Cherish

Cherish watever you had, don't wait until u lose it then you regret. Guess that was what i always put in my ICQ lastime. It had been so long that i tried using ICQ again.

Once upon a time.. oh my god~~ my old grandma story coming again~~ my cousin told me before i will had two relationship in this life. Haha.. How many relationship i had walked thru? Seriously i dunno, maybe i dunno how to love someone or so called i dunno wat is relationship ba. But i did had two relationship or so called friendship or more that makes me hard to forget.

Actually i didn't take a very long time to forget my first love.. Erm.. Is tat my first love, well i dunno.. Am i complicated.. Guess is confusing ba.. Thing don't work well for both of us, maybe bcos i am just being too posseive le ba.. Tat's wat scorpion do mah.. cannot blame me right..

After we broke up,i so called know le jiefu they all.. Things been great.. Seriously i am just a affectionate animal.. That time no matter i quarrel or argue with friends, ending friendship. I cried like mad. That include korkor. Hahaha.. Who this korkor i refering to?? Sometimes i think i treat most of my guy friends become korkor le..

This korkor very unique de, i know him since my secondary school life. I had a very close primary school friend. He used to like my this friend but bcos of some stuffs they turned to become sour. Korkor used to come to sec school find me. Sometimes i used to afraid of wat other pple said. We will walk behind to kallang aiport there. Hahaa.. Just like what he said, why you care so much about what people talked or think about you. Guess that's me in the past but currently i am still behaving like this maybe slightly better le ba.. Can't deny, we did had numerous quarrelled. Sometimes he will be there for me when i need him. He will give me some surprises that i had never had before. Where got a friend so good? He will be there for you most of the time? During my O level, i did had some family problems. He was the one walking together with me, encourage me and force me to study hard. We been very gd friends since sec school but ever since both of us entered poly. Maybe time can changed a person. Both of us, no longer that close le. Especially after that quarrelled. He leave 10 voicemail on my hp scolding me. I couldn't remember what incident it was. Maybe bcos of i was throwing da xiao jie temper again ba. That was the night that i know K. Wrong.. I should rephrase it as that was the night when i start to talk to k on phone.

I was very down at the moment when i heard korkor scolding me. Of cos on the other side of the phone was someone being very slient hearing me weeping. Whereas that was when he told me that he very scared girl weeping. Slowly we bcome gd friends, but i seldom cried weeping at the other end le. But i turned to jil for weeping session. But as time passes, my xiao jie temper was revealed out. I started to be very dependent on this person. Most of the time, he been waiting for me. Till a day he said, we will not go out together le cos u always late. Haha.. Till now i still haven't change this habit yet. He was the first guy that i intro him to korkor. Of cos korkor knows wat was happening between me and him. We were just friends only mah. Why do i think until so complex? Min arh, your mind should works in a much more simplify manner. Can't deny having jil, xuer and him together for about 3 years.. I feel very fortunate le. Nothing can compare with the kind of care and concern they shower me plus they helped that provided to me. Those times was when i am so fortunate. Someone will care for me, no matter where i am.

Soon, three years passed.. I went to australia for some personal reason. Before i left singapore, we had some quarrelled too. I tot maybe giving up whatever at that point of moment can helped me to grow up and start to take care of the family. Guess i watched too much of drama le. At the point of moment, i sat alone at CA1. A place where i always went there with my buddies. I cried out all my sorrows. At hm, i had to hide away the tears and sorrow that i felt at the moment. After crying, i sat at the cafe opening out at my lecture notes whereas my brain was empty at the moment. Nothing went in, the only thing that i did was.. I sent a msg to k.. "Let's not contact anymore" I told myself at that moment, i will not turn back. I must give up, he doesn't belong to me. He called me but i hanged up the phone. Guess from that moment, things had changed between us. Korkor also used to receive this kind of msg from me. I really behaving like a kid sia~

Two wks later, i did change my mind. I picked up the phone and called him cos i start to regret. Did i hurt him that time? I don't know cos i dunno hw he feels. He kept everything to himself. He always make the decision then he let me know it. Maybe at tat point of time, i should know it. Before leaving sg, i told a friend. I scared i won't get used to it cos i am leaving for a week. I already getting used to have someone talk to me at nite. Be there for me anytime, just a call away. I really didn't had that wk very well. I met turbulence on my journey to aus, i tried to call him. He never picked up the phone and i even wrote him an email. How stupid am i? I know le, i can't lose this guy cos he had bcome part of life le. In the end, i lose him and we had not been contact ever since the last day at poly.

We had an agreement we will graduate together but ended up we did not. Maybe he very unlucky cos he met me. If he did nt know me, guess he might had graduate at the same time as me. Seriously i really feel very gulity towards him. Mayb that is why i always have the tot of giving him up. Min arh min arh, are u trying to find excuses or hiding away from the truth. The truth is he don't want u. Why u still so foolish weeping for so many years..

Hahah.. i dunno is that right or is that wrong... On the day of my graduation,i wanted to msg him so much. But did i msg him or not, erm.. i can't really remember le. Tat day korkor find me for ktv session, that day when i am alone in the room, my tears dropped le. I was hiding away from korkor, i dun want to let him see that i am weeping. Actually whenever korkor mentioning abt him, my heart did feel painful. Sometimes tear will just roll. Although nt a lot of pple met him before, yet most of the pple knows he was with me once. I should clarify it. Is I am the one thinking of it. Therefore is one sided love only ba. He is just being a kind person letting me to rely on him for that three years. Whatever he did to me or help me not bcos of he likes me. Is bcos of sympathy.

So fast, another two years passed... Within these two years, i don't know hw my feelings were. Most of the time i thinking of drinking which let my si tang to think that i had bcome jiu gui. Actually been wanted to drink to forget all these stuffs, let everything to become the end.

one was someone who i knows for 10 years brother.. Someone who will be there for me last time.. As time passed, friendship no longer that strong. why? maybe bcos of my self-concusious again ba.. or been busy with worked.. i seldom met him now.. we seldom chat abt our problems again. He will always ask me to go find a man to take care of me.

another one was someone who i knows for about 6 years or lesser.. four of us used to play game together online. I missed those times~~but it will not come back anymore.. four of us had all walked a different direction. East, North, South, West.. Guess we will all not appearing in each other life again cos all the directions are different. Thanks for giving that 3 years of xin fu.. tat time i know wat is laughter and not pain..

today morning i came back home at 6 plus. I saw korkor and him online. Imagine i drunk 4 flaming tequlia plus 1 orange chocolate shot and one jug of ultimate tequlia sharing with 2 other buddies did not let me do stupid stuffs again. Last nite, we went for drinking session just the three of us. Someone helped me to drink one more flaming tequlia,otherwise i might just landed at clarke quay instead of home. Back to the main point, i did not msn him nor korkor. I just changed my nick. Hahaa.. seriously my head is bombing.. so painful..but i also realised i no longer feel that painful anymore.. i starting to let go of him.. Seriously two of my si tang asked me.. why my msn nick always so long.. Tell u the truth ba.. i always had a kind of children thinking which is like everyone knws also.. I actually wanted to know whether does he still care abt me mah? I waiting for him to shower me with care again. But last nite, though i drunk so much, my mind also wake up le.. even he really shower me with care, everything will be different le.. Now he might be someone's else husband or bf or daddy le.. I will never know bcos we had nvr keep in touch for the past few years.

Wow.. finally wrote everything out.. hopefully i can end this beatiful misunderstanding with a good ending ba.. let go ba~~ let go ba~~ let go ba~~

AND let me had a BRAND NEW LIFE~~~ opps~~ dun mean abt relationship.. How me and dear.. will dear get provoked when he read this blog~~ hahaa.. Dear.. u should also find a brand new gf~~~