till a point tat tears dropped down.. then the doctor asked me.. painful.. i said ya.. he said sorry.. hahaa.. such a sweet doctor sia... had a small crush on him.. wahahaa.. jia lat arh... :P

been disturbing nanny.. during the period.. when i realised that the guy sitting beside me got more than one hour plus of checkup.. i been always very timid.. very scare of hospital.. i can't step in there alone de.. wow.. but is really scary.. been shivering outside the waiting room... till the doctor called my name.. i was like.. "oh my god..." he brought to another room.. asked me lie down and dun move my head.. while he and the nurse discussing of something else.. my mind was like telling me.. is it referring to me.. i need to hospitalised.. omg.. but.. in a while later.. i realized they are not talking abt me.. he told me.. if within one year.. still not recover.. call back and make an appointment and do checkup again.. actually the nurse want to send me for audio checkup but ended up... the doctor said dun need.. just take extra care can le.. hahaa... :P

read my gd friend's blog just now.. realised that she is in love nw.. happy for her.. :) wow.. all my gd friends in love le.. then me leh..

as for me and my dear.. i also dunno.. been avoiding his calls nor sms ever since that monday breakdown.. seriously.. is really painful till i cried for the whole nite.. but.. i really dunno.. maybe i need someone to be at my side.. not someone tat faraway.. cos i got no security? or bcos i feel guilty... i dunno.. i feel very puzzled.. really envy my friends now.. all in love le.. even my colleagues also wor..

when will my prince charming coming.. i also want to dependent on someone.. i feel really tired to walk alone le... or maybe i really very weak.. always need someone to support me.. hahaa.. :P

Tinnitus

The Ringing and Buzzing of Tinnitus.
Ear Rings

WebMD Answers to Questions
Question: Can you advise me on how to quiet the constant ringing and buzzing in my ears?

Answer:

Tinnitus -- "ringing in the ears" -- affects an estimated 35 million Americans. But tinnitus isn't just a ringing, it can also be heard as a buzzing, roaring, hissing, clicking, high-pitched whining, low-pitched hum, even a heart-like pulsing.

Tinnitus is actually a symptom of some common medical problems, such as:

* ear infection
* wax impaction
* noise exposure (like rock concerts)
* TMJ (temporomandibular joint) disorders
* even a side effect of medications such as aspirin, ibuprofen, caffeine, or birth control pills

Tinnitus may also be a symptom of more serious illnesses such as high blood pressure, anxiety/depression, diabetes, thyroid disorders, Ménière's disease, blood vessel disorders, or tumors.

There are two types of tinnitus:

* subjective tinnitus, when the sounds a sufferer hears may be perceived as very loud and only heard by them
* objective tinnitus, a less common condition when the sounds can be heard by the sufferer and a medical provider using a stethoscope

Finding a cause for tinnitus can be simple or require extensive diagnostic tests. In many cases, a cause is never found -- a frustrating fact for many tinnitus sufferers and their medical providers.

If a cause is determined, then treatment can be quite focused. For example, if a tinnitus sufferer is taking aspirin and is found to have high blood pressure, the aspirin is stopped and medications are given to control the blood pressure.

Even if a specific cause is never found, there is still hope for successful treatment. A combination of therapies over time usually offer the best hope.

* Biofeedback, relaxation training, counseling, and individualized psychotherapy helps manage stress and helps you change your body's reaction to the tinnitus. Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT) combines counseling with special background sounds designed to help people suppress the sounds of their tinnitus.
* Antianxiety medications, such as Valium or Xanax, as well as a wide range of antidepressant medications, are very helpful for tinnitus sufferers. Other medications, such as diuretics (water pills), muscle relaxants, anticonvulsants medications, and antihistamines, are also used.
* Special hearing aids, electronic masking devices, or both, are often used when other methods have failed to achieve control. Cochlear implants and cochlear stimulation devices are being investigated for severe, intractable tinnitus cases. Surgical injections of lidocaine directly into the inner ear are also being used in some cases.
* Alternative treatments such as hypnosis, acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, vitamin/mineral supplements, and herbal remedies may have some promise, but there is little, if any, meaningful research as to their effectiveness. Ginkgo biloba -- which is being studied to determine its effectiveness for tinnitus -- is said to improve blood flow and nerve function. Use ginkgo biloba with caution if you have a bleeding disorder or take blood thinners. Explore alternative options carefully, with the cooperation of your medical providers.

Certain lifestyle changes are very important for those that have tinnitus.

* Caffeine is one of the most common tinnitus aggravators and should be very limited. Coffee, teas, caffeinated colas, and chocolate all contain significant amounts of caffeine capable of constricting blood flow to the ear.
* Nicotine also constricts blood flow and can aggravate tinnitus, so efforts should be made to stop all tobacco use.
* Aspirin, especially higher doses, can cause or make tinnitus worse. Switch to acetaminophen products.
* A low-salt diet is also recommended by many medical providers, so hide that saltshaker and watch the sodium content of foods you eat.

Take an active role in your care, keeping up with the latest research. You may even have to educate your doctor on various treatments. Quieting the ringing will require a lifelong commitment to lifestyle changes, cooperative medical care, and most importantly, a positive and optimistic attitude.

Tinnitus prevention can include obvious things such as limiting exposure to loud noises, but vitamins and exercise may help, too. Exercising regularly may help by improving blood flow to ear structures, while B-12 can help the body make the material that protects the inner ear's nerves. Good B-12 sources include dairy products, meat, and eggs.

Almost everyone experiences an occasional ringing (or roaring, hissing, buzzing, or tinkling) in their ears; most tinnitus that comes and goes requires no medical treatment. But if your tinnitus is accompanied by other symptoms, becomes persistent, or starts to localize to one ear, visit a health professional.

specialist...

erm.... last thursday.. till a point that i can't take it anymore.. took a few hours off, went back home to see doctor.. took a medicine and knock out.. wake up ard 9 plus to run my job till late nite again~~ seems like these few nites, i had been doing tat..
the doctor refer to changi hospital to see specialist... i... hai~~ feel a bit.. up and down ba.. the clinic assistant actually the appointment should be ard april but she called me up ytd morning.. woke me up ard 10 plus.. i had made an appointment for you on this coming thursday at 11am. -_-'''' is my situation getting worst? or i getting infection.. mum asked me to go GP, don't go to see specialist but i had been seeing so many times of doctor tat it doesn't work.. i feel really sian.. and frustrated... hai~~
just the starting of the year, this kind of stuff happening on me..

last friday just kana niao by my boss.. super sian~~ feel like quitting.. i.... hai~~~
or i need a rest again.. feel so sickening to work under her.. my colleagues told me that we going to change boss.. i sort of pity her.. but i guess it will never happened.. cos i think my director quite biased. she is the one controlling it, if she said dun want to change, who will go against her? i wondering can i tahan bcos of the seek of the money tat i can get after my contract? but i guess i can't tahan..
From now till 14 nov, it is still a long long long long way to go..

wondering tml, i am going to tell my big boss that i need to apply leave to see specialist.. will he .... me.. or unhappy.. but the problem is... if i dun get it recover asap, i might suffer infection.. and it might cause me to be deaf.. i will never be able to hear beautiful music, no more KTV, no more movies... guess by then, i will be super depress... dun even want to talk to anyone..

i had been ignoring dear for about wk.. and he had been complaining.. i.. i feel guilty..