erm... due to under friend's influence... nowadays i join a forum.. haha..:P today met up with a few of his friends.. they had a party over at gallery hotel.. erm.. we will like trying very hard to reach there plus... quite a number of ma lu things happened.. lol.. got is quite fun to knoe this two pple.. seriously when km wore out that uniform.. i was laughing out so loud.. forgotten watever is in my mind.. in the end.. i still choose to leave.. and head home alone.. why? at nite km going to send me back home.. but why i still choose to leave.. the reason might bcos it was such a big crowd.. plus dun really know everyone inside.. guess it should be part of my fear doing me a favour of not going in.. plus.. wat if later i really get drunk how?? i know i won't control my limits.. so sad.. i still left the party.. the guy over at the receptionist so cute sia.. still smile at me.. haha.. guess customer service did improve already.. yesterday i went to espirt with ester.. tat lady damn kind... she seems like no customer liao.. kept serving us.. ask us this and ask tat.. even tat "girl" who promoting red earth products.. also ask me whether is she my auntie?? ...........

let me contiue with my trip to gallery hotel ba... i passby a bridge where i use to walk with louis.. yesterday i had a nitemare abt something had happened to him.. while today i walk to a place where both of us came before... let me recall back a lot of memories.. seriously, in life i did met a lot of kind souls ard me.. quite fortunate... wat am i asking now.. i guess wat i want now.. maybe is a stable relationship.. dun ask me who wor?? cos... my feelings now are like red and green beans mixing up together.. yesterday... i tot was zen's birthday.. msg him happy birthday... but ended up kana sabo by him.. sian.. :'( he asked me why i never gave tat guy(who bought me roses on my birthday) a chance? guess he treat me as gd friend ba.. but wat did for me for the past week.. really make my heart starting to melt..

half a year... had i forgotten someone who was used to be so impt in my life? guess slowly i had forget abt the feelings i had for him... we are just very good friends... he promised me tat he will help me to take things from jil.. guess he won't be tat good... he won't go and collect for me... he rather stay at home and sleep or played game.. hai~~~ when will my fairy tale story landed on me?

at that moment when i enjoyed my day so much.. things happening really good for me.. seriously... i had everything i wan for currently.. got a bunch of caring and loving cousin.. got a bunch of good friends.. no matter wind or sunnny.. they will always be there for me.. got a group of strangers who i dunno wishes me happy belated birthday.. parents love me... still got jil and xuer concern towards me... watever i want for birthday.. if can meet their budget.. they will try to buy for me... so sweet.. things really going great.. tat i can't deny...

guess a few months later.. got to be back to my quiet mode.. a shocking news came out from dad's mouth.. which i can't accept it... yesterday went to take my book from km.. haha.. he saw me starting to burst into tears... but never predicted... the rain was tat heavy... it seems like understand me.. when i wanted to cry... they sky had already cry beforehand.. seems like the thunder had strike me... it lets me recall tat how i lose my cousin in 2004....how tempermental am i when i know he going to pass away.. how i throw my temper towards my friend.. and yet they still forgive me.. how i cry at orchard mrt station.. it turns out to be a huge stone landed on my heart.. maybe is kind of kinship which i feel... last time when my cousin pass away.. still got "A" at my side.. a few months later.. who will be at my side? will i cry at the funeral? will everything changes? will there be a dispute for the fortune? seriously i dun care wat he left down.. cos i am not interested in tat.. i can feed myself using my own hand.. i know.. currently only can earn enuff money for myself plus a bit of allowance to give my family.. no point of wat.. i still have to carry on with my journey to provide a better living for my parents.. they love me as much as i love them.. when i wanted to post this out.. is when my mood had reaches the low end of myself..

my good friends.. though i will be meeting u all later.. pls don't ask me to take care.. let me stay as strong as possible.. dun wish to let my parents to know how i feel now.. i guess they thinks i old enuff to know how to think and handle my feelings..

my problem....................................................................

erm.. last nite i got really a sweet dream... some of my dreams do come truth.. but i really hope tat this dream will come truth.. i had met someone who i love... hehe.. but too bad.. i had forgotten how u look like..

jiejie been warning me... learn your lesson liao hor.. dun tat easily fell in love again.. erm.... seriously yesterday nite... it was really a very sweet dreams.. i had been thinking abt how tat guy look like... haha... :P guess maybe i am too tired.. didn't had a big break through for my work.. why.. am i tat stupid.. i can't even solve tat..

min arh min arh.. u getting more and more gone case.. more and more lazy.. more and more stupid.. can go die liao...

hehe.. today is my birthday.. erm.. no no.. 2 hours ago.. was my birthday.. today nothing much special.. just went back office as normal.. but during lunch.. my colleague gave me a surprise.. by treating me at cartel.. hehe.. erm.. they sort of know.. i got to go soon liao.. but i will miss them.. tot of bringing rocher for them tomorrow.. after work.. i went over to cineleisure to watch movie.. hehe.. the 40 year old virgin was good.. damn funny.. plus full house.. so worried tat the tickets will be sold.. cos i only reach there around 7.05... hehe.. he bought me a bouquet of roses.. really surprise cos i tot he will me a bear.. after movie.. we went for dinner.. actually thinking of crown or parkway or changi airport.. just nice 36 was here.. so i chose changi.. lala.. of cos he ll lah... it was my birthday... went over to T1 swensen.. got a free firehouse ice-cream.. yummy... delicious..

erm..sort of today i also know why me and another guy doesn't work out.. cos we know each other for too long.. erm..... sort of a bit pity.. but guess it is over... btw, my grandpa had discharged already.. but.. he never went for operation......

tuesday, went out with my colleague to orchard... we watched transporter 2.. tat guy was cool...after tat she went back hm.. and i went shopping for a pair of shoes.. ended up bought a pair of heels..

monday, was really shagged day for me.. cos i really very tired after two days of chalet... and after work i went to visit my grandpa.. and boss talk to me abt whether i want to stay or dun want to stay...

fri, sat and sun.. i enjoyed myself a lot.. thanks pple... should i said out wat i got for birthday?? ok.. i shall list all out....

1) 3 necklace - (one apple, one dragonfly and one seashells)
2) 3 pairs of earing - (one bear-->sliver, one dangling, one pair of 18k dolphins)
3) a cute bear wearing a friendship band.. it means me and her will be forever good
friend.. hehe.. right??
4) a cup
5) delicious.. hehe.. dkny perfume wor...
6) 2 bags...
7) two cards..
8) swimwear which i always wanted to buy...
9) vodka vanilla plus unknown --> bcos i haven take from jil.. and he is nagging me
to collect it from him asap.... so..........
10) a bouquet of flowers...
11) a big cushion..
12) a cartel treat...
13) hongbaos..
14) a dolphin braclet...
15) a cushion story book..
16) guess this one is for esterling to fill in.. lol.. :P
17) ........................ --> for u to fill u wat u want to give me..

seriously... today looks damn shag and haggard... really very tired of two days of fun end enjoyment.. life been really great for the past weekend.. everybody shower me with care and love.. seriously i really enjoyed my birthday celebration a lot... guess this will only be once.. cos it was an expensive celebration... had been discussing the matter of changing job or not.. guess all my family members know abt it.. they all encouraged me to take up this new challenge...

yesterday nite.. i was discussing this matter with both my good friends... they will support me no matter wat i choose in the end.. but in a future propective view.. is to choose something better... guess i also agree with them..

hai~~~ this week life been really too dramatic.. things had been happening really good and really bad.. guess wat had happened????

MY GRANDPA IN HOSPITAL

so wat?? wat so big deal abt it... erm.. if i am not wrong.. now.. the doctor suspecting he got cancer... now.................. can see tat my dad quite sad abt it... as to be a daughter of his..... i die die also must go hospital to see my grandpa.. no matter how tight my schedule.. no matter tat i had to take leave or off or watever.. he was being admitted on two days ago... till now i had never stepped in hospital to visit.. guess i going to scold by my grandma very soon.. she will said i unfillal and there goes her story.. blah blah.... hai~~~

my chalet going on.....

so wat again?? too dramatic... one side was sad..one side was happy... maybe tat's is wat called neutral in life...

got a new job........

yesterday went for the course.. my course mate told me.. i had actually make up my mind.. just want pple to said tat it is good... and i should go for it.. guess wat he said was right.. it shows tat the course was working effectively for him.. while for my case.. guess i had neglect my skills and sort of.. giving it up.. hai~~~~~ guess later on.. got to talk to my boss abt this matter...

erm... i got really a nice boss and a great bunch of colleagues.. though i got a job offer now.. but.. i really dunno wat to do.. felt so lose?? is the pay that tempts me to go or the company or ???????????

parents wanted me to work in the new company as pay was much more higher than the current one tat i had.. but... sor of couldn't bear to leave here now.. hai~~~ why must i make decision.. where i had to make decision..

actually wanted to celebrate my 21th birthday with kor before he leave.. but guess he was too busy ba.. no time for me. i leave early.. guess he must be very angry abt it... hai~~~ been reflecting on my journey back home..... tears started to roll down.. but.... once i opened up my magic book.. tears dry up le. hai~~~

erm.. got a shocked when i wake up in the morning.. my friend sms me.. ask me to reply her when i got up... sort of got 3 miss call by a buddy of mine to wake me up in the morning.. cos i requested morning call from him.... saw the msg of my another friend... asking me to attend a dinner and dance with her.. erm.. shocking news.. had never attend a dinner and dance before in my entitled life till now...

hai~~~ in the meanwhile i had to wait for a phonecall which makes me to change my phone to vibrate mode.. waiting seems like so hard.. just want to know the result whether i fail or had pass tat interview.. and i need to get back to my lecturers too.. hai~~~

waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting..........................

now i started to hate to wait.............................

saw this title.. am i anything to you??

i actually had went to bed but turn on my lights again... sort of a lot of things floating in my mind.. nothing seems to be clear in mind.. wat should i want... seems like the course had start to lose the power in my life... i started to be a wander soul again.. omg.. how can i landed in such state again.. took such a long time to recovered from this.. now... hai~~~

these past few weeks or days.. all my cousins had started to help me to plan out for my chalet... and help to prepare stuffs for me.. it is like a a whole family outing again.. cos out of my surprise my granny will be joining us too.. but duno why.. still feel very lose and empty.. seems like these few year i am at a losing end where i starting to lose a lot of things... i ......... though these few days i been chatting with him online.. but those things tat happened to him.. really stunned me.. why?? but i started to lose the feelings towards him.. maybe times passes really long.. get to get on with my life.. but.. dunnoooooooo why i feel so puzzled again and again... i guess i am very INDECISIVE.. i dunno wat i want in life.. wat i want to do..

at the end of the post, i can only said... I LOSE MY WAY AGAIN... BUT I WANT TO FIND IT BACK BY MYSELF...... MUST LEARN TO BE MORE DECISIVE..

yesterday nite had a nightmare.. tears been rolling down my cheeks... wat does tat means?? kor is leaving me.. he won't be celebrating my birthday with me.. kinda miss him when he leaves.. normally is he who pamper me.. and take care of me.. but i also hope tat within tat half a year he is away... i will have some changes in me.. really miss the times tat i had my black forest cake downstairs.. when i was celebrating my 18th birthday.. now... the fact is he will be leaving soon.. sob sob.. :'(

thursday..sort of had things to handle.. left office late.. reached there late.. then when i reached home.. was already quite late.. but had to finish stuffs tat i had brought back.. should express my thanks to kk.. cos he helped me a lot tat day.. thanks buddy.. next week or the week following will meet up with u and treat u... :P since tat was wat i promised... maybe on my birthday tat day hor..

friday.. sort of body immune system getting worst.. or maybe i haven really recovered.. and again i stay up late night.. so body system abt haywire.. went back to see doctor and complaint abt the antibotics.. 2 tablets 3 times a day. imagine 6 tablets for a day which led to my gastric pain.. therefore i had to stop it and changed the medicine.. if i contiune to get mc.. i guess my boss will kill me... although i might change job...

hai~~~~ today very no mood sia.. wat should i do? came popping on my mind again.. hai~~~~~ should i go for tomorrow interview?? my boss today talked to me about my contract.. i haven signed it.. and why i haven signed.. yupe.. i did got counter offer... but i just dunno how to bring it up to her.. i know tat interview might nt be able to be success.. feeling so confuse.. got stuck again.. wat should i do.. do i still go for tat interview or stay as wat i am now.. but the problem is i won't satisfy lor.. cos the pay over there was much more higher than wat i am having now.. as for human nature.. it really tempts me to work over there.. the disadvantages was tat.. definitely it will have more polictics that i expected.. hai~~~ pple been encouraging me to go over to try it out the interview.. since it has no harm.. but by tomorrow i got to sign my contract? should i sign or should i nt? should i wait for my opportunity to comes? or ????? wat exactly should i do??? Got the sense of gulit in my mind.. of wat should i do.. cos this contract came in really late.. tat's why i had my plans of finding job else where.. now it comes.. it makes me puzzled.. hai~~~ can someone guide me out of this path...

sian... got a terrible day today... went back to school early in the morning but i am late.. luckily tat lecturer was sitting over there waiting for me.. she was very considerate, in a sense tat she meet me at mac.. therefore i dun need to walk to so far to the mrt station.. but.... daddy sent me to work.. lol.. got stuck at the expressway for quite some time.. today everything been haywire.. hai~~~ sob sob.. sit there 3 hours to solve one stupid question.. "unable to get file from the asp server." what the ****** is this.......... hai~~~~~~ sian.. hopefully i can get it solve by today.. hardly got the mood to start to do programming.. now.. first step already got into deep trouble..

later at nite.. still got to attend my forum.. hai~~~~

yesterday went to watch red shoes.. erm.. still ok lah.. but anton told us not nice.. overall the conclusion was the ending really sucky... my friend asked me whether i want to join his "forum club".. haha.. tat's was a pretty good idea.. cos got someone to accompany me to............ (fill in the blanks yourself ba.. ) but.....................

my leader called me last nite.. told him tat situation i am in now.. he will help me later.. we shall see wat will happen...

thursday.. really skipped my lesson and stay in office trying my best to finish up my stuffs which was supposed to be finish by friday.. but when the moment i open the other two forms.. i wanted to faint.. it was in the mess.. i spend almost one and half hour to finish up one of the form then started to do coding.. tears also want to drip down liao.. i know busy was fun.. but.. nt at that moment when my body haven really recovering.. reaching 2am... my eyes can't take it.. koonz......... went to bed.. the next day, really bad.. can't wake up on time. sob sob.. :'(

friday... finally finish my work at 5pm.. hai~~ quite late.. luckily.. customer did not complaint.. after tat went out with ah-jie to her favourite place to help her to release her stress.. then sort of plan a bit for my birthday..

sat... went out with my mum to get my phone repair.. then went down to bugis to buy stuffs.. erm.. bought 2 tops... alamak.. spent money again... oh.. i bought 1 bag too.. hehe.. at nite went to meet kim and carina for dinner.. and i bought another pair of earings..... die.. spent too much money this week...

sun... Carina accompany me to go supermarkets to buy some stuffs for my birthday.. then i went to library to check my email. in case there were some changes from my client.. lucky... dun have.. then i dun need to work.. :P we went to starbucks to loiter a while... then head back home..

this week been very shagged for me.. guess my body immune system is getting weaker... just recovered nt long ago.. now virus back again.. antibotics too strong for me.. causing my gastric very pain.. tat makes me to stop all my medicine.. hai~~~ today.. eyes like closing soon.. plus.. received a phone call from .............. makes me more puzzled..

hai~~` today should had listen to my parents to stay at home and rest. Instead of staying at home to rest, i went to work.. erm... sort of tons of work waiting for me to complete.. alamak.. this is my second project.. hope i won't ruin it.. to me, it is quite a big project.. i hope i won't ruin it.. but actually i got something urgent to do... the deadline is on friday.. can i finish it?? i guess cannot.. tmr got to skip tat session.. and do my stuffs... then i can start my project.. i can't focus.. then next monday going for a course.. (should be confirm ba!!) i guess after tat gt to go back to office to do my stuffs again.. hai~~~

something which i am nt sure was.. this coming friday.. how?? wat should i do?? xuer ask me to go to her chalet..... after seeing her and jil....... i .............. sometimes things won't last for forever.. maybe let the memories flow thru your life will be better.. at least u won't feel tat painful.. cos it was in the past.. and of cos u will find someone better and said thanks to your past.. otherwise u won't had such a gd future partner.. am i right to say tat? or maybe i am being too emotional... or i let emotion to lead my life??

hai~~~ these few mths been falling sick tat often.. hw come?? why my immune system getting more and more weak.. even the doctor asked me to take care.. he asked me to go back to see him if my temperature keeps remain at tat high.. he even gave me two days mc.. but i guess tomorrow i will be going back to office.. need to do some stuffs and it was urgent.. so die die also must go back office.. today my colleague suppose to coach me.. but due to i fall sick.. he never came back office today.. so paiseh.. how can i delay the work...

supposely to meet yy they all on thursday to go changi airport to have swensen and chit-chatting session.. but i guess it will be cancel.. cos i got a course to attend on thursday.. i guess i most likely won't attend, i will be quite busy lately.. got to handle a new project... hopefully i can do well...

friday... hai~~~ i got to make up my mind.. my friend jio me go chiong.. but my health like getting worst.. should i go chiong with her??? erm.. or should i accompany my cousin.. hai~~~ how?? wat should i do??

yesterday her student ran off from school... hai~~~ it makes her feel so lethargic after rushing here and there.. but luckily.. the police managed found her at ard 9..

erm.. these few days been out so terribly tat my pocket got a big hole without realising. i realise one thing these two weeks.. i guess everyone got feed by him till we gain a few kgs... can u imagine tat?? it is only two weeks before he going ns... we been enjoying ourselves so much.. wahaha.. last wednesday, we went to watched movies and after tat we went to play pool.. AGAIN i had to remind everyone abt my chalet on the 22nd of OCT.. lol..we had tons of chocolate tat day.. but missymouse didn't even have a bite?? why?? i tot she like chocolate a lot... maybe she dun like dark chocolate ba...

monday feelings was like heavy rain and thunder...... cos..... nothings seems to be right happening.. hai~~~ something happened at home.. plus.. got a sms from my friend's ex bf telling me tat she admitted hospital.. hai~~~ feeling really down.. cos.. we used to be such close friends.. but now.. such things happened.. she sms me and tell me.. dun worry, i won't die so early.. i still want to sing birthday song with u........ hai~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tuesday, i went out with my friend which i met at a project.. hehe.. we went shopping but i couldn't grab anything tat i like.. maybe bcos my mood wasn't tat good.....she promised she will accompany me to get my 21th birthday clothes.. wahahaa... :P

wednesday, we went to ps to watch movies.. sort of like a small gathering.. i enjoyed myself.. thanks missymouse, yy, anton and kelvin..

thursday, yeah~!! one week of break before my classes starts.. so wen out with yy n kelvin.. this time round..we went to marina again........... this time round i didn't eat much.. after tat we went to starbucks to chat for a while.. but i am glad tat we all kept our promises.. sms each other when we reached home.. =)

friday.. went to meet my cousin.. but gt a surprise when i saw my rejected giro application form....... hai~~~ will explain it in another post ba...

sat.. went down to settle my stuffs.. and after tat at nite.. i met the guys for dinner.. thanks to kelvin's mum for tat treat.. after tat we went over to geylang and had bean curd... erm.. i felt so bloated tat day.. now i starting to lose my voice.. i saw a watch tat i liked a lot tat day.. my aunt wanted to buy for me but i rejected her offer.. maybe i shall buy tat watch to give to myself as my 21th birthday.. :)

sun.. met carina for dinner at parkway.. bought 2 pairs of earing.. 1 ring.. so....
btw i met anton and his friend at parkway..

today had a lunch with my boss and my colleague.. tmr.. got to start to do my programming.. hai~~~ next two weeks.. i will be going course for two days at microsoft.. hai~~ i scare later i dun understand anything they said.. i am so touched today.. ah-fen told me she bought something for me.. and will pass it to me when she come to my chalet.. i tot she forget me already.. but i am glad.. our friendship are still lasting.. it really had been a long long long long time i ever met her and joy joy.. i miss them so much... use to hang out tat often... now.. once in a bluemoon... :'(