wahahaa... to be very frank, after i read nanny blog on friday.. a lot of things floating on my mind~~ i didn't even want to step out on sat.. suppose to meet my gd friends they all at queensway shopping centre but ended i fly aeroplane~~ as usual.. brother nag at me lah~~~ cos i let him be lightbulb~~ wahaha.. :P i met up with them at suntec ard 8 plus.. while the meeting time should be 7.30pm.. wahaha.. i am very late le~~ but someone is later than me~~ cos he attending his church servicing~~ Erm.. to everyone of us, we were very shocked that he had convert to christian~ No harmful meaning nor thoughts, is just that we know him for more than 10 years~ Even though last time yy gt invited him to church, he also dun feel anything.. now he suddenly converted, make all of us very stunned.. i know life isn't that easy for him when he was born, nobody can ask hw perfect life to be. I can't make any changes neither.. i heard his mum's story.. hw she broke up with his dad... and hw he see each time the girl he likes fall in love with another guy except him~ hw heartbroken he is each time he saw the girl he likes ended with someone else.. hw working life had been for him.. he had been keeping it quietly.. none of us can said whether the decision you had made is correct or not.. to me, i think is a way, u can try to let go of things that u had kept it in yourself... believe yourself u can make it.. kelvin, if u need a listening ear, just tell us ba, i believe we will be there for you.. but is only when u willing to open it up..
seriously, the 9 of us who had met up on last sat~~ had divided into 3 groups~~ 1 group talking abt bible~~ while another group talking abt--> i dunno.. while the third group will be brother, banana and i .. the four of us.. --> rubbish lah~~ still got wat.. plus planning a trip for my birthday~~ After dinner at suntec, we went to haagen daz at esplande, haiz~~ Actually brother ordered an ice-cream which i wants to order.. but i immediately change my mind~~ wahaha.. :P
After ice-cream session, i met up with my friends.. We went clubbing together with brothers~~ haha.. tat was a nite which i dun even want to remember anything~~ seriously that nite too many things happened.. guess they were very stunned see me tat drunk~~ Of cos they send me home with my good friend driving~~ luckily she was awake~~ plus ant is awake.. the rest all very drunk~~ especially me~~ haiz~~ after tat nite, i finally know.. my heart is still bleeding~~ time passes for 2 years and reaching 3 years le~~ i still can't let go of the past mah? and i being stubborn to hold on to it~~ i think tat nite i mumbled out everything~~ mum asked me to forget abt him~~ she said.. wat so good abt him~~ maybe he is the second one who treats me that good ba~~ or maybe the one for me haven appeared up ba~~ i dreamt of him last nite.. i was very happy in the dreamt~~ and in the dreamt i told myself.. he no longer suitable for me~~ wahaha.. i hopefully in reality, i can tell myself tat..
I haven explained why i feel that bad after reading nanny's blog.. of cos.. i know he is attached now.. i also understand that pple attached only have his gf in his mind~~ my mind was floating hw good nanny is towards me~~ in the middle of nite, drive to my house and pass me my resume~~ wahaha.. middle of nite, buying supper for me~~ hahaa.. is tat considered good? haha.. but now i dun have this kind of privilege le~~ now is only his gf got this kind of privilege~~ so envy sia~~haha~~ i thinking back a question~~ If i never met him before nanny, will i choose a different way? hahaa.. i dunno.. watever it is.. i dun wish to look back le~~~
dear had been msg me on that nite.. but till now i still haven tell him hw badly i was drunk on sat.. seriously i dunno.. i enjoy the feeling being pampered.. or maybe so called~~ i am very weak in heart~~ i wished to have someone to listen to me.. talked to me.. hear me complaining.. currently i should be consider as fortunate ba~~
sometimes i will complain to brother.. haha.. he asked me to quit my job.. i told him.. ya lah~~ i quit le~~ then your ears will be peaceful le~~ he said is ok for him~~ wahaha.. touch sia~~
hahaa.. i dunno wat my mind nor my heart thinking~~ guess i need sometime to clear my tots again~~ just like hw i clear my tots when i broke up with L.. After i broke up with L, i met him~~ he been there for me to dependent on for the past few years~~ yet without saying anything, he just leave me~~ maybe i couldn't find a reason why i should get out from the past~ or maybe i should said.. i haven found a reason why that's the end~~ or ? if u are reading this, i hope u to be frank to me~~ why all this happened.. why nt u tell me the truth.. stopped torturing my mind and my heart~~ do u know hw painful i am~~ hw many times i had complained to jil~~i can't take it anymore le~~~
sunday~~ suppose to meet friends.. but i vomited for one whole day~~ hw to go out~~ whole body dun even have the strength to go.... haha.. just msg my friends they all.. and said thank you to them~~~~ luckily.. my parents didn't really scold me~~ just asked me not to do that again~~~ guess they are ok with my friends.. cos they are glad that they send me home tat day~~ instead of throwing me at the street of ms~~~~ but i am so called black-listed by my friends who are supposed to meet them on sunday~~
of cos from this week onwards is my peak le~~ hahaa.. can i continue to stay on with my current job or switch job~~ will depend on this report ba~~ this report can determine a lot of pple pay~~ and a lot of stuff~~~ maybe numb myself by work is another way to sort out my tots.. wahahaa.. :P
Monday, August 27, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
9 bird days~~
hahaa.. never imagine i will have so many birthdays within the next three weeks~~tml, celebrating four of my buddies birthday~ tat already costing me a bomb le~~
sunday~~ another poly friend birthday~~ luckily nt i buy present de~~ cos no time plus no money~~~
actually nanny's birthday passed a few days ago~~ wahaaha.. see him so madly in love.. dun need to buy present also can le.. save money~~ whaha.. a bit envy sia~~~ haha.. when i told brother yy getting married soon ...he shoot me~~ u jealous arh~~i told him.. no lah.. just a bit envy~~ wahaha~~~ pple ard me all getting love and being loved.. while me.. still in the circle of love~~ haiz~~~guess love doesn't suit me~~
jil~~~birthday coming le~~ wahaha~~ should i get something for him~~ wahaha.. see hw first ba~~ a bit broke~~ :P
da jie da's birthday coming soon~~~ haiz~ another hole to be fill up~~~
my best friend's birthday on the 11th~~ opps.. again before pay day~~
2 colleagues birthday's coming on the 5th and 8th.. oppss..
a total of 11 birthdays for the next three weeks... omg~~~
sunday~~ another poly friend birthday~~ luckily nt i buy present de~~ cos no time plus no money~~~
actually nanny's birthday passed a few days ago~~ wahaaha.. see him so madly in love.. dun need to buy present also can le.. save money~~ whaha.. a bit envy sia~~~ haha.. when i told brother yy getting married soon ...he shoot me~~ u jealous arh~~i told him.. no lah.. just a bit envy~~ wahaha~~~ pple ard me all getting love and being loved.. while me.. still in the circle of love~~ haiz~~~guess love doesn't suit me~~
jil~~~birthday coming le~~ wahaha~~ should i get something for him~~ wahaha.. see hw first ba~~ a bit broke~~ :P
da jie da's birthday coming soon~~~ haiz~ another hole to be fill up~~~
my best friend's birthday on the 11th~~ opps.. again before pay day~~
2 colleagues birthday's coming on the 5th and 8th.. oppss..
a total of 11 birthdays for the next three weeks... omg~~~
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Re: Fwd: Abt mE~!!!
An email dd in 2002~~~ hahahaa..... jil did it for me~~ haha.. dunno why when i am reading it, my tears start to roll down again~~ is it bcos i think of him again? i ended up in a dilenma situation again~~ i very scare the same thing will happen again~ i must tell myself~~ i must go thru this round, i will not make the same mistake tat i did 5 years ago~~ watever is the past, let it be the past. dun let it occur again~~ then min~~ u will once again collaspe down le~~ now hardly see u crying at nite~~ dun do tat le~~ jiefu~~ cannot always lend u a ear le~~ he everyday have to go prison to report~~ no freedom~~ only once a while~~ can sms take care of u wor~~ jil~~i miss the period when he is with me~~ but i know i can't hold on to it anymore~~
> >>>Hey, fill this out about me!!!! *BUT FIRST* Send a blank copy to
all of
> >>>your friends (including me) so they can fill it out about you!
Have
>Fun! >>>:) hahah~.. guess some of the questions are pretty lame,but do
tell
>me >>>how u really think abt me yah? hmm.. dont worry abt the answers,
i
>wont >>>take them to heart.. Thanks for playing along.. =) >>> >>> >DO
YOU
>THINK I'M: >>> >>> > > 1. Quiet or Loud?: loud
> >>> >>> > > 2. Short or Tall?: dunno.. normal i suppose since abt 160
> >>> >>> > > 3. Weird or Original?: got crispy? keke
> >>> >>> > > 4. Nice or Mean?: both
> >>> >>> > > 5. Friendly or Selfish?: friendly?
> >>> >>> > > 6. Normal or "Special"?: wad special?? :P
> >>> >>> > > 7. Smart or Stupid?: both.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 8. Boring or Fun?: fun~
> >>> >>> > > 9. Hater or Lover?: i dun love you.. but i think you love someone..keke
> >>> >>> > > 11. Player or Playlette?: huh huh?
> >>> >>> > > 12. Heartbreaker or heartbreaky?: heartbreaky? >>> >>>
>
>------------------------------------------------------- >>> >>> > >
JUST
>SOME QUESTIONS:
>>> >>> > > 1. What do u think I'll be when I grow up?: relations personal
> >>> >>> > 2. (a.) Do u think I'll get married?: arboh.. keke
> >>> >>> > > (b.) If u do ... Who do you think I'll marry?: ur hubbie loh.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 3. When is my birthday?: 26/10
>>> >>> > > 4. Who is my best >friend?: dunno.. maybe ******? :D (cannot be mention, is already in the past)
> >>> >>> > > 5. What song (if any) reminds u of me?: none that i can
>remember of
> >>> >>> > > 6. Do I remind u of any characters on TV?: i dun watch tv liao..
> >>> >>> > > 7. If u could rename me, what would my name be?: li min is nice enough :P
> >>> >>> > > 8. Have u ever had a dream about me?: dream of you? eh..
dun think so..
>>> >>> > > 9. If u could give me anything, what would it be?: a listening ear :)
> >>> >>> > > 10. If u could promise me anything, what would it be?: help
you find a bf
> >>> >>> > > 11. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?:
>stronger in the will..
> >>> >>> > >
-------------------------------------------------------
> >>> >>> > > PERSONALLY (FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX ONLY?!)
>>> >>> > > 1. Am I physically ugly, average,decent, good-looking, >>>beautiful,hot?:
heard you >average.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 2. Would u ever kiss me?: cannot.. someone will beat me..
> >>> >>> > > 3. Would u ever consider being my boy/girl friend?: eh.. refer
>to qn 2
> >>> >>> > > 4. Do u ever think about me off-line?: yah lah~ whether
you crying or not..
>>> >>> > > 5. If we spent a day together...where would we go and what would we >>> >do?: go arcade den i see you play para para or dance revolution.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 6. If u could describe me in one word, what would that
word >be?: girlish? :)
> >>> >>> > > 7. Do u or have u ever had a crush on me?: EH... yah..
maybe becoz ur character very similiar to my ex..
> >>> >>> > > 8. Would you go out with me as of right now?: can go
out.. but muz tell someone first :)
> >>> >>> > >
>
-------------------------------------------------------
> >>> >>> > > JUST SOME QUESTIONS
>>> >>> > > 1. Do u wish we were closer?: >er.. dunno :P
> >>> >>> > > 2. What's your favorite thing about me?: ur character
> >>> >>> > > 3. State here your completely honest opinion of me?: wah, "very noisy leh" keke.. :X
> >>> >>> > > 4.If you were to think about me,wad would be the first thing
>that >>>comes >to mind about me? you crying.. :/
> >>>Hey, fill this out about me!!!! *BUT FIRST* Send a blank copy to
all of
> >>>your friends (including me) so they can fill it out about you!
Have
>Fun! >>>:) hahah~.. guess some of the questions are pretty lame,but do
tell
>me >>>how u really think abt me yah? hmm.. dont worry abt the answers,
i
>wont >>>take them to heart.. Thanks for playing along.. =) >>> >>> >DO
YOU
>THINK I'M: >>> >>> > > 1. Quiet or Loud?: loud
> >>> >>> > > 2. Short or Tall?: dunno.. normal i suppose since abt 160
> >>> >>> > > 3. Weird or Original?: got crispy? keke
> >>> >>> > > 4. Nice or Mean?: both
> >>> >>> > > 5. Friendly or Selfish?: friendly?
> >>> >>> > > 6. Normal or "Special"?: wad special?? :P
> >>> >>> > > 7. Smart or Stupid?: both.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 8. Boring or Fun?: fun~
> >>> >>> > > 9. Hater or Lover?: i dun love you.. but i think you love someone..keke
> >>> >>> > > 11. Player or Playlette?: huh huh?
> >>> >>> > > 12. Heartbreaker or heartbreaky?: heartbreaky? >>> >>>
>
>------------------------------------------------------- >>> >>> > >
JUST
>SOME QUESTIONS:
>>> >>> > > 1. What do u think I'll be when I grow up?: relations personal
> >>> >>> > 2. (a.) Do u think I'll get married?: arboh.. keke
> >>> >>> > > (b.) If u do ... Who do you think I'll marry?: ur hubbie loh.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 3. When is my birthday?: 26/10
>>> >>> > > 4. Who is my best >friend?: dunno.. maybe ******? :D (cannot be mention, is already in the past)
> >>> >>> > > 5. What song (if any) reminds u of me?: none that i can
>remember of
> >>> >>> > > 6. Do I remind u of any characters on TV?: i dun watch tv liao..
> >>> >>> > > 7. If u could rename me, what would my name be?: li min is nice enough :P
> >>> >>> > > 8. Have u ever had a dream about me?: dream of you? eh..
dun think so..
>>> >>> > > 9. If u could give me anything, what would it be?: a listening ear :)
> >>> >>> > > 10. If u could promise me anything, what would it be?: help
you find a bf
> >>> >>> > > 11. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?:
>stronger in the will..
> >>> >>> > >
-------------------------------------------------------
> >>> >>> > > PERSONALLY (FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX ONLY?!)
>>> >>> > > 1. Am I physically ugly, average,decent, good-looking, >>>beautiful,hot?:
heard you >average.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 2. Would u ever kiss me?: cannot.. someone will beat me..
> >>> >>> > > 3. Would u ever consider being my boy/girl friend?: eh.. refer
>to qn 2
> >>> >>> > > 4. Do u ever think about me off-line?: yah lah~ whether
you crying or not..
>>> >>> > > 5. If we spent a day together...where would we go and what would we >>> >do?: go arcade den i see you play para para or dance revolution.. keke
> >>> >>> > > 6. If u could describe me in one word, what would that
word >be?: girlish? :)
> >>> >>> > > 7. Do u or have u ever had a crush on me?: EH... yah..
maybe becoz ur character very similiar to my ex..
> >>> >>> > > 8. Would you go out with me as of right now?: can go
out.. but muz tell someone first :)
> >>> >>> > >
>
-------------------------------------------------------
> >>> >>> > > JUST SOME QUESTIONS
>>> >>> > > 1. Do u wish we were closer?: >er.. dunno :P
> >>> >>> > > 2. What's your favorite thing about me?: ur character
> >>> >>> > > 3. State here your completely honest opinion of me?: wah, "very noisy leh" keke.. :X
> >>> >>> > > 4.If you were to think about me,wad would be the first thing
>that >>>comes >to mind about me? you crying.. :/
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
the most shocking news for the day~~
wow~~ my good friend's bf propose to her le~~ and she is getting married next year~~ really shocking.. but at least brighter my day a bit.. damn pissed off when i am in office today.. and i just walked off after 6.30pm.. even though i never finished 8.5 hours..i dun care.. just walked off..without replying my boss email also~~
who cares le~~ damn pissed off over there le~~
who cares le~~ damn pissed off over there le~~
Monday, August 20, 2007
upc0m|ng event~~
Erm..... Upcoming should quite packed~~ my poly friends complaining.. abt this weekend~~ saying i dao arh~~~ ok lah~~ this shall be wat my schedule to be like for the next few weeks~~ `
20-21th of Aug : should be stuck at office but will be back for dinner at home.. cos now a bit VERY BROKE~~~ might be meeting niao niao to get presents~~~
22th : had a date with insurance agent~~ postpone it from last wk to this wk.
23th : erm.. might go facial with a friend~~ wahahaa.. she said should relax le~~
24th : Colleagues jio me go ktv.. should i go? a bit broke leh~~but waiting for da jie da.. i want to pass her some stuffs.. plus she also scolding me.. said i always jio her out but in the end never go out~~~
25th : omg~~~ weekend~~ yy, are we going out for dinner to celebrate for the birthday boys?? erm.. 4 for that side~~ sob sob.. i am so broke~~ brothers they all planning to go celebrate on that day also.. haiz~!~! i might be going m'sia with mum for a while to get some stuffs~~ cos she need it~~ so when i come back at nite.. might be going clubbing.. although i went last week...
26th : friend's birthday~~ had a gathering.. omg~~~
27th - 31th : prepare for battle le~~~ battle going to start at 1st of sept.. sob sob.. think i really going to become panda soon le~~~ so long never meet up with justin korkor.. miss a bit of nagging from him~~ but if he saw me now.. guess he will said i gone case..
1th sept : battle starts le~~ need to be on standby for most of the time~~ provide phone support.. tat doesn't mean my life going to quiet at this moment~~ maybe see da jie da... hw she wants to celebrate her birthday ba~~ if she wants to treat me drinking session~~ i also dun mind.. wahahaha.. can de-stress le.. :P
2nd of sept : is time to rest~~ since last week, i had been almost reaching home late.. and everyday take cab~~~ i need some sleep~~~
3rd-7th : Another highest peak le~~ guess tat time, my boss will keep target me if i haven down yet.. kana radar scan le~~~~
8th - 12th : need to work 24 hrs le~ haiz~~~ sob sob.. panda le~~~
actually should be 12th till all the way to 19th tat week.. i will still pack with work.. cos boss rejected my leave on 17-18.. desperately change my leave to half day.. and finally approved.. But we cancelled the chalet le.. maybe i will take half day off to take a rest.. plus keep a look out on new job~~
As for that week, is one of my gd friend birthday.. wondering whether she will do wat to celebrate her birthday.. will i be on her list of invited guest.. we shall see~~
Therefore my peak should end in last week of sept ba~~~ Brother tat day scold me greedy~~ want to go here.. want to go there to celebrate my birthday~~ ask niao niao to get me a chalet at phuket to celebrate my birthday~~ haha.. :P and in the same time ask him to get a chalet to celebrate my birthday~~ lol... u want to celebrate in singapore or phucket~~ if got both, then i celebrate at phucket, win celebrate in singapore.. then use video conferencing to connect right.. hahaa.. i was laughing like mad.. lol.. :p tat's a good idea~~ i said if dun have both of them~~ then we go bali lah`~~ they scold me siao`~~ " WHO WANTS TO GO PA TOH WITH U THEREE~!~! MOST OF THEM ARE COUPLES LOR~!~! -_-'' sob sob.. but tat day.. i told them abt someone.. hahaa.. maybe i will spend my birthday with someone leh.. tat will depend on hw everything goes~~ if i can't get my chalet and my phuket~~ last choice is to be with him~~ why he is the last choice leh~~ erm.. dun want to stuck with him.. if stuck with him le~~ then both of us also very jialat~~ lol.. :P see hw ba~~ i dunno how long it will last~~ hw bad it will turns out to be~~ currently i think i still contented with my life ba~~~ although i lose someone, maybe i still gain something leh~~ three good friends~~ now only left with one jil le~~ ok lah~~ jil still treats me nt too bad~~ sometimes we need to keep a distance also.. cos he gt girl girl de.. dun want to cause any misunderstand.. guess overall these few years~~ i had learnt my lesson le ba~~ dun stay too close with those guys that gt gfs~~
ytd my friend met his ex-gf with another guy while we went to watch fireworks~~ erm.. i wondering.. why can't i meet up with him once~ or i had forgotten hw he looks like or maybe he had walk pass me before yet he never called me.. maybe he let me saw that scene, i will know where my feelings stand.. sometimes i wondering whether my feelings had fade away or i bottle up inside myself.. when i saw nanny and his gf, i ok le~~ dun feel anything~~ just angry with him tat he never reply my msg when i am down~~ haiz~~ this year nanny won't celebrate my birthday le~~ cos he got gf le, dun need me this friend le~~ if i see k.... with his gf or his wife.. would be heartbroken and just cried~~ just one sentence, "i am fine" i am down with 4 shots~~ msg my brother.. tell him i am sad~~ i kana ditched~~ i think i really gone case le..
20-21th of Aug : should be stuck at office but will be back for dinner at home.. cos now a bit VERY BROKE~~~ might be meeting niao niao to get presents~~~
22th : had a date with insurance agent~~ postpone it from last wk to this wk.
23th : erm.. might go facial with a friend~~ wahahaa.. she said should relax le~~
24th : Colleagues jio me go ktv.. should i go? a bit broke leh~~but waiting for da jie da.. i want to pass her some stuffs.. plus she also scolding me.. said i always jio her out but in the end never go out~~~
25th : omg~~~ weekend~~ yy, are we going out for dinner to celebrate for the birthday boys?? erm.. 4 for that side~~ sob sob.. i am so broke~~ brothers they all planning to go celebrate on that day also.. haiz~!~! i might be going m'sia with mum for a while to get some stuffs~~ cos she need it~~ so when i come back at nite.. might be going clubbing.. although i went last week...
26th : friend's birthday~~ had a gathering.. omg~~~
27th - 31th : prepare for battle le~~~ battle going to start at 1st of sept.. sob sob.. think i really going to become panda soon le~~~ so long never meet up with justin korkor.. miss a bit of nagging from him~~ but if he saw me now.. guess he will said i gone case..
1th sept : battle starts le~~ need to be on standby for most of the time~~ provide phone support.. tat doesn't mean my life going to quiet at this moment~~ maybe see da jie da... hw she wants to celebrate her birthday ba~~ if she wants to treat me drinking session~~ i also dun mind.. wahahaha.. can de-stress le.. :P
2nd of sept : is time to rest~~ since last week, i had been almost reaching home late.. and everyday take cab~~~ i need some sleep~~~
3rd-7th : Another highest peak le~~ guess tat time, my boss will keep target me if i haven down yet.. kana radar scan le~~~~
8th - 12th : need to work 24 hrs le~ haiz~~~ sob sob.. panda le~~~
actually should be 12th till all the way to 19th tat week.. i will still pack with work.. cos boss rejected my leave on 17-18.. desperately change my leave to half day.. and finally approved.. But we cancelled the chalet le.. maybe i will take half day off to take a rest.. plus keep a look out on new job~~
As for that week, is one of my gd friend birthday.. wondering whether she will do wat to celebrate her birthday.. will i be on her list of invited guest.. we shall see~~
Therefore my peak should end in last week of sept ba~~~ Brother tat day scold me greedy~~ want to go here.. want to go there to celebrate my birthday~~ ask niao niao to get me a chalet at phuket to celebrate my birthday~~ haha.. :P and in the same time ask him to get a chalet to celebrate my birthday~~ lol... u want to celebrate in singapore or phucket~~ if got both, then i celebrate at phucket, win celebrate in singapore.. then use video conferencing to connect right.. hahaa.. i was laughing like mad.. lol.. :p tat's a good idea~~ i said if dun have both of them~~ then we go bali lah`~~ they scold me siao`~~ " WHO WANTS TO GO PA TOH WITH U THEREE~!~! MOST OF THEM ARE COUPLES LOR~!~! -_-'' sob sob.. but tat day.. i told them abt someone.. hahaa.. maybe i will spend my birthday with someone leh.. tat will depend on hw everything goes~~ if i can't get my chalet and my phuket~~ last choice is to be with him~~ why he is the last choice leh~~ erm.. dun want to stuck with him.. if stuck with him le~~ then both of us also very jialat~~ lol.. :P see hw ba~~ i dunno how long it will last~~ hw bad it will turns out to be~~ currently i think i still contented with my life ba~~~ although i lose someone, maybe i still gain something leh~~ three good friends~~ now only left with one jil le~~ ok lah~~ jil still treats me nt too bad~~ sometimes we need to keep a distance also.. cos he gt girl girl de.. dun want to cause any misunderstand.. guess overall these few years~~ i had learnt my lesson le ba~~ dun stay too close with those guys that gt gfs~~
ytd my friend met his ex-gf with another guy while we went to watch fireworks~~ erm.. i wondering.. why can't i meet up with him once~ or i had forgotten hw he looks like or maybe he had walk pass me before yet he never called me.. maybe he let me saw that scene, i will know where my feelings stand.. sometimes i wondering whether my feelings had fade away or i bottle up inside myself.. when i saw nanny and his gf, i ok le~~ dun feel anything~~ just angry with him tat he never reply my msg when i am down~~ haiz~~ this year nanny won't celebrate my birthday le~~ cos he got gf le, dun need me this friend le~~ if i see k.... with his gf or his wife.. would be heartbroken and just cried~~ just one sentence, "i am fine" i am down with 4 shots~~ msg my brother.. tell him i am sad~~ i kana ditched~~ i think i really gone case le..
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Attention : Chalet at Sept
Erm.. brother got a chalet in sept.. most likely confirm le.. hahaaa.. but my leave got rejected.. yy.. u let me know whether u can go mah.. :)
On 17/8/07
opps.. we had cancelled it~~ my leave nt going to approve on the 17-18th of sept.. cos currently still my peak period.. Therefore brother said cancelled ba~~~ he will try again in Oct~~ hahaaaa..
If it is in oct, i will pay for the chalet~~ then u guys bring the food ba~~ Erm.. otherwise we will have a trip~~ to celebrate my birthday~~ wahaahahaa.. sweet sia~~ right~~~`!~! After my phone incident.. i complained to so many pple... then i also asked brother for birthday present. hahaa a bit too early liao right~~!! he said N95~!~!~! tmd.. like jil pattern sia~~!!~!!~ if i didn't remember wrongly, jil said that on one of my birthday also.. haiz~~~ why the pple ard me all like that.. whahaaa.. but ok lah... nw i still enjoying except EVERYDAY WORK OT UNTIL MIDNIGHT~!!~!~!~ !~#!@#@@$!@@$@$@@@!!@#1
On 17/8/07
opps.. we had cancelled it~~ my leave nt going to approve on the 17-18th of sept.. cos currently still my peak period.. Therefore brother said cancelled ba~~~ he will try again in Oct~~ hahaaaa..
If it is in oct, i will pay for the chalet~~ then u guys bring the food ba~~ Erm.. otherwise we will have a trip~~ to celebrate my birthday~~ wahaahahaa.. sweet sia~~ right~~~`!~! After my phone incident.. i complained to so many pple... then i also asked brother for birthday present. hahaa a bit too early liao right~~!! he said N95~!~!~! tmd.. like jil pattern sia~~!!~!!~ if i didn't remember wrongly, jil said that on one of my birthday also.. haiz~~~ why the pple ard me all like that.. whahaaa.. but ok lah... nw i still enjoying except EVERYDAY WORK OT UNTIL MIDNIGHT~!!~!~!~ !~#!@#@@$!@@$@$@@@!!@#1
Sunday, August 12, 2007
my c0mplicat3d lif3
super jialat.. after my supper with my buddies.. i did not sleep till now.. haiz~~ can ton nite le.. guess must get some rest.. before i start to work again~~
N73 incident~~
Erm.. Bcos of one phone.. i am damn fed up with one of my colleague. I am thinking WTH~!~ what phone am i using is also none of your business.. Dun tell me bcos i am working there.. tat's why i can't buy things i like. Pls lor~~ i had been considering it,since long time ago. Although i knows is expensive, yet i still can buy it. This is an act of extravagant. Normally the value of the phone will drop very fast, why do you need to buy such an expensive one. To me, i always think my cousins are much more mature than me. They can differentiate what is NEEDS and WANTS~ This is very impt in life. IF you can't differentiate what you wants and what you needs.. You might be just leading an empty shell with no soul cos you haven found exactly wat you wants.. You just lead a life because you had to.. NOT bcos u had a choice to choose.. This is what my boss told me during a handover session from a colleague who coach me when i am having difficulties. Now she had requested to be in another team, while i had to take over her stuffs. Seriously i know is going to be a big challenge for me. I no longer only face internal user, i might need to face external parties questions and bcome the front end support. Normally i will only need to answer to internal users, my job is just to sit down and relax to find a solution for the problem. If can't finish it, just delay.. User dun really will pressurize you. But now the company had changed, every week you had to finish 2 incidents. Sometimes to me is impossible, maybe bcos i dun feel to do it.. i got no motivation to push me.. only at the very last min, i will rush thru.. But i know i had improved.. from someone who i dunno to do anything.. to someone can do it.. just have to give me some more time to prove that i can make it.. Boss just said i dun have the confident~~ but give me sometime ba... i really scare i will give wrong information.. then i might just ruin my company reputation.. As when u grows up, you need to have the responsible for work.. Cos sometime just one small mistake, you might be just creating a big problem.. You might not be the only to be affect, there a lot of pple down the stream to be impact.. I wanted to tell boss i can't take over her stuffs.. The only answer boss gave to me.. : "Can i said no to my director?" Haiz~~ i had no choice given at all, just to accept it.. Whether i can make it or not.. Just give them to judge me ba~~ Whether will i be given a chance to renew my contract or tat's the end of my service~~ in a few more mths time, i will know the answer le..
As for health~~ This year nothing seems to be smooth for me~~ Starting of the year bcos of ear problem.. I went to changi hospital to see specialist.. While these few months, my back become a big problem for me~~ Even my doctor in charge suggest me to go for x-ray. He even wrote a reference letter for me~~ I had been complaining to one of my colleague regarding it.. She said.. "Aiyah~~ maybe you quit le.. your back will be ok le~~" I wondering is it bcos of stress that leading to my back to be that serious.. But currently i am quite busy with work and my life~~ dun think i can settle down to make an appointment to go for x-ray.. how will it turn out to be~~ seriously i just dun want to think abt it~~ mum scared might bcos of nerver problem tat causing it to become so serious.. but my doctor said is of inflammation.. watever~~ i had to cut down on vigourous exercise cos i afraid i might not be able to walk next time.. haha.. too permissive le.. I know how bad my back can go to an extreme where i can't even move at all and just lay at the bed.. But it feels painful also...
I met nanny last weekend.. I saw him and his gf, while i went out with my two gay friends~ A bit really surprised.. Luckily he never saw what happened before that.. But i will not reveal what is it~~ hahaa.. Nanny.. dun need to guess le.. Neither of them are my bfs~~ I said before i got a lot of close guy friends.. doesn't mean that i go out with them, they must be my bf arh~~ we are just close buddies~~ of cos my gay friends will ask who is he lah~~ a normal reaction cos they a bit kpo.. mayb bcos i seldom talked abt my own personal life ba~~ Maybe i am just being very petty ba~~ i hate nanny from the moment when.... Ever since he got a gf.. we did not meet up anymore~~ we seldom keep in contact.. i did got ask him out for a few times but got rejected bcos he need to accompany his gf.. seriously.. for me is ok.. i am not angry bcos of that.. cos i know is normal.. when a guy gt gf or a woman gt bf, their partners will be always the priorty instead of friends.. There was a day.. so called i am itchy fingers.. I msn someone who i know i shouldn't.. But the answer i got was hurting~~ Actually is not consider as hurting.. just that i feel is hurting.. When someone said he is good with his life.. why should it be hurting.. you should be happy for him.. But i just dunno why tears just roll off.. maybe i stop giving myself excuses.. he left me is bcos of illness or etc.. . finding an excuses and not facing the truth.. seriously.. tat day i am down.. i went drinking with my gd friends.. neither did i cry.. i listen to my friend complaining abt her bf~~ i dunno why.. is it bcos i am being strong.. tat i dun cried in front of my buddies~~ but when i am walking back to home.. i cried.. tears just roll off.. my heart feel so painful.. i walking aimlessly.. i dunno who should i find.. seems like i bcome friendless sia~~ i sms nanny.. but seriously i just hate tat kind of attitude.. ever since that day... i never msg him.. even block him on msn.. haha.. childish hor.. but seriously.. when u are down... watever thing.. u just dun care le~~~ i called mao mao~~ i cried le~~ Mao mao told me.. girl~~ u still got hw many years to waste~~ dun hold on to a past tat doesn't belong to you... His gf also said that to me~~ maybe without them tat nite.. i dun even know where i am going to hide my feelings~~ So that day i being very frank, i told nanny.. is so conincident to see you here but is my unlucky day to meet you. NEXT TIME, DUN CALL ME EVEN U SEE ME~~ WE NO LONGER FRIENDS~~~ am i being too frank~~ just cut short my friend list with another name... sad.. min arh~~ your friends really getting lesser le lah~~~ pretend is only in front of work.. not in front of friends.. if in front of your friends.. u still need to act or wear a mask~~ dun u feel tired.. everyday u had to wear a mask.. when can u be yourself..
as for home~~~ tat day i had a dream~~~ i dreamt of my granny.. i told k before.. if i am going to lose her.. means tat will be the day i collaspe.. when i am very young.. she tends to stay at my house during weekend... every weekend morning.. she will go down and buy food for me where a lot of pple also knows that~~ but i will wake up very late~~ when food bcome cold.. i will throw temper and dun want to eat~~ as time passes.. i slowly change le.. where my family members think that i had grown up le.. knows hw to take care of the family.. .think of other pple.. When u are the single child, you will tends to think abt your future.. I must grow up bcos they need me to take care of them.. i must be strong.. just like wat i did during my grandpa funeral.. i told myself i cannot cried... i had to take care of my dad.. but every nite, i hide inside my room and cried~~ i also very emotional.. who can lends me a shoulder to cry on? At the very last day of the funeral.. tears did not flows down as normal.. is only when i push myself to think back the past.. my tears rolled down le.. in the end, i still need daddy to comfort me~~ but ended up.. office bcome a place where i cried~~
Grandpa~~ He died last year april due to cancer~~ When i am not even one year old, i moved this place where i called home.. When i am young, i tends to be very close with him~~ When i am in primary school, he will be the one picking me up at downstair, bring me to ah-ma's house for dinner.. on friday, he will bring me along to fetch my cousins to come over to stay.. when i am sick, he will bring me to see doctor.. Sometimes during weekend, he will bring us out.. maybe a swim at downtown east or tanjong rhu.. When i am in primary four.. ah ma fell down, had to stay at mt alexandra.. tat day i accompanied ah gong at hospital till late nite then i went back to ah ma's house.. can't deny... i am very happy during cny every year when i am young.. cos ah gong will always give each of us $100.. Maybe bcos of this kind of lifestyle.. lastime looks much more slimmer.. cos go exercise everytime.. sometimes even play soccer with my cousins at void deck.. during sec school, when i forget to bring money or dun have enuff money, i will go market ask him for money.. haha.. he always give me more than enuff.. The day before he died, i went to hospital with parents to visit him.. bcos ever since the chinese new eve dinner.. i had not seen him.. Tat day, i am very sick.. down with cough, flu, sore throat and fever.. Furthermore the day before, i met yy they all for steamboat at marina bay~~ That was the lastime i went there.. I still can remember vividly.. cos i spolit a chair over there.. i dunno why the chair just cracked~~ then i feel so paiseh~~ The day i saw him, was much more worst than cny's eve.. at the moment, i am the only grandchild there..most of my uncles and aunties were there except my second uncle.. Being too sick of me, i do not want to stay at the ward for too long.. i went in and out.. bcos myside was already a germ carrier... He can't even move tat much.. After i left hospital, i met up with bulldog, win, ant and sy.. We went fish & co... and we left for pool session~~ tat was when ant told me he and his gf problem~~ the next day when i wake up.. mum told me abt it~~ she told me that my dad cried when he heard the news~~ my grandpa was choke to death bcos of a cake.. The nurse should knows that he cannot eat that.. I dunno whether is it a relieve to him or etc...... When i reached there, they were not back from hospital.. Granny just sitting there mumbling.. "Why he just leave like this.. ytd when we saw him.. he was still ok... " crying.. Seriously.. when someone had be with you more than 50 years~~ where love had bcome habit.. where someone will hold your hands when both of u are out for dinner with a group of your children and grandchildren.. He will cook for you when you are busy.. He will be there for you when you need him to be there. He might not be a prefect husband nor father nor grandpa.. He will have his own good points too~~ After he left, i seldom go to granny's house le.. Maybe only cny ba.. this year i didn't even attend any family dinner~~ when it happened to have a family dinner.. most likely, i will be on a trip..
as for my cousin~~ Min lives in this world for 23 years.. She only met her cousin twice in her lifetime.. I went to Australia in 1994 with my uncle, auntie, cousin, grandma,mum and me~~ We took SIA flight and reached perth 2plus in the morning~ We got checked in to Perth international Hotel. Ard 5 plus in the morning, mum waked up all of us which bcos she tot we were late for the iternery. There was day where aunt brought all the adults to casino, while only left the four of us. He brought us to zoo, curtin uni(where he studies), rent vcd.. While he explaining abt his uni directory.. i am sleeping inside the car.. He got dangerous driving skill sia~~ but it was fun~~ only just the four of us.. Tat time his sis was not that quiet as now.. We rent a nun movie.. not to mention.. i fell asleep halfway thru the movie.. even though is a comedy movie.. The next day morning.. He taught me how to play tennis.. Tat was the first time and also the last time i touched tennis.. He said.. aiyo.. luckily u never spolit the pot of flowers.. Before i left aus, aunt tell mum.. Erm.. nextime can let her come alone mah.. i will come here to fetch her.. Min won't deny.. They had been very concern abt me since i am young.. They dotes me a lot... maybe this made me to change to focus on family.. The second time i saw korkor.. .was the last time le.. that time he was very sick le.. but just trying his best to accomdate us.. after dinner still offered me ice-cream.. cos he said i am still too young to drink wine~~ He said only above 30 yrs old women knows hw to appreciate red wine~~ tat's why i can only eat ice-cream.. not long after the dinner, he went to bed le... 1 year later.. his condition got worst.. he just passed away.. at tat time none of us were in aus.. i didn't send him for his last journey.. i kept my tears away at home.. I knew the news on sat morning where i still need to go back to cartel to work in the evening time.. actually i dun really feel like working tat day.. i told k in the morning.. he didn't said much tat morning.. just kept very slient regarding this matter.. didn't want to make any comments.. I suppose to end work at 11pm.. But i tot the duty went haywire again.. Therefore i worked till 12 plus or 1am.. I went down to selegie to meet da jie da and niao niao for drinking session.. I had an empty stomach before i drink.. After that we went to mr bean for supper.. Tat nite i suppose to meet up with nanny they all. But i did not turn up.. After i had my supper.. i took a cab home.. nanny found me.. hahaa.. comedy sia~~ that nite he saw was the day nite i got drunk where my heart breaks into pieces.. i went back to vomit out.. and took a bath before i sleep.. After he passed away.. i told myself.. i had to grow up and give k up.. to take care the family.. i will be there whenever my cousin needs me...
3 years later.. will i go back to aus.. if i really go.. i will go for a long break~~ maybe just like my primary school friend.. when she leave sg.. she will leave for one month.. and sliently.. only at the point she wants to departure.. then she will call you.. telling you that she is at the airport. haha.. of cos at family side point of view... they will wants me to go over.. but.. it shall depends on my leave.. i admitted my work took away a lot of my time.. i seldom spent time with family nowadays.. most of the time will be sleeping thru weekend or had to work..
as for relationship.. dear.. thanks for your trusts toward me..
As for health~~ This year nothing seems to be smooth for me~~ Starting of the year bcos of ear problem.. I went to changi hospital to see specialist.. While these few months, my back become a big problem for me~~ Even my doctor in charge suggest me to go for x-ray. He even wrote a reference letter for me~~ I had been complaining to one of my colleague regarding it.. She said.. "Aiyah~~ maybe you quit le.. your back will be ok le~~" I wondering is it bcos of stress that leading to my back to be that serious.. But currently i am quite busy with work and my life~~ dun think i can settle down to make an appointment to go for x-ray.. how will it turn out to be~~ seriously i just dun want to think abt it~~ mum scared might bcos of nerver problem tat causing it to become so serious.. but my doctor said is of inflammation.. watever~~ i had to cut down on vigourous exercise cos i afraid i might not be able to walk next time.. haha.. too permissive le.. I know how bad my back can go to an extreme where i can't even move at all and just lay at the bed.. But it feels painful also...
I met nanny last weekend.. I saw him and his gf, while i went out with my two gay friends~ A bit really surprised.. Luckily he never saw what happened before that.. But i will not reveal what is it~~ hahaa.. Nanny.. dun need to guess le.. Neither of them are my bfs~~ I said before i got a lot of close guy friends.. doesn't mean that i go out with them, they must be my bf arh~~ we are just close buddies~~ of cos my gay friends will ask who is he lah~~ a normal reaction cos they a bit kpo.. mayb bcos i seldom talked abt my own personal life ba~~ Maybe i am just being very petty ba~~ i hate nanny from the moment when.... Ever since he got a gf.. we did not meet up anymore~~ we seldom keep in contact.. i did got ask him out for a few times but got rejected bcos he need to accompany his gf.. seriously.. for me is ok.. i am not angry bcos of that.. cos i know is normal.. when a guy gt gf or a woman gt bf, their partners will be always the priorty instead of friends.. There was a day.. so called i am itchy fingers.. I msn someone who i know i shouldn't.. But the answer i got was hurting~~ Actually is not consider as hurting.. just that i feel is hurting.. When someone said he is good with his life.. why should it be hurting.. you should be happy for him.. But i just dunno why tears just roll off.. maybe i stop giving myself excuses.. he left me is bcos of illness or etc.. . finding an excuses and not facing the truth.. seriously.. tat day i am down.. i went drinking with my gd friends.. neither did i cry.. i listen to my friend complaining abt her bf~~ i dunno why.. is it bcos i am being strong.. tat i dun cried in front of my buddies~~ but when i am walking back to home.. i cried.. tears just roll off.. my heart feel so painful.. i walking aimlessly.. i dunno who should i find.. seems like i bcome friendless sia~~ i sms nanny.. but seriously i just hate tat kind of attitude.. ever since that day... i never msg him.. even block him on msn.. haha.. childish hor.. but seriously.. when u are down... watever thing.. u just dun care le~~~ i called mao mao~~ i cried le~~ Mao mao told me.. girl~~ u still got hw many years to waste~~ dun hold on to a past tat doesn't belong to you... His gf also said that to me~~ maybe without them tat nite.. i dun even know where i am going to hide my feelings~~ So that day i being very frank, i told nanny.. is so conincident to see you here but is my unlucky day to meet you. NEXT TIME, DUN CALL ME EVEN U SEE ME~~ WE NO LONGER FRIENDS~~~ am i being too frank~~ just cut short my friend list with another name... sad.. min arh~~ your friends really getting lesser le lah~~~ pretend is only in front of work.. not in front of friends.. if in front of your friends.. u still need to act or wear a mask~~ dun u feel tired.. everyday u had to wear a mask.. when can u be yourself..
as for home~~~ tat day i had a dream~~~ i dreamt of my granny.. i told k before.. if i am going to lose her.. means tat will be the day i collaspe.. when i am very young.. she tends to stay at my house during weekend... every weekend morning.. she will go down and buy food for me where a lot of pple also knows that~~ but i will wake up very late~~ when food bcome cold.. i will throw temper and dun want to eat~~ as time passes.. i slowly change le.. where my family members think that i had grown up le.. knows hw to take care of the family.. .think of other pple.. When u are the single child, you will tends to think abt your future.. I must grow up bcos they need me to take care of them.. i must be strong.. just like wat i did during my grandpa funeral.. i told myself i cannot cried... i had to take care of my dad.. but every nite, i hide inside my room and cried~~ i also very emotional.. who can lends me a shoulder to cry on? At the very last day of the funeral.. tears did not flows down as normal.. is only when i push myself to think back the past.. my tears rolled down le.. in the end, i still need daddy to comfort me~~ but ended up.. office bcome a place where i cried~~
Grandpa~~ He died last year april due to cancer~~ When i am not even one year old, i moved this place where i called home.. When i am young, i tends to be very close with him~~ When i am in primary school, he will be the one picking me up at downstair, bring me to ah-ma's house for dinner.. on friday, he will bring me along to fetch my cousins to come over to stay.. when i am sick, he will bring me to see doctor.. Sometimes during weekend, he will bring us out.. maybe a swim at downtown east or tanjong rhu.. When i am in primary four.. ah ma fell down, had to stay at mt alexandra.. tat day i accompanied ah gong at hospital till late nite then i went back to ah ma's house.. can't deny... i am very happy during cny every year when i am young.. cos ah gong will always give each of us $100.. Maybe bcos of this kind of lifestyle.. lastime looks much more slimmer.. cos go exercise everytime.. sometimes even play soccer with my cousins at void deck.. during sec school, when i forget to bring money or dun have enuff money, i will go market ask him for money.. haha.. he always give me more than enuff.. The day before he died, i went to hospital with parents to visit him.. bcos ever since the chinese new eve dinner.. i had not seen him.. Tat day, i am very sick.. down with cough, flu, sore throat and fever.. Furthermore the day before, i met yy they all for steamboat at marina bay~~ That was the lastime i went there.. I still can remember vividly.. cos i spolit a chair over there.. i dunno why the chair just cracked~~ then i feel so paiseh~~ The day i saw him, was much more worst than cny's eve.. at the moment, i am the only grandchild there..most of my uncles and aunties were there except my second uncle.. Being too sick of me, i do not want to stay at the ward for too long.. i went in and out.. bcos myside was already a germ carrier... He can't even move tat much.. After i left hospital, i met up with bulldog, win, ant and sy.. We went fish & co... and we left for pool session~~ tat was when ant told me he and his gf problem~~ the next day when i wake up.. mum told me abt it~~ she told me that my dad cried when he heard the news~~ my grandpa was choke to death bcos of a cake.. The nurse should knows that he cannot eat that.. I dunno whether is it a relieve to him or etc...... When i reached there, they were not back from hospital.. Granny just sitting there mumbling.. "Why he just leave like this.. ytd when we saw him.. he was still ok... " crying.. Seriously.. when someone had be with you more than 50 years~~ where love had bcome habit.. where someone will hold your hands when both of u are out for dinner with a group of your children and grandchildren.. He will cook for you when you are busy.. He will be there for you when you need him to be there. He might not be a prefect husband nor father nor grandpa.. He will have his own good points too~~ After he left, i seldom go to granny's house le.. Maybe only cny ba.. this year i didn't even attend any family dinner~~ when it happened to have a family dinner.. most likely, i will be on a trip..
as for my cousin~~ Min lives in this world for 23 years.. She only met her cousin twice in her lifetime.. I went to Australia in 1994 with my uncle, auntie, cousin, grandma,mum and me~~ We took SIA flight and reached perth 2plus in the morning~ We got checked in to Perth international Hotel. Ard 5 plus in the morning, mum waked up all of us which bcos she tot we were late for the iternery. There was day where aunt brought all the adults to casino, while only left the four of us. He brought us to zoo, curtin uni(where he studies), rent vcd.. While he explaining abt his uni directory.. i am sleeping inside the car.. He got dangerous driving skill sia~~ but it was fun~~ only just the four of us.. Tat time his sis was not that quiet as now.. We rent a nun movie.. not to mention.. i fell asleep halfway thru the movie.. even though is a comedy movie.. The next day morning.. He taught me how to play tennis.. Tat was the first time and also the last time i touched tennis.. He said.. aiyo.. luckily u never spolit the pot of flowers.. Before i left aus, aunt tell mum.. Erm.. nextime can let her come alone mah.. i will come here to fetch her.. Min won't deny.. They had been very concern abt me since i am young.. They dotes me a lot... maybe this made me to change to focus on family.. The second time i saw korkor.. .was the last time le.. that time he was very sick le.. but just trying his best to accomdate us.. after dinner still offered me ice-cream.. cos he said i am still too young to drink wine~~ He said only above 30 yrs old women knows hw to appreciate red wine~~ tat's why i can only eat ice-cream.. not long after the dinner, he went to bed le... 1 year later.. his condition got worst.. he just passed away.. at tat time none of us were in aus.. i didn't send him for his last journey.. i kept my tears away at home.. I knew the news on sat morning where i still need to go back to cartel to work in the evening time.. actually i dun really feel like working tat day.. i told k in the morning.. he didn't said much tat morning.. just kept very slient regarding this matter.. didn't want to make any comments.. I suppose to end work at 11pm.. But i tot the duty went haywire again.. Therefore i worked till 12 plus or 1am.. I went down to selegie to meet da jie da and niao niao for drinking session.. I had an empty stomach before i drink.. After that we went to mr bean for supper.. Tat nite i suppose to meet up with nanny they all. But i did not turn up.. After i had my supper.. i took a cab home.. nanny found me.. hahaa.. comedy sia~~ that nite he saw was the day nite i got drunk where my heart breaks into pieces.. i went back to vomit out.. and took a bath before i sleep.. After he passed away.. i told myself.. i had to grow up and give k up.. to take care the family.. i will be there whenever my cousin needs me...
3 years later.. will i go back to aus.. if i really go.. i will go for a long break~~ maybe just like my primary school friend.. when she leave sg.. she will leave for one month.. and sliently.. only at the point she wants to departure.. then she will call you.. telling you that she is at the airport. haha.. of cos at family side point of view... they will wants me to go over.. but.. it shall depends on my leave.. i admitted my work took away a lot of my time.. i seldom spent time with family nowadays.. most of the time will be sleeping thru weekend or had to work..
as for relationship.. dear.. thanks for your trusts toward me..
Monday, August 06, 2007
Cherish
Cherish watever you had, don't wait until u lose it then you regret. Guess that was what i always put in my ICQ lastime. It had been so long that i tried using ICQ again.
Once upon a time.. oh my god~~ my old grandma story coming again~~ my cousin told me before i will had two relationship in this life. Haha.. How many relationship i had walked thru? Seriously i dunno, maybe i dunno how to love someone or so called i dunno wat is relationship ba. But i did had two relationship or so called friendship or more that makes me hard to forget.
Actually i didn't take a very long time to forget my first love.. Erm.. Is tat my first love, well i dunno.. Am i complicated.. Guess is confusing ba.. Thing don't work well for both of us, maybe bcos i am just being too posseive le ba.. Tat's wat scorpion do mah.. cannot blame me right..
After we broke up,i so called know le jiefu they all.. Things been great.. Seriously i am just a affectionate animal.. That time no matter i quarrel or argue with friends, ending friendship. I cried like mad. That include korkor. Hahaha.. Who this korkor i refering to?? Sometimes i think i treat most of my guy friends become korkor le..
This korkor very unique de, i know him since my secondary school life. I had a very close primary school friend. He used to like my this friend but bcos of some stuffs they turned to become sour. Korkor used to come to sec school find me. Sometimes i used to afraid of wat other pple said. We will walk behind to kallang aiport there. Hahaa.. Just like what he said, why you care so much about what people talked or think about you. Guess that's me in the past but currently i am still behaving like this maybe slightly better le ba.. Can't deny, we did had numerous quarrelled. Sometimes he will be there for me when i need him. He will give me some surprises that i had never had before. Where got a friend so good? He will be there for you most of the time? During my O level, i did had some family problems. He was the one walking together with me, encourage me and force me to study hard. We been very gd friends since sec school but ever since both of us entered poly. Maybe time can changed a person. Both of us, no longer that close le. Especially after that quarrelled. He leave 10 voicemail on my hp scolding me. I couldn't remember what incident it was. Maybe bcos of i was throwing da xiao jie temper again ba. That was the night that i know K. Wrong.. I should rephrase it as that was the night when i start to talk to k on phone.
I was very down at the moment when i heard korkor scolding me. Of cos on the other side of the phone was someone being very slient hearing me weeping. Whereas that was when he told me that he very scared girl weeping. Slowly we bcome gd friends, but i seldom cried weeping at the other end le. But i turned to jil for weeping session. But as time passes, my xiao jie temper was revealed out. I started to be very dependent on this person. Most of the time, he been waiting for me. Till a day he said, we will not go out together le cos u always late. Haha.. Till now i still haven't change this habit yet. He was the first guy that i intro him to korkor. Of cos korkor knows wat was happening between me and him. We were just friends only mah. Why do i think until so complex? Min arh, your mind should works in a much more simplify manner. Can't deny having jil, xuer and him together for about 3 years.. I feel very fortunate le. Nothing can compare with the kind of care and concern they shower me plus they helped that provided to me. Those times was when i am so fortunate. Someone will care for me, no matter where i am.
Soon, three years passed.. I went to australia for some personal reason. Before i left singapore, we had some quarrelled too. I tot maybe giving up whatever at that point of moment can helped me to grow up and start to take care of the family. Guess i watched too much of drama le. At the point of moment, i sat alone at CA1. A place where i always went there with my buddies. I cried out all my sorrows. At hm, i had to hide away the tears and sorrow that i felt at the moment. After crying, i sat at the cafe opening out at my lecture notes whereas my brain was empty at the moment. Nothing went in, the only thing that i did was.. I sent a msg to k.. "Let's not contact anymore" I told myself at that moment, i will not turn back. I must give up, he doesn't belong to me. He called me but i hanged up the phone. Guess from that moment, things had changed between us. Korkor also used to receive this kind of msg from me. I really behaving like a kid sia~
Two wks later, i did change my mind. I picked up the phone and called him cos i start to regret. Did i hurt him that time? I don't know cos i dunno hw he feels. He kept everything to himself. He always make the decision then he let me know it. Maybe at tat point of time, i should know it. Before leaving sg, i told a friend. I scared i won't get used to it cos i am leaving for a week. I already getting used to have someone talk to me at nite. Be there for me anytime, just a call away. I really didn't had that wk very well. I met turbulence on my journey to aus, i tried to call him. He never picked up the phone and i even wrote him an email. How stupid am i? I know le, i can't lose this guy cos he had bcome part of life le. In the end, i lose him and we had not been contact ever since the last day at poly.
We had an agreement we will graduate together but ended up we did not. Maybe he very unlucky cos he met me. If he did nt know me, guess he might had graduate at the same time as me. Seriously i really feel very gulity towards him. Mayb that is why i always have the tot of giving him up. Min arh min arh, are u trying to find excuses or hiding away from the truth. The truth is he don't want u. Why u still so foolish weeping for so many years..
Hahah.. i dunno is that right or is that wrong... On the day of my graduation,i wanted to msg him so much. But did i msg him or not, erm.. i can't really remember le. Tat day korkor find me for ktv session, that day when i am alone in the room, my tears dropped le. I was hiding away from korkor, i dun want to let him see that i am weeping. Actually whenever korkor mentioning abt him, my heart did feel painful. Sometimes tear will just roll. Although nt a lot of pple met him before, yet most of the pple knows he was with me once. I should clarify it. Is I am the one thinking of it. Therefore is one sided love only ba. He is just being a kind person letting me to rely on him for that three years. Whatever he did to me or help me not bcos of he likes me. Is bcos of sympathy.
So fast, another two years passed... Within these two years, i don't know hw my feelings were. Most of the time i thinking of drinking which let my si tang to think that i had bcome jiu gui. Actually been wanted to drink to forget all these stuffs, let everything to become the end.
one was someone who i knows for 10 years brother.. Someone who will be there for me last time.. As time passed, friendship no longer that strong. why? maybe bcos of my self-concusious again ba.. or been busy with worked.. i seldom met him now.. we seldom chat abt our problems again. He will always ask me to go find a man to take care of me.
another one was someone who i knows for about 6 years or lesser.. four of us used to play game together online. I missed those times~~but it will not come back anymore.. four of us had all walked a different direction. East, North, South, West.. Guess we will all not appearing in each other life again cos all the directions are different. Thanks for giving that 3 years of xin fu.. tat time i know wat is laughter and not pain..
today morning i came back home at 6 plus. I saw korkor and him online. Imagine i drunk 4 flaming tequlia plus 1 orange chocolate shot and one jug of ultimate tequlia sharing with 2 other buddies did not let me do stupid stuffs again. Last nite, we went for drinking session just the three of us. Someone helped me to drink one more flaming tequlia,otherwise i might just landed at clarke quay instead of home. Back to the main point, i did not msn him nor korkor. I just changed my nick. Hahaa.. seriously my head is bombing.. so painful..but i also realised i no longer feel that painful anymore.. i starting to let go of him.. Seriously two of my si tang asked me.. why my msn nick always so long.. Tell u the truth ba.. i always had a kind of children thinking which is like everyone knws also.. I actually wanted to know whether does he still care abt me mah? I waiting for him to shower me with care again. But last nite, though i drunk so much, my mind also wake up le.. even he really shower me with care, everything will be different le.. Now he might be someone's else husband or bf or daddy le.. I will never know bcos we had nvr keep in touch for the past few years.
Wow.. finally wrote everything out.. hopefully i can end this beatiful misunderstanding with a good ending ba.. let go ba~~ let go ba~~ let go ba~~
AND let me had a BRAND NEW LIFE~~~ opps~~ dun mean abt relationship.. How me and dear.. will dear get provoked when he read this blog~~ hahaa.. Dear.. u should also find a brand new gf~~~
Once upon a time.. oh my god~~ my old grandma story coming again~~ my cousin told me before i will had two relationship in this life. Haha.. How many relationship i had walked thru? Seriously i dunno, maybe i dunno how to love someone or so called i dunno wat is relationship ba. But i did had two relationship or so called friendship or more that makes me hard to forget.
Actually i didn't take a very long time to forget my first love.. Erm.. Is tat my first love, well i dunno.. Am i complicated.. Guess is confusing ba.. Thing don't work well for both of us, maybe bcos i am just being too posseive le ba.. Tat's wat scorpion do mah.. cannot blame me right..
After we broke up,i so called know le jiefu they all.. Things been great.. Seriously i am just a affectionate animal.. That time no matter i quarrel or argue with friends, ending friendship. I cried like mad. That include korkor. Hahaha.. Who this korkor i refering to?? Sometimes i think i treat most of my guy friends become korkor le..
This korkor very unique de, i know him since my secondary school life. I had a very close primary school friend. He used to like my this friend but bcos of some stuffs they turned to become sour. Korkor used to come to sec school find me. Sometimes i used to afraid of wat other pple said. We will walk behind to kallang aiport there. Hahaa.. Just like what he said, why you care so much about what people talked or think about you. Guess that's me in the past but currently i am still behaving like this maybe slightly better le ba.. Can't deny, we did had numerous quarrelled. Sometimes he will be there for me when i need him. He will give me some surprises that i had never had before. Where got a friend so good? He will be there for you most of the time? During my O level, i did had some family problems. He was the one walking together with me, encourage me and force me to study hard. We been very gd friends since sec school but ever since both of us entered poly. Maybe time can changed a person. Both of us, no longer that close le. Especially after that quarrelled. He leave 10 voicemail on my hp scolding me. I couldn't remember what incident it was. Maybe bcos of i was throwing da xiao jie temper again ba. That was the night that i know K. Wrong.. I should rephrase it as that was the night when i start to talk to k on phone.
I was very down at the moment when i heard korkor scolding me. Of cos on the other side of the phone was someone being very slient hearing me weeping. Whereas that was when he told me that he very scared girl weeping. Slowly we bcome gd friends, but i seldom cried weeping at the other end le. But i turned to jil for weeping session. But as time passes, my xiao jie temper was revealed out. I started to be very dependent on this person. Most of the time, he been waiting for me. Till a day he said, we will not go out together le cos u always late. Haha.. Till now i still haven't change this habit yet. He was the first guy that i intro him to korkor. Of cos korkor knows wat was happening between me and him. We were just friends only mah. Why do i think until so complex? Min arh, your mind should works in a much more simplify manner. Can't deny having jil, xuer and him together for about 3 years.. I feel very fortunate le. Nothing can compare with the kind of care and concern they shower me plus they helped that provided to me. Those times was when i am so fortunate. Someone will care for me, no matter where i am.
Soon, three years passed.. I went to australia for some personal reason. Before i left singapore, we had some quarrelled too. I tot maybe giving up whatever at that point of moment can helped me to grow up and start to take care of the family. Guess i watched too much of drama le. At the point of moment, i sat alone at CA1. A place where i always went there with my buddies. I cried out all my sorrows. At hm, i had to hide away the tears and sorrow that i felt at the moment. After crying, i sat at the cafe opening out at my lecture notes whereas my brain was empty at the moment. Nothing went in, the only thing that i did was.. I sent a msg to k.. "Let's not contact anymore" I told myself at that moment, i will not turn back. I must give up, he doesn't belong to me. He called me but i hanged up the phone. Guess from that moment, things had changed between us. Korkor also used to receive this kind of msg from me. I really behaving like a kid sia~
Two wks later, i did change my mind. I picked up the phone and called him cos i start to regret. Did i hurt him that time? I don't know cos i dunno hw he feels. He kept everything to himself. He always make the decision then he let me know it. Maybe at tat point of time, i should know it. Before leaving sg, i told a friend. I scared i won't get used to it cos i am leaving for a week. I already getting used to have someone talk to me at nite. Be there for me anytime, just a call away. I really didn't had that wk very well. I met turbulence on my journey to aus, i tried to call him. He never picked up the phone and i even wrote him an email. How stupid am i? I know le, i can't lose this guy cos he had bcome part of life le. In the end, i lose him and we had not been contact ever since the last day at poly.
We had an agreement we will graduate together but ended up we did not. Maybe he very unlucky cos he met me. If he did nt know me, guess he might had graduate at the same time as me. Seriously i really feel very gulity towards him. Mayb that is why i always have the tot of giving him up. Min arh min arh, are u trying to find excuses or hiding away from the truth. The truth is he don't want u. Why u still so foolish weeping for so many years..
Hahah.. i dunno is that right or is that wrong... On the day of my graduation,i wanted to msg him so much. But did i msg him or not, erm.. i can't really remember le. Tat day korkor find me for ktv session, that day when i am alone in the room, my tears dropped le. I was hiding away from korkor, i dun want to let him see that i am weeping. Actually whenever korkor mentioning abt him, my heart did feel painful. Sometimes tear will just roll. Although nt a lot of pple met him before, yet most of the pple knows he was with me once. I should clarify it. Is I am the one thinking of it. Therefore is one sided love only ba. He is just being a kind person letting me to rely on him for that three years. Whatever he did to me or help me not bcos of he likes me. Is bcos of sympathy.
So fast, another two years passed... Within these two years, i don't know hw my feelings were. Most of the time i thinking of drinking which let my si tang to think that i had bcome jiu gui. Actually been wanted to drink to forget all these stuffs, let everything to become the end.
one was someone who i knows for 10 years brother.. Someone who will be there for me last time.. As time passed, friendship no longer that strong. why? maybe bcos of my self-concusious again ba.. or been busy with worked.. i seldom met him now.. we seldom chat abt our problems again. He will always ask me to go find a man to take care of me.
another one was someone who i knows for about 6 years or lesser.. four of us used to play game together online. I missed those times~~but it will not come back anymore.. four of us had all walked a different direction. East, North, South, West.. Guess we will all not appearing in each other life again cos all the directions are different. Thanks for giving that 3 years of xin fu.. tat time i know wat is laughter and not pain..
today morning i came back home at 6 plus. I saw korkor and him online. Imagine i drunk 4 flaming tequlia plus 1 orange chocolate shot and one jug of ultimate tequlia sharing with 2 other buddies did not let me do stupid stuffs again. Last nite, we went for drinking session just the three of us. Someone helped me to drink one more flaming tequlia,otherwise i might just landed at clarke quay instead of home. Back to the main point, i did not msn him nor korkor. I just changed my nick. Hahaa.. seriously my head is bombing.. so painful..but i also realised i no longer feel that painful anymore.. i starting to let go of him.. Seriously two of my si tang asked me.. why my msn nick always so long.. Tell u the truth ba.. i always had a kind of children thinking which is like everyone knws also.. I actually wanted to know whether does he still care abt me mah? I waiting for him to shower me with care again. But last nite, though i drunk so much, my mind also wake up le.. even he really shower me with care, everything will be different le.. Now he might be someone's else husband or bf or daddy le.. I will never know bcos we had nvr keep in touch for the past few years.
Wow.. finally wrote everything out.. hopefully i can end this beatiful misunderstanding with a good ending ba.. let go ba~~ let go ba~~ let go ba~~
AND let me had a BRAND NEW LIFE~~~ opps~~ dun mean abt relationship.. How me and dear.. will dear get provoked when he read this blog~~ hahaa.. Dear.. u should also find a brand new gf~~~
Friday, August 03, 2007
3rd of August.. 102 days more..
102 days more, tat exclude my current leave plus weekends and further more it does not include Public Holidays~~ Wahahaa... So called minus here and there a bit, i should able to clear my leave around end of October. End of October which means my birthday is coming, so fast i am turning to 23 this year. Had i grow up during these few years? Had i grow to be much more mature or still as childish?
In my parents mind or so called my uncles and aunties, i am always still a small kid that had not grown up, they still scare that i will go astray. Hahahaha.. But so called i had most of my freedom.
In my friends mind.. erm.. i dunno.. maybe i started to pop up puzzles.. i start to think we all slowly had a gap.. hahaa.. but i dunno it.. seriously.. normally i will go drinking to forget about the pain inside my heart. What causes it to be so pain? Love, friendship, or human relationship aka networking? Seriously i know i am control by my emotion. How i function? Pretty simple, happy or sad, it will be show on my face directly. Don't need to guess, just that even i am sad, i will not said out my problems. Most likely will be when i am a bit tipsy or i touch alcohol, i will start to talk non-stop.
In my parents mind or so called my uncles and aunties, i am always still a small kid that had not grown up, they still scare that i will go astray. Hahahaha.. But so called i had most of my freedom.
In my friends mind.. erm.. i dunno.. maybe i started to pop up puzzles.. i start to think we all slowly had a gap.. hahaa.. but i dunno it.. seriously.. normally i will go drinking to forget about the pain inside my heart. What causes it to be so pain? Love, friendship, or human relationship aka networking? Seriously i know i am control by my emotion. How i function? Pretty simple, happy or sad, it will be show on my face directly. Don't need to guess, just that even i am sad, i will not said out my problems. Most likely will be when i am a bit tipsy or i touch alcohol, i will start to talk non-stop.
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