cafe de mal..

erm.. i still couldn't believe that i will go sentosa twice in a week.. omg.. furthermore is consecutive two days.. Yesterday, i went to cafe de mal again but this time round, i went there to have dinner and drinks.. took vodka lime.. and took an idiot photo of myself.. hahaa.. after that photo, i considering of wearing contact lens or not.. hahaa.. guess nowadays i am getting more and more siao liao..

when i reached home, i upload that photo immediately.. which like my friend is saying i am crazy or hua zi.. hahaa.......

had a short chat with ex-jiefu.. i scolded him or so called i nagged him for not replying me that time when i am at hospital.. i told him i was at hospital.. he was like asking me wat happened.. why did i go hospital again.. hahaa.. let me recalled a sweet and short memory of wat happened few years back..

8 Aug 2002, the eve of national day.. i spend half a day in hospital.. tat day, i went to polyclinic to see doctor. Not a while later, the doctor called for an ambulance, there was the first time that i was being send to hospital by ambulance. At the point of moment, i am very weak. My blood pressure reached till a very low point that i can faint anytime. I need glucose to recover my energy.. When i reached A&E. I message jiefu and him.. jiefu was very stunned and asking me what had happened and he wanted to come down and visit me.. such a nice guy hor.. but now.. did a full checkup before i left hospital.. i was being hospitalize for a few hours.. Not really a lot of people knew that i admit hospital.. maybe a few them.. but 3 of them confirm know that i admit hospital.. hahaa.. i twist the story a bit but guess there is someone who knows the truth cos he was laughing all the way when i told him on the phone..

1st of march 2007, i went to hospital again.. this time round,i went there to see specialist. the feeling is different.. last time when i am there for a few hours, i was happily walking here and there till the doctor knows that i am scare of hospital.. He starts to scare me by telling me "You don't anyhow walk here and there.. later you see something.... " -_-'''' a bit cold right.. But tat point of moment i stepped into changi, my whole body is shivering.. is it bcos i lost my close friends.. they no longer be there for me? or ?? Before i leave hospital, i msg nanny.. haha.. but nanny reaction was wat i predicted ba.. maybe i am just looking for a feeling that i feels in the past ba..

i can't deny tat ex-jiefu really changed a lot.. last time usually is i said that to him.. now is he said to me.. a bit stunned.. or maybe all of us really had a complicated life.. just like wat he told me.. i will never know wat he is going on now.. but if u dun want to said.. i definitely dunno wat you going on now.. to me.. both of u are always like tat.. hear me sobbing, hear my sorrows and help me out.. yet i am always the one who couldn't help u guys out.. maybe i really like a baby girl.. no matter hw hard i tried, u guys are always the ones helping me..

i asked jiefu a question.. do u think i had forget about him.. wat the reply was like.. u dun need me to said out the answer right.. u should know it yourself better than i do.. haha.. starting to get puzzled.. did i really fall till tat deep.. now is already abt 2 years.. i still can't forget this person who once stepped into my life before? or just that i had a complicated life.. or just that pple around me keep remind me about him. i can't deny he is a nice guy.. while i also can't deny that i got a lot of guys friends also very nice or maybe even nicer than him... korkor asked me a question before.. or maybe i should re-phase this.. the first time korkor saw him.. he already told me.. dun fall in love with him.. he got no feelings for you.. and ended up.. i had a draggy friendship for 3 years and been dependent on him till a point that i don't know and slowly getting use to it.. korkor asked me.. he is nt the only one that treats you tat good leh.. erm.. maybe this is destiny ba but we dun have the fate.. i told jiefu.. i really regret tat i fall in love with him.. otherwise now we will still be very good friends.. but now he is still avoiding me.. starting to lose my courage.. seems like i hurt quite badly.. or now.. i am emotionally down again..

i can't deny that.. currently i am in a relationship.. where he gives me a lot of freedom.. and trust.. he will always wait for me to go back home and called me.. this is letting me more and more confused about my own feelings.. he or he.. which one is more important to me? or i dun want anything.. i just wants myself? or i just want to dependent on someone or ?? guess i need sometime to sort out my mind.. maybe he is not tat impt to me.. otherwise why can i still step into a relationship.. or maybe i am just lying that i still miss him..

or maybe i am drunk..........................