hahaaaa...is he my first love? actually i also dunno?? or D is my first love? But most of the time D scold me rather than care for me.. but he scold me cos i neglect my studies.. hahaa....
i still rememeber how L cheer me up.. how stuffs going on between both of us.. just now had a long chatted with my another korkor. .realised tat L got married le.. i feel pretty sad.. tat time i remember that when i broke up with L.. i cried in my cousin's shoulder for a while.. all along the while, i am with him.. i dun have the confident to be with him... now.. i lost the guy..
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
A sweet memories that i used to have..
Erm... I don't really have a very big networking but i can't deny that i have a quite a good bunch of friends around me.
After i wrote finished the previous post and post it out, i received a call from him. I didn't really got the courage to pick up. I let it rang for a few times, because i scare when i picked up the phone.. @!@!$#!@!@!@ will be what i am hearing.. But i called him back using office phone. What i heard is totally opposite... A voice where i had never heard it ages ago.. He never dropped his tears in front of me at all.. Only that time when his father passed away. That is the only time he collaspe and cried in front of me. Guys are always like this. They don't want to said anything out, only wait till a day that they can't take it. Then burst it out. I rather you tell me what happened, than trying to be happy in front of me. Brother, i know you more than 10 years le. We used to be so close, i told you everything. Promise me, next time dun give up that easily. Anything happened, i will be there for you. Just like what you did for me in the past.. :)
Nanny, i can't deny that you had been walking me through my life for the past few years. You really treats me very well which i really tot nothing at all.. haha.. now.. i know your good points le.. haha.. deliver prata to me late at nite, my resume to me before i go to this shitty company to work... accompany me to celebrate through my birthday.. accompany me watch movies that i want to watch, sometimes i might be causing you watching twice. never knoe that i had been that dependent on you. really thanks.. helping me to lie to my parents that i was watching movie while actually i am clubbing.. plus thanks for your patient.. i am always late.. when i meet you after work.. you had never throw your temper on me.. just show me a black face.. but a while later.. you will be fine.. I wished you and your gf the best..
Buddies...
Most of you are attached already.. Feel happy for you all..
everyone jia you..
this song is for you all de..
After i wrote finished the previous post and post it out, i received a call from him. I didn't really got the courage to pick up. I let it rang for a few times, because i scare when i picked up the phone.. @!@!$#!@!@!@ will be what i am hearing.. But i called him back using office phone. What i heard is totally opposite... A voice where i had never heard it ages ago.. He never dropped his tears in front of me at all.. Only that time when his father passed away. That is the only time he collaspe and cried in front of me. Guys are always like this. They don't want to said anything out, only wait till a day that they can't take it. Then burst it out. I rather you tell me what happened, than trying to be happy in front of me. Brother, i know you more than 10 years le. We used to be so close, i told you everything. Promise me, next time dun give up that easily. Anything happened, i will be there for you. Just like what you did for me in the past.. :)
Nanny, i can't deny that you had been walking me through my life for the past few years. You really treats me very well which i really tot nothing at all.. haha.. now.. i know your good points le.. haha.. deliver prata to me late at nite, my resume to me before i go to this shitty company to work... accompany me to celebrate through my birthday.. accompany me watch movies that i want to watch, sometimes i might be causing you watching twice. never knoe that i had been that dependent on you. really thanks.. helping me to lie to my parents that i was watching movie while actually i am clubbing.. plus thanks for your patient.. i am always late.. when i meet you after work.. you had never throw your temper on me.. just show me a black face.. but a while later.. you will be fine.. I wished you and your gf the best..
Buddies...
Most of you are attached already.. Feel happy for you all..
everyone jia you..
this song is for you all de..
Thursday, March 22, 2007
being childish and immature..
being immature and childish, i lose another good friend of mine.. maybe this will be a better way for him.. i dun have to let him worry for me.. which this is what he does since he know me in sec school.. i know hw much he pamper and take care me like a little sister.. how much tears i had dropped in front of him.. i hope tat this time round.. i will learn how to pick up from where i fall down.. be a better person.. maybe next time when he sees me on the street.. he will thinks that i have grown up.. at least he will feel happier ba.. just that now i really need a period alone.. thinking where should i head and what should i do..
yesterday, i met up with my gd friends.. they shared some secrets in among themselves which are things that are pretty alien to me.. seriously i feel really terrible.. used to be so good friends.. ended up become like that.. after movie, i find an excuse and leave.. on the way back, i am thinking.. guess nextime i have to siam more gathering and bcome loner le ba.. Nobody is perfect.. or the world won't change to suit you.. maybe i also won't change to suit u? just tat.. if u really got secrets to share among yourself.. i rather i dunno anything and heard anything.. you can have the gathering and leave it out.. if u all really got things to discuss about.. i shouldn't have rush there after work.. i had been really very tired after battling at work... and that is wat i get.. sigh~~~~
Does friendship really does?
yesterday, i met up with my gd friends.. they shared some secrets in among themselves which are things that are pretty alien to me.. seriously i feel really terrible.. used to be so good friends.. ended up become like that.. after movie, i find an excuse and leave.. on the way back, i am thinking.. guess nextime i have to siam more gathering and bcome loner le ba.. Nobody is perfect.. or the world won't change to suit you.. maybe i also won't change to suit u? just tat.. if u really got secrets to share among yourself.. i rather i dunno anything and heard anything.. you can have the gathering and leave it out.. if u all really got things to discuss about.. i shouldn't have rush there after work.. i had been really very tired after battling at work... and that is wat i get.. sigh~~~~
Does friendship really does?
Monday, March 19, 2007
cafe de mal..
erm.. i still couldn't believe that i will go sentosa twice in a week.. omg.. furthermore is consecutive two days.. Yesterday, i went to cafe de mal again but this time round, i went there to have dinner and drinks.. took vodka lime.. and took an idiot photo of myself.. hahaa.. after that photo, i considering of wearing contact lens or not.. hahaa.. guess nowadays i am getting more and more siao liao..
when i reached home, i upload that photo immediately.. which like my friend is saying i am crazy or hua zi.. hahaa.......
had a short chat with ex-jiefu.. i scolded him or so called i nagged him for not replying me that time when i am at hospital.. i told him i was at hospital.. he was like asking me wat happened.. why did i go hospital again.. hahaa.. let me recalled a sweet and short memory of wat happened few years back..
8 Aug 2002, the eve of national day.. i spend half a day in hospital.. tat day, i went to polyclinic to see doctor. Not a while later, the doctor called for an ambulance, there was the first time that i was being send to hospital by ambulance. At the point of moment, i am very weak. My blood pressure reached till a very low point that i can faint anytime. I need glucose to recover my energy.. When i reached A&E. I message jiefu and him.. jiefu was very stunned and asking me what had happened and he wanted to come down and visit me.. such a nice guy hor.. but now.. did a full checkup before i left hospital.. i was being hospitalize for a few hours.. Not really a lot of people knew that i admit hospital.. maybe a few them.. but 3 of them confirm know that i admit hospital.. hahaa.. i twist the story a bit but guess there is someone who knows the truth cos he was laughing all the way when i told him on the phone..
1st of march 2007, i went to hospital again.. this time round,i went there to see specialist. the feeling is different.. last time when i am there for a few hours, i was happily walking here and there till the doctor knows that i am scare of hospital.. He starts to scare me by telling me "You don't anyhow walk here and there.. later you see something.... " -_-'''' a bit cold right.. But tat point of moment i stepped into changi, my whole body is shivering.. is it bcos i lost my close friends.. they no longer be there for me? or ?? Before i leave hospital, i msg nanny.. haha.. but nanny reaction was wat i predicted ba.. maybe i am just looking for a feeling that i feels in the past ba..
i can't deny tat ex-jiefu really changed a lot.. last time usually is i said that to him.. now is he said to me.. a bit stunned.. or maybe all of us really had a complicated life.. just like wat he told me.. i will never know wat he is going on now.. but if u dun want to said.. i definitely dunno wat you going on now.. to me.. both of u are always like tat.. hear me sobbing, hear my sorrows and help me out.. yet i am always the one who couldn't help u guys out.. maybe i really like a baby girl.. no matter hw hard i tried, u guys are always the ones helping me..
i asked jiefu a question.. do u think i had forget about him.. wat the reply was like.. u dun need me to said out the answer right.. u should know it yourself better than i do.. haha.. starting to get puzzled.. did i really fall till tat deep.. now is already abt 2 years.. i still can't forget this person who once stepped into my life before? or just that i had a complicated life.. or just that pple around me keep remind me about him. i can't deny he is a nice guy.. while i also can't deny that i got a lot of guys friends also very nice or maybe even nicer than him... korkor asked me a question before.. or maybe i should re-phase this.. the first time korkor saw him.. he already told me.. dun fall in love with him.. he got no feelings for you.. and ended up.. i had a draggy friendship for 3 years and been dependent on him till a point that i don't know and slowly getting use to it.. korkor asked me.. he is nt the only one that treats you tat good leh.. erm.. maybe this is destiny ba but we dun have the fate.. i told jiefu.. i really regret tat i fall in love with him.. otherwise now we will still be very good friends.. but now he is still avoiding me.. starting to lose my courage.. seems like i hurt quite badly.. or now.. i am emotionally down again..
i can't deny that.. currently i am in a relationship.. where he gives me a lot of freedom.. and trust.. he will always wait for me to go back home and called me.. this is letting me more and more confused about my own feelings.. he or he.. which one is more important to me? or i dun want anything.. i just wants myself? or i just want to dependent on someone or ?? guess i need sometime to sort out my mind.. maybe he is not tat impt to me.. otherwise why can i still step into a relationship.. or maybe i am just lying that i still miss him..
or maybe i am drunk..........................
when i reached home, i upload that photo immediately.. which like my friend is saying i am crazy or hua zi.. hahaa.......
had a short chat with ex-jiefu.. i scolded him or so called i nagged him for not replying me that time when i am at hospital.. i told him i was at hospital.. he was like asking me wat happened.. why did i go hospital again.. hahaa.. let me recalled a sweet and short memory of wat happened few years back..
8 Aug 2002, the eve of national day.. i spend half a day in hospital.. tat day, i went to polyclinic to see doctor. Not a while later, the doctor called for an ambulance, there was the first time that i was being send to hospital by ambulance. At the point of moment, i am very weak. My blood pressure reached till a very low point that i can faint anytime. I need glucose to recover my energy.. When i reached A&E. I message jiefu and him.. jiefu was very stunned and asking me what had happened and he wanted to come down and visit me.. such a nice guy hor.. but now.. did a full checkup before i left hospital.. i was being hospitalize for a few hours.. Not really a lot of people knew that i admit hospital.. maybe a few them.. but 3 of them confirm know that i admit hospital.. hahaa.. i twist the story a bit but guess there is someone who knows the truth cos he was laughing all the way when i told him on the phone..
1st of march 2007, i went to hospital again.. this time round,i went there to see specialist. the feeling is different.. last time when i am there for a few hours, i was happily walking here and there till the doctor knows that i am scare of hospital.. He starts to scare me by telling me "You don't anyhow walk here and there.. later you see something.... " -_-'''' a bit cold right.. But tat point of moment i stepped into changi, my whole body is shivering.. is it bcos i lost my close friends.. they no longer be there for me? or ?? Before i leave hospital, i msg nanny.. haha.. but nanny reaction was wat i predicted ba.. maybe i am just looking for a feeling that i feels in the past ba..
i can't deny tat ex-jiefu really changed a lot.. last time usually is i said that to him.. now is he said to me.. a bit stunned.. or maybe all of us really had a complicated life.. just like wat he told me.. i will never know wat he is going on now.. but if u dun want to said.. i definitely dunno wat you going on now.. to me.. both of u are always like tat.. hear me sobbing, hear my sorrows and help me out.. yet i am always the one who couldn't help u guys out.. maybe i really like a baby girl.. no matter hw hard i tried, u guys are always the ones helping me..
i asked jiefu a question.. do u think i had forget about him.. wat the reply was like.. u dun need me to said out the answer right.. u should know it yourself better than i do.. haha.. starting to get puzzled.. did i really fall till tat deep.. now is already abt 2 years.. i still can't forget this person who once stepped into my life before? or just that i had a complicated life.. or just that pple around me keep remind me about him. i can't deny he is a nice guy.. while i also can't deny that i got a lot of guys friends also very nice or maybe even nicer than him... korkor asked me a question before.. or maybe i should re-phase this.. the first time korkor saw him.. he already told me.. dun fall in love with him.. he got no feelings for you.. and ended up.. i had a draggy friendship for 3 years and been dependent on him till a point that i don't know and slowly getting use to it.. korkor asked me.. he is nt the only one that treats you tat good leh.. erm.. maybe this is destiny ba but we dun have the fate.. i told jiefu.. i really regret tat i fall in love with him.. otherwise now we will still be very good friends.. but now he is still avoiding me.. starting to lose my courage.. seems like i hurt quite badly.. or now.. i am emotionally down again..
i can't deny that.. currently i am in a relationship.. where he gives me a lot of freedom.. and trust.. he will always wait for me to go back home and called me.. this is letting me more and more confused about my own feelings.. he or he.. which one is more important to me? or i dun want anything.. i just wants myself? or i just want to dependent on someone or ?? guess i need sometime to sort out my mind.. maybe he is not tat impt to me.. otherwise why can i still step into a relationship.. or maybe i am just lying that i still miss him..
or maybe i am drunk..........................
Sunday, March 18, 2007
my primary school pic..
hahaa.. still rememeber long long time ago.. this is where i am.. this is my primary school photo.. couldn't really believe that we will still meet up after so many years of not contacting.. i wanted to meet up with them.. but the problem is my work.. tend to take away most of my freedom.. especially when my boss is around.. furthermore, this month is the peak.. all issues must close at the end of this month.. while i got one change requirement needs to finished before 31th of march and promote to production.. omg.. can i finished it... hai~~~ have to work double hard..
tired..
Finally.. i make up my decision... decided to put everything aside and make a decision.. if it really happened, guess there won't be any holidays for me, no more drinking session, no more clubbing, no more chill out. must be a good girl everyday le..
Last Tuesday, i went to watch Music and Lyrics. Haha.. got a pair of tickets, yet i did not know who to ask to accompany me to watch the movie.. guess this is crazy..
Wednesday, i went to cafe de vine to have my lunch.. miss the spaghetti so much and i am craving for it. the standard is still ok and still taste delicious as it was. but sadly things are not the same as in the past.
After work, i went out with my colleagues to celebrate one of their birthday. Seems like sun with moon is a place where go often. Haha.. I like the food and atmosphere there. Furthermore, we were late cos we make a reservation at 7.30 but we left office at 7pm. While we go for shopping spree before we went for our dinner. In the end, there is only VIP rooms left. No choice, they had to give us the VIP rooms while quite of lot of pple are still outside queuing for seats. Luckily, we made a reservation a day ago. Tofu Cheesecake become a MUST for us. In the end, we had difficulties to finish up our dinner except one of colleagues finished up everything. Actually we suppose to meet up on friday but we cancelled it due to i am going to st james while another friend going to comfort one of my another colleague cos her father's passed away nt long ago...
hai~~ life is so short.. when he said he going to go.. he just leave u without telling.. :'(
haha.. i overslept in the bus and i struggled to walk back.. guess i am really damn tired..
thursday :
I went to Giant at Tampines with my parents. Wow.. so big.. haha..
Friday :
Yeah~~ i went to st james.. to bio ta bor.. hahaa..
Saturday :
I went JB for shopping spree.. hahaha.. after tat i went to vivo to meet my friends.. we actually wanted to go cafe de mal.. but ended one of them fly kite.. haha.. in the end, we still went cafe de mal.. i like the place.. guess i am really tired.. i almost fell asleep there.. In the end, we left there ard 3.. reached home ard 3 plus and i took a cab which costs more than 20 bucks to reach home.. *faint*.. broke liao lah..
omg.. next wk.. my boss come back le... guess i am going to have a tuff time again..shit..
Last Tuesday, i went to watch Music and Lyrics. Haha.. got a pair of tickets, yet i did not know who to ask to accompany me to watch the movie.. guess this is crazy..
Wednesday, i went to cafe de vine to have my lunch.. miss the spaghetti so much and i am craving for it. the standard is still ok and still taste delicious as it was. but sadly things are not the same as in the past.
After work, i went out with my colleagues to celebrate one of their birthday. Seems like sun with moon is a place where go often. Haha.. I like the food and atmosphere there. Furthermore, we were late cos we make a reservation at 7.30 but we left office at 7pm. While we go for shopping spree before we went for our dinner. In the end, there is only VIP rooms left. No choice, they had to give us the VIP rooms while quite of lot of pple are still outside queuing for seats. Luckily, we made a reservation a day ago. Tofu Cheesecake become a MUST for us. In the end, we had difficulties to finish up our dinner except one of colleagues finished up everything. Actually we suppose to meet up on friday but we cancelled it due to i am going to st james while another friend going to comfort one of my another colleague cos her father's passed away nt long ago...
hai~~ life is so short.. when he said he going to go.. he just leave u without telling.. :'(
haha.. i overslept in the bus and i struggled to walk back.. guess i am really damn tired..
thursday :
I went to Giant at Tampines with my parents. Wow.. so big.. haha..
Friday :
Yeah~~ i went to st james.. to bio ta bor.. hahaa..
Saturday :
I went JB for shopping spree.. hahaha.. after tat i went to vivo to meet my friends.. we actually wanted to go cafe de mal.. but ended one of them fly kite.. haha.. in the end, we still went cafe de mal.. i like the place.. guess i am really tired.. i almost fell asleep there.. In the end, we left there ard 3.. reached home ard 3 plus and i took a cab which costs more than 20 bucks to reach home.. *faint*.. broke liao lah..
omg.. next wk.. my boss come back le... guess i am going to have a tuff time again..shit..
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
music and lyrics
Way back into love (Music and Lyrics)
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
seriously.. i like this song a lot.. as usual.. my tears dropped down when i watching the movie.. guess i really works under emotions.. i had let my emotions control myself..
Thursday, March 08, 2007
relationship
today i went to changi hospital for a check up.. took abt more than 2 hrs or even more.. seriously.. is really painful.. i am trying very hard to bear with it.. till a point tat tears dropped down.. then the doctor asked me.. painful.. i said ya.. he said sorry.. hahaa.. such a sweet doctor sia... had a small crush on him.. wahahaa.. jia lat arh... :P
been disturbing nanny.. during the period.. when i realised that the guy sitting beside me got more than one hour plus of checkup.. i been always very timid.. very scare of hospital.. i can't step in there alone de.. wow.. but is really scary.. been shivering outside the waiting room... till the doctor called my name.. i was like.. "oh my god..." he brought to another room.. asked me lie down and dun move my head.. while he and the nurse discussing of something else.. my mind was like telling me.. is it referring to me.. i need to hospitalised.. omg.. but.. in a while later.. i realized they are not talking abt me.. he told me.. if within one year.. still not recover.. call back and make an appointment and do checkup again.. actually the nurse want to send me for audio checkup but ended up... the doctor said dun need.. just take extra care can le.. hahaa... :P
read my gd friend's blog just now.. realised that she is in love nw.. happy for her.. :) wow.. all my gd friends in love le.. then me leh..
as for me and my dear.. i also dunno.. been avoiding his calls nor sms ever since that monday breakdown.. seriously.. is really painful till i cried for the whole nite.. but.. i really dunno.. maybe i need someone to be at my side.. not someone tat faraway.. cos i got no security? or bcos i feel guilty... i dunno.. i feel very puzzled.. really envy my friends now.. all in love le.. even my colleagues also wor..
when will my prince charming coming.. i also want to dependent on someone.. i feel really tired to walk alone le... or maybe i really very weak.. always need someone to support me.. hahaa.. :P
been disturbing nanny.. during the period.. when i realised that the guy sitting beside me got more than one hour plus of checkup.. i been always very timid.. very scare of hospital.. i can't step in there alone de.. wow.. but is really scary.. been shivering outside the waiting room... till the doctor called my name.. i was like.. "oh my god..." he brought to another room.. asked me lie down and dun move my head.. while he and the nurse discussing of something else.. my mind was like telling me.. is it referring to me.. i need to hospitalised.. omg.. but.. in a while later.. i realized they are not talking abt me.. he told me.. if within one year.. still not recover.. call back and make an appointment and do checkup again.. actually the nurse want to send me for audio checkup but ended up... the doctor said dun need.. just take extra care can le.. hahaa... :P
read my gd friend's blog just now.. realised that she is in love nw.. happy for her.. :) wow.. all my gd friends in love le.. then me leh..
as for me and my dear.. i also dunno.. been avoiding his calls nor sms ever since that monday breakdown.. seriously.. is really painful till i cried for the whole nite.. but.. i really dunno.. maybe i need someone to be at my side.. not someone tat faraway.. cos i got no security? or bcos i feel guilty... i dunno.. i feel very puzzled.. really envy my friends now.. all in love le.. even my colleagues also wor..
when will my prince charming coming.. i also want to dependent on someone.. i feel really tired to walk alone le... or maybe i really very weak.. always need someone to support me.. hahaa.. :P
Monday, March 05, 2007
Tinnitus
The Ringing and Buzzing of Tinnitus.
Ear Rings
WebMD Answers to Questions
Question: Can you advise me on how to quiet the constant ringing and buzzing in my ears?
Answer:
Tinnitus -- "ringing in the ears" -- affects an estimated 35 million Americans. But tinnitus isn't just a ringing, it can also be heard as a buzzing, roaring, hissing, clicking, high-pitched whining, low-pitched hum, even a heart-like pulsing.
Tinnitus is actually a symptom of some common medical problems, such as:
* ear infection
* wax impaction
* noise exposure (like rock concerts)
* TMJ (temporomandibular joint) disorders
* even a side effect of medications such as aspirin, ibuprofen, caffeine, or birth control pills
Tinnitus may also be a symptom of more serious illnesses such as high blood pressure, anxiety/depression, diabetes, thyroid disorders, Ménière's disease, blood vessel disorders, or tumors.
There are two types of tinnitus:
* subjective tinnitus, when the sounds a sufferer hears may be perceived as very loud and only heard by them
* objective tinnitus, a less common condition when the sounds can be heard by the sufferer and a medical provider using a stethoscope
Finding a cause for tinnitus can be simple or require extensive diagnostic tests. In many cases, a cause is never found -- a frustrating fact for many tinnitus sufferers and their medical providers.
If a cause is determined, then treatment can be quite focused. For example, if a tinnitus sufferer is taking aspirin and is found to have high blood pressure, the aspirin is stopped and medications are given to control the blood pressure.
Even if a specific cause is never found, there is still hope for successful treatment. A combination of therapies over time usually offer the best hope.
* Biofeedback, relaxation training, counseling, and individualized psychotherapy helps manage stress and helps you change your body's reaction to the tinnitus. Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT) combines counseling with special background sounds designed to help people suppress the sounds of their tinnitus.
* Antianxiety medications, such as Valium or Xanax, as well as a wide range of antidepressant medications, are very helpful for tinnitus sufferers. Other medications, such as diuretics (water pills), muscle relaxants, anticonvulsants medications, and antihistamines, are also used.
* Special hearing aids, electronic masking devices, or both, are often used when other methods have failed to achieve control. Cochlear implants and cochlear stimulation devices are being investigated for severe, intractable tinnitus cases. Surgical injections of lidocaine directly into the inner ear are also being used in some cases.
* Alternative treatments such as hypnosis, acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, vitamin/mineral supplements, and herbal remedies may have some promise, but there is little, if any, meaningful research as to their effectiveness. Ginkgo biloba -- which is being studied to determine its effectiveness for tinnitus -- is said to improve blood flow and nerve function. Use ginkgo biloba with caution if you have a bleeding disorder or take blood thinners. Explore alternative options carefully, with the cooperation of your medical providers.
Certain lifestyle changes are very important for those that have tinnitus.
* Caffeine is one of the most common tinnitus aggravators and should be very limited. Coffee, teas, caffeinated colas, and chocolate all contain significant amounts of caffeine capable of constricting blood flow to the ear.
* Nicotine also constricts blood flow and can aggravate tinnitus, so efforts should be made to stop all tobacco use.
* Aspirin, especially higher doses, can cause or make tinnitus worse. Switch to acetaminophen products.
* A low-salt diet is also recommended by many medical providers, so hide that saltshaker and watch the sodium content of foods you eat.
Take an active role in your care, keeping up with the latest research. You may even have to educate your doctor on various treatments. Quieting the ringing will require a lifelong commitment to lifestyle changes, cooperative medical care, and most importantly, a positive and optimistic attitude.
Tinnitus prevention can include obvious things such as limiting exposure to loud noises, but vitamins and exercise may help, too. Exercising regularly may help by improving blood flow to ear structures, while B-12 can help the body make the material that protects the inner ear's nerves. Good B-12 sources include dairy products, meat, and eggs.
Almost everyone experiences an occasional ringing (or roaring, hissing, buzzing, or tinkling) in their ears; most tinnitus that comes and goes requires no medical treatment. But if your tinnitus is accompanied by other symptoms, becomes persistent, or starts to localize to one ear, visit a health professional.
Ear Rings
WebMD Answers to Questions
Question: Can you advise me on how to quiet the constant ringing and buzzing in my ears?
Answer:
Tinnitus -- "ringing in the ears" -- affects an estimated 35 million Americans. But tinnitus isn't just a ringing, it can also be heard as a buzzing, roaring, hissing, clicking, high-pitched whining, low-pitched hum, even a heart-like pulsing.
Tinnitus is actually a symptom of some common medical problems, such as:
* ear infection
* wax impaction
* noise exposure (like rock concerts)
* TMJ (temporomandibular joint) disorders
* even a side effect of medications such as aspirin, ibuprofen, caffeine, or birth control pills
Tinnitus may also be a symptom of more serious illnesses such as high blood pressure, anxiety/depression, diabetes, thyroid disorders, Ménière's disease, blood vessel disorders, or tumors.
There are two types of tinnitus:
* subjective tinnitus, when the sounds a sufferer hears may be perceived as very loud and only heard by them
* objective tinnitus, a less common condition when the sounds can be heard by the sufferer and a medical provider using a stethoscope
Finding a cause for tinnitus can be simple or require extensive diagnostic tests. In many cases, a cause is never found -- a frustrating fact for many tinnitus sufferers and their medical providers.
If a cause is determined, then treatment can be quite focused. For example, if a tinnitus sufferer is taking aspirin and is found to have high blood pressure, the aspirin is stopped and medications are given to control the blood pressure.
Even if a specific cause is never found, there is still hope for successful treatment. A combination of therapies over time usually offer the best hope.
* Biofeedback, relaxation training, counseling, and individualized psychotherapy helps manage stress and helps you change your body's reaction to the tinnitus. Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT) combines counseling with special background sounds designed to help people suppress the sounds of their tinnitus.
* Antianxiety medications, such as Valium or Xanax, as well as a wide range of antidepressant medications, are very helpful for tinnitus sufferers. Other medications, such as diuretics (water pills), muscle relaxants, anticonvulsants medications, and antihistamines, are also used.
* Special hearing aids, electronic masking devices, or both, are often used when other methods have failed to achieve control. Cochlear implants and cochlear stimulation devices are being investigated for severe, intractable tinnitus cases. Surgical injections of lidocaine directly into the inner ear are also being used in some cases.
* Alternative treatments such as hypnosis, acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, vitamin/mineral supplements, and herbal remedies may have some promise, but there is little, if any, meaningful research as to their effectiveness. Ginkgo biloba -- which is being studied to determine its effectiveness for tinnitus -- is said to improve blood flow and nerve function. Use ginkgo biloba with caution if you have a bleeding disorder or take blood thinners. Explore alternative options carefully, with the cooperation of your medical providers.
Certain lifestyle changes are very important for those that have tinnitus.
* Caffeine is one of the most common tinnitus aggravators and should be very limited. Coffee, teas, caffeinated colas, and chocolate all contain significant amounts of caffeine capable of constricting blood flow to the ear.
* Nicotine also constricts blood flow and can aggravate tinnitus, so efforts should be made to stop all tobacco use.
* Aspirin, especially higher doses, can cause or make tinnitus worse. Switch to acetaminophen products.
* A low-salt diet is also recommended by many medical providers, so hide that saltshaker and watch the sodium content of foods you eat.
Take an active role in your care, keeping up with the latest research. You may even have to educate your doctor on various treatments. Quieting the ringing will require a lifelong commitment to lifestyle changes, cooperative medical care, and most importantly, a positive and optimistic attitude.
Tinnitus prevention can include obvious things such as limiting exposure to loud noises, but vitamins and exercise may help, too. Exercising regularly may help by improving blood flow to ear structures, while B-12 can help the body make the material that protects the inner ear's nerves. Good B-12 sources include dairy products, meat, and eggs.
Almost everyone experiences an occasional ringing (or roaring, hissing, buzzing, or tinkling) in their ears; most tinnitus that comes and goes requires no medical treatment. But if your tinnitus is accompanied by other symptoms, becomes persistent, or starts to localize to one ear, visit a health professional.
specialist...
erm.... last thursday.. till a point that i can't take it anymore.. took a few hours off, went back home to see doctor.. took a medicine and knock out.. wake up ard 9 plus to run my job till late nite again~~ seems like these few nites, i had been doing tat..
the doctor refer to changi hospital to see specialist... i... hai~~ feel a bit.. up and down ba.. the clinic assistant actually the appointment should be ard april but she called me up ytd morning.. woke me up ard 10 plus.. i had made an appointment for you on this coming thursday at 11am. -_-'''' is my situation getting worst? or i getting infection.. mum asked me to go GP, don't go to see specialist but i had been seeing so many times of doctor tat it doesn't work.. i feel really sian.. and frustrated... hai~~
just the starting of the year, this kind of stuff happening on me..
last friday just kana niao by my boss.. super sian~~ feel like quitting.. i.... hai~~~
or i need a rest again.. feel so sickening to work under her.. my colleagues told me that we going to change boss.. i sort of pity her.. but i guess it will never happened.. cos i think my director quite biased. she is the one controlling it, if she said dun want to change, who will go against her? i wondering can i tahan bcos of the seek of the money tat i can get after my contract? but i guess i can't tahan..
From now till 14 nov, it is still a long long long long way to go..
wondering tml, i am going to tell my big boss that i need to apply leave to see specialist.. will he .... me.. or unhappy.. but the problem is... if i dun get it recover asap, i might suffer infection.. and it might cause me to be deaf.. i will never be able to hear beautiful music, no more KTV, no more movies... guess by then, i will be super depress... dun even want to talk to anyone..
i had been ignoring dear for about wk.. and he had been complaining.. i.. i feel guilty..
the doctor refer to changi hospital to see specialist... i... hai~~ feel a bit.. up and down ba.. the clinic assistant actually the appointment should be ard april but she called me up ytd morning.. woke me up ard 10 plus.. i had made an appointment for you on this coming thursday at 11am. -_-'''' is my situation getting worst? or i getting infection.. mum asked me to go GP, don't go to see specialist but i had been seeing so many times of doctor tat it doesn't work.. i feel really sian.. and frustrated... hai~~
just the starting of the year, this kind of stuff happening on me..
last friday just kana niao by my boss.. super sian~~ feel like quitting.. i.... hai~~~
or i need a rest again.. feel so sickening to work under her.. my colleagues told me that we going to change boss.. i sort of pity her.. but i guess it will never happened.. cos i think my director quite biased. she is the one controlling it, if she said dun want to change, who will go against her? i wondering can i tahan bcos of the seek of the money tat i can get after my contract? but i guess i can't tahan..
From now till 14 nov, it is still a long long long long way to go..
wondering tml, i am going to tell my big boss that i need to apply leave to see specialist.. will he .... me.. or unhappy.. but the problem is... if i dun get it recover asap, i might suffer infection.. and it might cause me to be deaf.. i will never be able to hear beautiful music, no more KTV, no more movies... guess by then, i will be super depress... dun even want to talk to anyone..
i had been ignoring dear for about wk.. and he had been complaining.. i.. i feel guilty..
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Bird Flu
hai~~~~ down by bird flu ... !@#@@##%#%%#$^#@#%!!@@!@$$@$%^!@Q#%
no leave in march.. leave freeze..
!!@#@$$!$%#@%@#@@!##%$^^@##!!@##
but ok lah. sort of running away of not joining my friend to go holiday.. .
while another grp planning to go taiwan.. wahahaa.. would i be able to go with them in august.. i quite keen of tat sia.... :P
or end of the year back to aus again..
no leave in march.. leave freeze..
!!@#@$$!$%#@%@#@@!##%$^^@##!!@##
but ok lah. sort of running away of not joining my friend to go holiday.. .
while another grp planning to go taiwan.. wahahaa.. would i be able to go with them in august.. i quite keen of tat sia.... :P
or end of the year back to aus again..
Monday, February 26, 2007
m00d swing
ytd tossed here and there till 4 plus.. didn't really get enuff sleep for the past few days.. hai~~~
friday, i was in office till 1am doing my stupid refresh. scared that it will affect other jobs, therefore i choose to monitor it before i go to watch movie. hai~~ luckily my colleague accompany me and we went to watch norbit. it is considered nt bad.. trying to laugh as hard as possible.. hoping tat i really can laugh from the bottom of my heart.. guess pig year wasn't a good start for me.. before i alight from the taxi, i knocked my head against the handle. argh!!!!! extremely painful, but trying to crack joke that i will struck 4d on sat.. lame... ard 4am plus, my colleague took a midnite bus home.. while i am standing alone in orchard trying to wait for my bus come.. of cos i can't stand the loneliness being alone at orchard rd alone.. i called dear.. haha.. :P i blame him.. why can't he be in sg for me.. or is it bcos pple who landed in long distance relationship ended like me? or i too dependent on other pple? or can our relationship? or should i said we had never start before? or ?? he accompany me throughout the journey back home.. he read my blog and knew the news abt my ear but i avoid talking abt it.. or i dun want to face it myself?
sat.. i slept till 1 plus.. ard 4 plus got to work at home.. and went out with mummy.. cos she want to eat yu sheng.. i went to bought salmon sashimi... hahaa.. but.. they dun dare to eat.. i ate the whole plate of sashimi... ard 8 plus, i went down to vivocity to meet up my cousin and her friends.. i did not went back to clinic to do a further checkup... haha.. guess i am really running away from reality.. ard 10 plus, i went in to st james.. haha.. a different experience that i got.. tat day i dressed differently.. wear a pair of heels there.. guess i siao liao? drank a bit.. but heart feel damn painful.. dunno why.. hai~~ actually wanted to meet up with nanny.. to su ku.. but guess he busy.. rejected me for supper.. i left st james ard 3 plus and took cab hm..
sun.. i was at home sleeping.. but i woke up earilier than i expected.. i knocked out after i reached home and i slept over at the sofa.. morning than wake up to pom pom.. am i drunk? hahaa.. guess i start to like this place.. i still tot of going this sat.. asking esterling they all to go.. but guess they are nt free ba.. so in the end, i never msg..
my gd friend msn me.. asking whether i want to join her and her new bf and gary to bali.. hahaha.. suprisely, i rejected it.. i dunno why.. i feel we started to have gap.. or bcos my mind is whirling and not clear of things again..
had a short chat with my another gd friend on msn.. he asked me why so late i still haven sleep.. stress over wat.. i... actually wanted to tell him.. but... guess is too late.. my computer is playing a fool with me.. got dc..
[
had a chat with my netfriend too.. haha.. he said.. u are the one who choose whether happy or unhappy.. guess in the end, i choose unhappy..
or maybe bcos of my ear.. i feel a bit frustrated.. and unhappy..
friday, i was in office till 1am doing my stupid refresh. scared that it will affect other jobs, therefore i choose to monitor it before i go to watch movie. hai~~ luckily my colleague accompany me and we went to watch norbit. it is considered nt bad.. trying to laugh as hard as possible.. hoping tat i really can laugh from the bottom of my heart.. guess pig year wasn't a good start for me.. before i alight from the taxi, i knocked my head against the handle. argh!!!!! extremely painful, but trying to crack joke that i will struck 4d on sat.. lame... ard 4am plus, my colleague took a midnite bus home.. while i am standing alone in orchard trying to wait for my bus come.. of cos i can't stand the loneliness being alone at orchard rd alone.. i called dear.. haha.. :P i blame him.. why can't he be in sg for me.. or is it bcos pple who landed in long distance relationship ended like me? or i too dependent on other pple? or can our relationship? or should i said we had never start before? or ?? he accompany me throughout the journey back home.. he read my blog and knew the news abt my ear but i avoid talking abt it.. or i dun want to face it myself?
sat.. i slept till 1 plus.. ard 4 plus got to work at home.. and went out with mummy.. cos she want to eat yu sheng.. i went to bought salmon sashimi... hahaa.. but.. they dun dare to eat.. i ate the whole plate of sashimi... ard 8 plus, i went down to vivocity to meet up my cousin and her friends.. i did not went back to clinic to do a further checkup... haha.. guess i am really running away from reality.. ard 10 plus, i went in to st james.. haha.. a different experience that i got.. tat day i dressed differently.. wear a pair of heels there.. guess i siao liao? drank a bit.. but heart feel damn painful.. dunno why.. hai~~ actually wanted to meet up with nanny.. to su ku.. but guess he busy.. rejected me for supper.. i left st james ard 3 plus and took cab hm..
sun.. i was at home sleeping.. but i woke up earilier than i expected.. i knocked out after i reached home and i slept over at the sofa.. morning than wake up to pom pom.. am i drunk? hahaa.. guess i start to like this place.. i still tot of going this sat.. asking esterling they all to go.. but guess they are nt free ba.. so in the end, i never msg..
my gd friend msn me.. asking whether i want to join her and her new bf and gary to bali.. hahaha.. suprisely, i rejected it.. i dunno why.. i feel we started to have gap.. or bcos my mind is whirling and not clear of things again..
had a short chat with my another gd friend on msn.. he asked me why so late i still haven sleep.. stress over wat.. i... actually wanted to tell him.. but... guess is too late.. my computer is playing a fool with me.. got dc..
[
had a chat with my netfriend too.. haha.. he said.. u are the one who choose whether happy or unhappy.. guess in the end, i choose unhappy..
or maybe bcos of my ear.. i feel a bit frustrated.. and unhappy..
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Seriously.. these two years plus.. i lead a simple life.. either go out with friends or stay at home.. nothing much.. getting more and more sian of life.. dunno where to go.. head to where.. did some bad habits for social life.. of cos maybe nobody will know wat i did.. except a few pple.. or maybe none..
After cny, i grow one year old older.. tends to look back at things again.. am i too foolish or am i too silly or am i too gullible or it is all the same.. seriously when u tend to grow older, u will tends to lose more things..
my cousin told me.. had a bf.. he will always be there for you, no matter u are happy or upset or when u are down.. quite true.. even when u are down.. u dun even know who to go.. or i tends to act too strong in front of others..
had a chat with a net friend ytd, told him abt relationship.. he does agree, if i never know the reason, i will never had a chance to forget abt him. whether is it the truth or not.. guess i shouldn't think of it anymore.. still remember there is once my buddy ask me a question.. will you feel jealous that seeing your gd friends all in love le.. the answer i told him was 'No', guess can i change my answer.. i did feel sad.. heart still like bleeding non-stop.. bcos i lose my own happiness le..
now i understand wat louis means.. if we break up, we will never be friends again. bcos we fell in love once. or i never love u as much as u love me.. tat's y i dun feel painful to be friends with you? or ??
korkor.. u always tell me.. end things with a beautiful dot to make the story full with memories.. u keep asking me.. things had already past for so long.. why can't u just forget it and move on with your life?
tian tian.. i get to know u nt very long yet i had been dependent u for a period of time.. guess tat was period when i having exams.. u gave me the support and asked me to forget him..
nanny.. haha.. knew u when i am still working at cartel.. so fast, it had been years that i met you.. almost every year u celebrate my birthday with me.. saw u tat day when i drunk.. when hm to vomit out everything.. it was one day after my cousin pass away.. tat day i went drinking with an empty stomach, after drinking.. ate like a pig.. and went back hm vomitting out everything. guess it was ard 4 plus in th morning.. last yr cny eve, i met u out for movie after the reniuon dinner.. i remember i throw my tantrum on you.. it was the day when i know that, it was the last cny tat my grandpa will be celebrating with us. in the end, it was the truth.. he left us in march.. i cried after the funeral and in the office.. i guess i was in the state of devastated. never knew wat is the exact pain when u lose a kin.. till tat point of moment then i finally understand wat was the pain like..
if i am not wrong, a mth later.. my friends jio me to go ms to eat cake.. after first i wasn't keen of going at all.. in the end, kana scolding and persuading, i went down to ms to find them. ended up in mos.. but the next day, i need to work even though is a public holiday.. my friends said i looks much more better than when they saw me at mac.. guess eyes wasn't tat red and tears no longer rolling down..
why i had those kind of behavior.. guess is due to regrets? never really cherish it only till when is gone.. i always said.. cherish the things in front of you, dun wait until they are gone then you regret.. seems i like i had never leart my lesson and kept making the same mistakes again and again. i dun wish to turn dependent to love. i dun want to kept the pain again and again.. the pain is like sharpen knife kept stabbing on me once in the blue moon.
during these one month plus, i was having earing problems. consult doctor and even took mc. things doesn't seems to be on the brighter side.. from one ear to two ears... never really show it out.. just briefly told my colleagues cos i was on mc.. they agreed tat my situation got worst.. cos sometimes i can barely hear wat are talking abt.. therefore nwadays i always pluck earphones in my ear.. rather than hearing things and start my imagination going round and round again.. ever tot of stepping in polyclinic today, but maybe of phobia of going to hospital and do the check up and etc... went back to the same private clinic which i went last week.. different doctor on shift today, he asked me to go back checkup aft three days later. removal of the ear wax, it might be the reason of why i had been hearing tinkling or buzzing sound. which sometimes it makes me feel like fainting or suddenly blackout for a while.. last thur, i went to chinatown.. when i am trying clothes, my ear suddenly blackout.. almost faint over.. faster go buy medicated oil.. or maybe i haven had my dinner yet.. did feel a bit unwell but did shopping before i headed home.. he said if i dun cure it faster, it might had infection and i might loss my earing.. of cos nowadays keep thinking of wat if i bcome deaf, how would my life turns out to be? maybe i think too much le.. it might nt be tat serious.. read an article online, the best scenario after removal of the ear wax, my ears will be back normal.. but seems it had been persistent for more than one month.. it might have a bit of infection cos i did feel the pain when i pluck a cotton wool inside.. the worst scenario will be cancer.. but the percentage for this is certainly very low.. haha.. let me prepare for the worst, just tat had to go thru a lot of rounds of testing, needles in front of me .. haha.. i won't be tat unlucky till tat extreme ba?
**taken from a website.. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003043.htm
Alternative names
Ringing in the ears; Tinnitus; Noises or buzzing in the ears
Definition
Tinnitus is the medical term for "hearing" noises in your ears when there is no outside source of the sounds. The noises you hear can be soft or loud. They may sound like ringing, blowing, roaring, buzzing, hissing, humming, whistling, or sizzling. You may even think you are hearing air escaping, water running, the inside of a seashell, or musical notes.
Considerations
Tinnitus is common. Almost everyone experiences a mild form of tinnitus once in awhile that only lasts a few minutes. However, constant or recurring tinnitus is stressful and can interfere with your ability to concentrate or sleep.
Common Causes
It is not known exactly what causes a person to "hear" sounds with no outside source of the noise. However, tinnitus can be a symptom of almost any ear problem, including ear infections, foreign objects or wax in the ear, and injury from loud noises. Alcohol, caffeine, antibiotics, aspirin, or other drugs can also cause ear noises.
Tinnitus may occur with hearing loss. Occasionally, it is a sign of high blood pressure, an allergy, or anemia. Rarely, tinnitus is a sign of a serious problem like a tumor or aneurysm.
Home Care
* Tinnitus can be masked by competing sounds, such as low-level music, ticking clocks, or other noises. Tinnitus is often more noticeable when you go to bed at night because your surroundings are quieter. Any noise in the room, like a humidifier, white noise machine, or dishwasher, can help mask tinnitus and make it less irritating.
* Learn ways to relax. Feeling stressed or anxious can worsen tinnitus.
* Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and smoking.
* Get enough rest. Try sleeping with your head propped up in an elevated position. This lessens head congestion and noises may become less noticeable.
Call your health care provider if Return to top
Call your doctor if:
* Ear noises start after a head injury.
* The noises are associated with other unexplained symptoms like dizziness, feeling off balance, nausea, or vomiting.
* You have unexplained ear noises that bother you even after self-help measures.
What to expect at your health care provider's office Return to top
The health care provider will perform a physical examination, including a detailed ear examination. The provider ask questions such as:
* What does the sound resemble?
* Is the sound throbbing or rhythmic?
* Is it in one or both ears?
* What other symptoms are also present?
The following diagnostic tests may be performed:
* Audiology/audiometry to test hearing loss
* Head CT scan
* Head MRI scan
* Blood vessel studies (angiography)
* X-rays of the head
TREATMENT
Usually, there is no known cure for tinnitus. If the underlying cause is determined, then fixing that problem may take away your tinnitus (for example, removal of ear wax). Otherwise, measures to help you lessen or live with the noises are taken.
A tinnitus masker, a device worn like a hearing aid, may help. This works by producing low-level sound directly into the ear to cover or disguise the ear noise so that it is less bothersome. A hearing aid may help lessen ear noise and amplify outside sounds.
Medications such as anti-arrhythmics (usually used for irregular heart rhythms), antidepressants, vasodilators, tranquilizers, and anticonvulsants may help. Antihistamines (e.g., meclizine) are also often effective.
Sometimes, counseling may help you learn to tolerate tinnitus. When appropriate, you may be encouraged to consider biofeedback training. This is a method that helps you learn to control body functions by monitoring specific responses (such as tightness of a muscle group) and altering this response through relaxation.
The American Tinnitus Association is a good resource center and support group.
Prevention
Wear ear protection in any situations where ear damage is possible (such as loud concerts or jackhammers). If you have hearing loss, avoid further damage to your hearing by avoiding excessive noise.
Make sure your blood pressure is normal by maintaining proper body weight, exercising regularly, and seeing your doctor for yearly check ups.
References
Heller AJ. Classification and epidemiology of tinnitus. Otolaryngol Clin North Am. 2003; 36(2): 239-248.
Sismanis A. Tinnitus. Advances in evaluation and management. Otolaryngol Clin North Am. 2003; 36(2): xi-xii.
Update Date: 4/11/2005
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haha.. this news was updated in 2005.. guess it shouldn't be tat bad.. after three days later, i should be able to know wat will happened.. and wat is my new direction of life..
at most the worst scenario happened.. just cried.. and cried.. guess after tat i will be ok.. since it is nt the first time i met cancer.. ah gong and korkor lose their life bcos the lost the battle with it.. but touchwood.. hopefully this will nt happened to me ba.. i still so young.. still got so many places i haven went to and haven see finish the world.. i haven find a bf to sayang me.. take care of me.. accompany me thru my ups and downs..
kekee.. wat abt the best scenario happened.. i will stay at hm and relax or go out chill with my friends... at least i dun need to tolerate the buzzing sound anymore and i gain back my freedom.. at least my mind won't be imagine things again.. faster get a bf to sayang me and be with me.. hahaahaa.. :P
then go for job interviews and look for better opportunity. maybe end of the year go aus with my cousin.. haha.. escape from sg again.. go there stay for a period of time, if possible.. learn their culture.. find a new goal in life.. and learn to cherish things..
if i am in a dream land, i would like to restart my life .. move to a new piece of land.. build everythings by myself.. learn to be more independent.. lead a much more happier life.. start to learn things again..
jiejie.. there is once u sms me whether am i angry tat i did not get vodka vanilla.. jiejie.. i am nt angry at all.. during these period of times, i learnt tat things don't always like wat i think in my fairyland, it always turned out different. i wished that both u and jil had found your own happiness.. jil, jiejie and k.. u all gave me a beautiful memories of my poly life.. haha.. guess is time for me to grow up and start to think hw to should i lead my life.. jil, i always complain tat you change.. u will always said.. i never changed at all.. maybe is the feeling i had, had changed.. u no longer tat close with me.. no longer like my jiefu. .which will be there for me.. hearing me crying at nite le.. is i the one who keeps thinking things will be the same but i know that things will never be the same again..
just like a few years back, korkor always bought me cakes and celebrate my birthday with me at void decks.. even though sometimes we are in cold war.. tat period of times is my happiest time.. cos korkor.. u gave me a very sweet moments.. u always said i also treat u very gd arh.. why u kept thinking k is the one who treats u gd.. and still got so many pple ard u treats u equally gd arh.. why u want to keep holding on to a past tat the fruits will never ripe. korkor.. i really enjoyed the moments when we will just eating cakes and i always pour out my sorrows to you.. and u always said i like to cried.. as times passes.. i tried nt to cried in front of you.. and u had realised tat i seldom talk out le.. is it bcos we had changed already? or just like k.. u will be leaving me soon..
u always said i zhong se qin you.. hahaa.. but u and k will always be inside of me.. which gaves me a lot memories.. the two guys who pamper and take care of me.. who always scold me also..
hahahaa.. as for nanny.. byebye... can't always dependent on you tat often.. if i didn't know that u gt a gf.. i will never know that i had been depending on you.. u should have pursue for your happiness.. while let me this dependent girl.. find a way out of herself.. maybe no movies to watch.. always lazing at hm.. guess is time for me to get use to it..
After cny, i grow one year old older.. tends to look back at things again.. am i too foolish or am i too silly or am i too gullible or it is all the same.. seriously when u tend to grow older, u will tends to lose more things..
my cousin told me.. had a bf.. he will always be there for you, no matter u are happy or upset or when u are down.. quite true.. even when u are down.. u dun even know who to go.. or i tends to act too strong in front of others..
had a chat with a net friend ytd, told him abt relationship.. he does agree, if i never know the reason, i will never had a chance to forget abt him. whether is it the truth or not.. guess i shouldn't think of it anymore.. still remember there is once my buddy ask me a question.. will you feel jealous that seeing your gd friends all in love le.. the answer i told him was 'No', guess can i change my answer.. i did feel sad.. heart still like bleeding non-stop.. bcos i lose my own happiness le..
now i understand wat louis means.. if we break up, we will never be friends again. bcos we fell in love once. or i never love u as much as u love me.. tat's y i dun feel painful to be friends with you? or ??
korkor.. u always tell me.. end things with a beautiful dot to make the story full with memories.. u keep asking me.. things had already past for so long.. why can't u just forget it and move on with your life?
tian tian.. i get to know u nt very long yet i had been dependent u for a period of time.. guess tat was period when i having exams.. u gave me the support and asked me to forget him..
nanny.. haha.. knew u when i am still working at cartel.. so fast, it had been years that i met you.. almost every year u celebrate my birthday with me.. saw u tat day when i drunk.. when hm to vomit out everything.. it was one day after my cousin pass away.. tat day i went drinking with an empty stomach, after drinking.. ate like a pig.. and went back hm vomitting out everything. guess it was ard 4 plus in th morning.. last yr cny eve, i met u out for movie after the reniuon dinner.. i remember i throw my tantrum on you.. it was the day when i know that, it was the last cny tat my grandpa will be celebrating with us. in the end, it was the truth.. he left us in march.. i cried after the funeral and in the office.. i guess i was in the state of devastated. never knew wat is the exact pain when u lose a kin.. till tat point of moment then i finally understand wat was the pain like..
if i am not wrong, a mth later.. my friends jio me to go ms to eat cake.. after first i wasn't keen of going at all.. in the end, kana scolding and persuading, i went down to ms to find them. ended up in mos.. but the next day, i need to work even though is a public holiday.. my friends said i looks much more better than when they saw me at mac.. guess eyes wasn't tat red and tears no longer rolling down..
why i had those kind of behavior.. guess is due to regrets? never really cherish it only till when is gone.. i always said.. cherish the things in front of you, dun wait until they are gone then you regret.. seems i like i had never leart my lesson and kept making the same mistakes again and again. i dun wish to turn dependent to love. i dun want to kept the pain again and again.. the pain is like sharpen knife kept stabbing on me once in the blue moon.
during these one month plus, i was having earing problems. consult doctor and even took mc. things doesn't seems to be on the brighter side.. from one ear to two ears... never really show it out.. just briefly told my colleagues cos i was on mc.. they agreed tat my situation got worst.. cos sometimes i can barely hear wat are talking abt.. therefore nwadays i always pluck earphones in my ear.. rather than hearing things and start my imagination going round and round again.. ever tot of stepping in polyclinic today, but maybe of phobia of going to hospital and do the check up and etc... went back to the same private clinic which i went last week.. different doctor on shift today, he asked me to go back checkup aft three days later. removal of the ear wax, it might be the reason of why i had been hearing tinkling or buzzing sound. which sometimes it makes me feel like fainting or suddenly blackout for a while.. last thur, i went to chinatown.. when i am trying clothes, my ear suddenly blackout.. almost faint over.. faster go buy medicated oil.. or maybe i haven had my dinner yet.. did feel a bit unwell but did shopping before i headed home.. he said if i dun cure it faster, it might had infection and i might loss my earing.. of cos nowadays keep thinking of wat if i bcome deaf, how would my life turns out to be? maybe i think too much le.. it might nt be tat serious.. read an article online, the best scenario after removal of the ear wax, my ears will be back normal.. but seems it had been persistent for more than one month.. it might have a bit of infection cos i did feel the pain when i pluck a cotton wool inside.. the worst scenario will be cancer.. but the percentage for this is certainly very low.. haha.. let me prepare for the worst, just tat had to go thru a lot of rounds of testing, needles in front of me .. haha.. i won't be tat unlucky till tat extreme ba?
**taken from a website.. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003043.htm
Alternative names
Ringing in the ears; Tinnitus; Noises or buzzing in the ears
Definition
Tinnitus is the medical term for "hearing" noises in your ears when there is no outside source of the sounds. The noises you hear can be soft or loud. They may sound like ringing, blowing, roaring, buzzing, hissing, humming, whistling, or sizzling. You may even think you are hearing air escaping, water running, the inside of a seashell, or musical notes.
Considerations
Tinnitus is common. Almost everyone experiences a mild form of tinnitus once in awhile that only lasts a few minutes. However, constant or recurring tinnitus is stressful and can interfere with your ability to concentrate or sleep.
Common Causes
It is not known exactly what causes a person to "hear" sounds with no outside source of the noise. However, tinnitus can be a symptom of almost any ear problem, including ear infections, foreign objects or wax in the ear, and injury from loud noises. Alcohol, caffeine, antibiotics, aspirin, or other drugs can also cause ear noises.
Tinnitus may occur with hearing loss. Occasionally, it is a sign of high blood pressure, an allergy, or anemia. Rarely, tinnitus is a sign of a serious problem like a tumor or aneurysm.
Home Care
* Tinnitus can be masked by competing sounds, such as low-level music, ticking clocks, or other noises. Tinnitus is often more noticeable when you go to bed at night because your surroundings are quieter. Any noise in the room, like a humidifier, white noise machine, or dishwasher, can help mask tinnitus and make it less irritating.
* Learn ways to relax. Feeling stressed or anxious can worsen tinnitus.
* Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and smoking.
* Get enough rest. Try sleeping with your head propped up in an elevated position. This lessens head congestion and noises may become less noticeable.
Call your health care provider if Return to top
Call your doctor if:
* Ear noises start after a head injury.
* The noises are associated with other unexplained symptoms like dizziness, feeling off balance, nausea, or vomiting.
* You have unexplained ear noises that bother you even after self-help measures.
What to expect at your health care provider's office Return to top
The health care provider will perform a physical examination, including a detailed ear examination. The provider ask questions such as:
* What does the sound resemble?
* Is the sound throbbing or rhythmic?
* Is it in one or both ears?
* What other symptoms are also present?
The following diagnostic tests may be performed:
* Audiology/audiometry to test hearing loss
* Head CT scan
* Head MRI scan
* Blood vessel studies (angiography)
* X-rays of the head
TREATMENT
Usually, there is no known cure for tinnitus. If the underlying cause is determined, then fixing that problem may take away your tinnitus (for example, removal of ear wax). Otherwise, measures to help you lessen or live with the noises are taken.
A tinnitus masker, a device worn like a hearing aid, may help. This works by producing low-level sound directly into the ear to cover or disguise the ear noise so that it is less bothersome. A hearing aid may help lessen ear noise and amplify outside sounds.
Medications such as anti-arrhythmics (usually used for irregular heart rhythms), antidepressants, vasodilators, tranquilizers, and anticonvulsants may help. Antihistamines (e.g., meclizine) are also often effective.
Sometimes, counseling may help you learn to tolerate tinnitus. When appropriate, you may be encouraged to consider biofeedback training. This is a method that helps you learn to control body functions by monitoring specific responses (such as tightness of a muscle group) and altering this response through relaxation.
The American Tinnitus Association is a good resource center and support group.
Prevention
Wear ear protection in any situations where ear damage is possible (such as loud concerts or jackhammers). If you have hearing loss, avoid further damage to your hearing by avoiding excessive noise.
Make sure your blood pressure is normal by maintaining proper body weight, exercising regularly, and seeing your doctor for yearly check ups.
References
Heller AJ. Classification and epidemiology of tinnitus. Otolaryngol Clin North Am. 2003; 36(2): 239-248.
Sismanis A. Tinnitus. Advances in evaluation and management. Otolaryngol Clin North Am. 2003; 36(2): xi-xii.
Update Date: 4/11/2005
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haha.. this news was updated in 2005.. guess it shouldn't be tat bad.. after three days later, i should be able to know wat will happened.. and wat is my new direction of life..
at most the worst scenario happened.. just cried.. and cried.. guess after tat i will be ok.. since it is nt the first time i met cancer.. ah gong and korkor lose their life bcos the lost the battle with it.. but touchwood.. hopefully this will nt happened to me ba.. i still so young.. still got so many places i haven went to and haven see finish the world.. i haven find a bf to sayang me.. take care of me.. accompany me thru my ups and downs..
kekee.. wat abt the best scenario happened.. i will stay at hm and relax or go out chill with my friends... at least i dun need to tolerate the buzzing sound anymore and i gain back my freedom.. at least my mind won't be imagine things again.. faster get a bf to sayang me and be with me.. hahaahaa.. :P
then go for job interviews and look for better opportunity. maybe end of the year go aus with my cousin.. haha.. escape from sg again.. go there stay for a period of time, if possible.. learn their culture.. find a new goal in life.. and learn to cherish things..
if i am in a dream land, i would like to restart my life .. move to a new piece of land.. build everythings by myself.. learn to be more independent.. lead a much more happier life.. start to learn things again..
jiejie.. there is once u sms me whether am i angry tat i did not get vodka vanilla.. jiejie.. i am nt angry at all.. during these period of times, i learnt tat things don't always like wat i think in my fairyland, it always turned out different. i wished that both u and jil had found your own happiness.. jil, jiejie and k.. u all gave me a beautiful memories of my poly life.. haha.. guess is time for me to grow up and start to think hw to should i lead my life.. jil, i always complain tat you change.. u will always said.. i never changed at all.. maybe is the feeling i had, had changed.. u no longer tat close with me.. no longer like my jiefu. .which will be there for me.. hearing me crying at nite le.. is i the one who keeps thinking things will be the same but i know that things will never be the same again..
just like a few years back, korkor always bought me cakes and celebrate my birthday with me at void decks.. even though sometimes we are in cold war.. tat period of times is my happiest time.. cos korkor.. u gave me a very sweet moments.. u always said i also treat u very gd arh.. why u kept thinking k is the one who treats u gd.. and still got so many pple ard u treats u equally gd arh.. why u want to keep holding on to a past tat the fruits will never ripe. korkor.. i really enjoyed the moments when we will just eating cakes and i always pour out my sorrows to you.. and u always said i like to cried.. as times passes.. i tried nt to cried in front of you.. and u had realised tat i seldom talk out le.. is it bcos we had changed already? or just like k.. u will be leaving me soon..
u always said i zhong se qin you.. hahaa.. but u and k will always be inside of me.. which gaves me a lot memories.. the two guys who pamper and take care of me.. who always scold me also..
hahahaa.. as for nanny.. byebye... can't always dependent on you tat often.. if i didn't know that u gt a gf.. i will never know that i had been depending on you.. u should have pursue for your happiness.. while let me this dependent girl.. find a way out of herself.. maybe no movies to watch.. always lazing at hm.. guess is time for me to get use to it..
Friday, February 16, 2007
hahaa.. it had been quite a long never do any blogging.. didn't really want to blog anymore.. feel a bit sian.. or maybe gt a bit irritated.. hahaaa..
something happy to share out.. nanny gt a gf le.. hahaa.. happy for him.. but feel a bit sad also.. next time nobody hear my complain abt my idiotic boss.. nobody accompany me to watch movie.. nobody to celebrate my birthday with me.. sigh~~ is nanny really tat impt to me? or nanny really tat gd.. hahahaa.. but i learnt my lesson from tian tian there.. guess is time to be apart with nanny le... byebye nanny..
tian tian also a gd friend of mine.. encourages me when i am down.. motivate me to studies.. somemore give me morning call during examination period.. kekeek.... i like to bully him.. always treat him like girl.. but ended up ..... . therefore.. i tend to stay a distance from pple when etc......
nwadays encounter some funny stuffs.. or maybe i should said i am too petty.. or maybe i too kpo.. when someone who i treated as gd friends..or so called we know for abt 8 years or so called.. we had been buddies.. i dun like the feeling that telling me things halfway.. i will just keep on guessing wat is happening. if maybe someone who i dunno tat well or tat long.. then i dun even bother to ask. in the end.. the reply i gt was is secret. i really feel disappointed.. maybe we didn't built up a trust before the friendship started. mayb there is starting to have a gap between us le.
didn't really met up with korkor nowadays... korkor asks me out but most of times are when like i need to run weekend jobs or monitor jobs at hm.. gosh~~ guess he will stop asking me out soon.. sigh~~ guess i am losing more and more friends le..
nowadays tend to hangout with colleagues, poly friends and primary school friends..
hahaa.. most of them are like i did not met them for more than 10 years.. just feel tat those kind of moments.. hahaa.. ed left aus for studies before he left sg.. he reprimanded me for not attending the primary school gathering, i fly aeroplane and i am late.. hopefully when he is back.. i had already changed for the better..
places that i went for the past one month..
-sentosa
-pasir panjang for seafood
-bugis
-international building ktv x 2
-ortram ktv
-ang mo kio steamboat
-bowling
-surprising.. no movies..
-shopping.. shopping.. shopping..
-chinatown
-sun with moon. yipee.. my favourite place..
-ichiban sushi..
-manhatten ... yipee.. i prefer manhatten rather than fish and co
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erm.. maybe i had something harsh on the previous post.. just tat sometimes i rather dunno anything and continue it... rather than hearing things hear and there to keep my mind keep whirling wat happened.. seriously i dun like pple to said things halfway.. but i, myself always do tat often...
guess maybe bcos stuffs in office that keeps me away ba.. office are full of politics which is like u will never know when u will step on mines and when it will explore. therefore i rather dunno know things or hear stuffs.. i am deaf... so.. maybe next time when someone talked to me... tell me something i know..rather than i know..
hahaa..as for k.. i still wish to know wat happened that makes us tat apart.. rather than u hurt me once deeply.. rather than let me keep guessing.. which hurts me deeper than ever..
something happy to share out.. nanny gt a gf le.. hahaa.. happy for him.. but feel a bit sad also.. next time nobody hear my complain abt my idiotic boss.. nobody accompany me to watch movie.. nobody to celebrate my birthday with me.. sigh~~ is nanny really tat impt to me? or nanny really tat gd.. hahahaa.. but i learnt my lesson from tian tian there.. guess is time to be apart with nanny le... byebye nanny..
tian tian also a gd friend of mine.. encourages me when i am down.. motivate me to studies.. somemore give me morning call during examination period.. kekeek.... i like to bully him.. always treat him like girl.. but ended up ..... . therefore.. i tend to stay a distance from pple when etc......
nwadays encounter some funny stuffs.. or maybe i should said i am too petty.. or maybe i too kpo.. when someone who i treated as gd friends..or so called we know for abt 8 years or so called.. we had been buddies.. i dun like the feeling that telling me things halfway.. i will just keep on guessing wat is happening. if maybe someone who i dunno tat well or tat long.. then i dun even bother to ask. in the end.. the reply i gt was is secret. i really feel disappointed.. maybe we didn't built up a trust before the friendship started. mayb there is starting to have a gap between us le.
didn't really met up with korkor nowadays... korkor asks me out but most of times are when like i need to run weekend jobs or monitor jobs at hm.. gosh~~ guess he will stop asking me out soon.. sigh~~ guess i am losing more and more friends le..
nowadays tend to hangout with colleagues, poly friends and primary school friends..
hahaa.. most of them are like i did not met them for more than 10 years.. just feel tat those kind of moments.. hahaa.. ed left aus for studies before he left sg.. he reprimanded me for not attending the primary school gathering, i fly aeroplane and i am late.. hopefully when he is back.. i had already changed for the better..
places that i went for the past one month..
-sentosa
-pasir panjang for seafood
-bugis
-international building ktv x 2
-ortram ktv
-ang mo kio steamboat
-bowling
-surprising.. no movies..
-shopping.. shopping.. shopping..
-chinatown
-sun with moon. yipee.. my favourite place..
-ichiban sushi..
-manhatten ... yipee.. i prefer manhatten rather than fish and co
----------------------------------------------------------------
erm.. maybe i had something harsh on the previous post.. just tat sometimes i rather dunno anything and continue it... rather than hearing things hear and there to keep my mind keep whirling wat happened.. seriously i dun like pple to said things halfway.. but i, myself always do tat often...
guess maybe bcos stuffs in office that keeps me away ba.. office are full of politics which is like u will never know when u will step on mines and when it will explore. therefore i rather dunno know things or hear stuffs.. i am deaf... so.. maybe next time when someone talked to me... tell me something i know..rather than i know..
hahaa..as for k.. i still wish to know wat happened that makes us tat apart.. rather than u hurt me once deeply.. rather than let me keep guessing.. which hurts me deeper than ever..
Monday, January 15, 2007
Guess it had been a long long time that i ever make a post..
some christmas gifts or some gifts which i collected this year or last year or long time ago..
my xmas gift from my shitty boss
--> hahaa.. i like the colouring.. but i am a bit surprised tat she will give me.. maybe she dun want to make it too obvious tat we dislike each other.. :p
my 21th birthday gift from my banana
my 21th birthday gift from one of my buddies.. aka didi.. or uncle or ah pei.. haha.. :P
xiaoxin, a surprise from L.. long long time ago lor..
hehe.. u see lah.. i got hw many soft toys at home... guess is countless..
from the above pic, u will found 1 baby pooh, 1 pooh bear and 1 rabbit..
1 is from one of the buddies aka korkor aka etc.. for last yr xmas
1 is from nanny..
1 is from jiefu and jiejie b4 they broke up.. haha.. : P still said want to give me vanilla vodka on my 21th birthday.. yet they broke up before my 21th birthday.. so sad.. worst than me.. but in actual should said me and him end earilier than tat.. lol.. :P
guess this one is a bit special..
this one is from my gd buddy also.. lol.. :P
last time in sec school, we are not close at all.. just tat we joined the same eca (which is now known as CCA).. we were from choir.. i still can remember last time vividly.. how stupid am i sia.. bcos of my friends.. got into rumours with one of my gd friends.. but now no more contact le.. i still can remember.. last time i accompany linda to wait at the overhead bridge just bcos of 'MM chocolate' .. haha.. and other pple for 'pyramid'.. ended i always took the wrong bus home..
guess i need to recall why nowadays we are so good... can talk rubbish, watch movie together.. lol.. :P
chocolate with cereals..
haha..trying out.. going to enhance soon..
my 22nd birthday present from my buddies..
hahaa..
want to see somemore of my soft toy collection.. lol.. :P this is only part of it.. not all.. guess next time i can show my perfume collection also...
some christmas gifts or some gifts which i collected this year or last year or long time ago..
my xmas gift from my shitty boss
--> hahaa.. i like the colouring.. but i am a bit surprised tat she will give me.. maybe she dun want to make it too obvious tat we dislike each other.. :p
my 21th birthday gift from my banana
my 21th birthday gift from one of my buddies.. aka didi.. or uncle or ah pei.. haha.. :P
xiaoxin, a surprise from L.. long long time ago lor..
hehe.. u see lah.. i got hw many soft toys at home... guess is countless..
from the above pic, u will found 1 baby pooh, 1 pooh bear and 1 rabbit..
1 is from one of the buddies aka korkor aka etc.. for last yr xmas
1 is from nanny..
1 is from jiefu and jiejie b4 they broke up.. haha.. : P still said want to give me vanilla vodka on my 21th birthday.. yet they broke up before my 21th birthday.. so sad.. worst than me.. but in actual should said me and him end earilier than tat.. lol.. :P
guess this one is a bit special..
this one is from my gd buddy also.. lol.. :P
last time in sec school, we are not close at all.. just tat we joined the same eca (which is now known as CCA).. we were from choir.. i still can remember last time vividly.. how stupid am i sia.. bcos of my friends.. got into rumours with one of my gd friends.. but now no more contact le.. i still can remember.. last time i accompany linda to wait at the overhead bridge just bcos of 'MM chocolate' .. haha.. and other pple for 'pyramid'.. ended i always took the wrong bus home..
guess i need to recall why nowadays we are so good... can talk rubbish, watch movie together.. lol.. :P
chocolate with cereals..
haha..trying out.. going to enhance soon..
my 22nd birthday present from my buddies..
hahaa..
want to see somemore of my soft toy collection.. lol.. :P this is only part of it.. not all.. guess next time i can show my perfume collection also...
Friday, December 08, 2006
Guess nowadays i seems to lose my mind, been going gym and doing some exercises with colleagues or friends. But it doesn't seem to stop my eating habit.
Nowadays been always have a kind of hurting feeling, or i may hide inside room and cried. Guess maybe this is PMS? or should i have put in a phase that i am emotionally unstable? I got a kind of feeling that suddenly i missed him so much that i really wish to grab him and don't want to let go. This is a WRONG FEELING which i must not make the same mistake again. Not to deny, i might be starting a relationship which is long-distance relationship. But first of all i must step out of my door. For those that know me for sometime, you should know who i referring to. I really wish to get him out of mind. Missing him is a wrong feeling that i am giving myself. He might not be the one for me but i confirm tat i am not the one for him.
Being apart for about 2 years or more than 2 years? We dragged a friendship that between us for about 3 years. Sometimes i really don't understand why i had fallen inside the trap. I am not those type of very sociable yet i got a few buddies around me which is i am very glad. Some of my good friends are guys and furthermore we had know each other for like more than 8 years or even like my korkor, i know him for about 10 years. Yet i don't fall for him, i fell in love with someone who like is my friend for 3 years? Min, i guess u are CRAZY. You are also so selfish, do things when you had set your mind and changes my mindset. Min, why are you so selfish. You are not the one for me. STOP BOTHERING ME CAN!!!!!
Think i need to get this MIN out, so that all my friends will be able to see a brand new MIN aka LIMIN instead of someone who is keep thinking abt past and missing HIM.
Guess is time for me to take a break and leave SG. Go a short holiday with my mum and friends. Erm.. yy and Justine korkor, anything that u all want me to get back for u? Pls sms me before christmas.
**I not revealing when i am going nor when i am coming back...
(Guess this is wat i learn from you.)
**Hope tat this is the last time i going to mention you in my blog. I believe that i will find someone better than you and lead a much more happier life without u in my mind.
K, i don't really hate you but i hate myself why i keep drilling down on the past which hurts me that badly. Seriously, i do wish to be like friends with you. Who dun want such a good friend. Is my lose that i didn't cherish our friendship. Is i am the one who being selfish who always keen to have an outcome. Is i am the one who is so stupid that there fairytale happening in this world. Or maybe fairytale does exist just that it don't happen on me. Feel a bit sad that i didn't receive any birthday wishes from you and jiefu.
Remember there was one year, i was waiting for your wishes. But it came quite late, and it had bcome belated wishes. Jiefu was on the phone with me hearing my sobbing. Never know that time passes that fast, now we were all separated.
Aunt coming back from Aus next week..
Nowadays been always have a kind of hurting feeling, or i may hide inside room and cried. Guess maybe this is PMS? or should i have put in a phase that i am emotionally unstable? I got a kind of feeling that suddenly i missed him so much that i really wish to grab him and don't want to let go. This is a WRONG FEELING which i must not make the same mistake again. Not to deny, i might be starting a relationship which is long-distance relationship. But first of all i must step out of my door. For those that know me for sometime, you should know who i referring to. I really wish to get him out of mind. Missing him is a wrong feeling that i am giving myself. He might not be the one for me but i confirm tat i am not the one for him.
Being apart for about 2 years or more than 2 years? We dragged a friendship that between us for about 3 years. Sometimes i really don't understand why i had fallen inside the trap. I am not those type of very sociable yet i got a few buddies around me which is i am very glad. Some of my good friends are guys and furthermore we had know each other for like more than 8 years or even like my korkor, i know him for about 10 years. Yet i don't fall for him, i fell in love with someone who like is my friend for 3 years? Min, i guess u are CRAZY. You are also so selfish, do things when you had set your mind and changes my mindset. Min, why are you so selfish. You are not the one for me. STOP BOTHERING ME CAN!!!!!
Think i need to get this MIN out, so that all my friends will be able to see a brand new MIN aka LIMIN instead of someone who is keep thinking abt past and missing HIM.
Guess is time for me to take a break and leave SG. Go a short holiday with my mum and friends. Erm.. yy and Justine korkor, anything that u all want me to get back for u? Pls sms me before christmas.
**I not revealing when i am going nor when i am coming back...
(Guess this is wat i learn from you.)
**Hope tat this is the last time i going to mention you in my blog. I believe that i will find someone better than you and lead a much more happier life without u in my mind.
K, i don't really hate you but i hate myself why i keep drilling down on the past which hurts me that badly. Seriously, i do wish to be like friends with you. Who dun want such a good friend. Is my lose that i didn't cherish our friendship. Is i am the one who being selfish who always keen to have an outcome. Is i am the one who is so stupid that there fairytale happening in this world. Or maybe fairytale does exist just that it don't happen on me. Feel a bit sad that i didn't receive any birthday wishes from you and jiefu.
Remember there was one year, i was waiting for your wishes. But it came quite late, and it had bcome belated wishes. Jiefu was on the phone with me hearing my sobbing. Never know that time passes that fast, now we were all separated.
Aunt coming back from Aus next week..
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Erm.. It had been almost a month that i ever do blogging. This one month it had been dramatically ups and downs.
24th oct..
met up with my cousins for gathering and went to watch a very boring show called the dalia..
25th oct..
i went out with nanny to watch the prestige.. and had japanese food.. lol.. :P
i was late.. nanny face was like damn black...
26th oct..
As for my birthday, i purely went to watch a movie with mummy.. and had a dinner with my parents.. Followed by meeting with my primary school friends, my friend bought a bottle of white wine, 6 cans of beer and we sat somewhere near Macdonald, splashing each other with beer. I remembered last year we were drinking vodka vanilla with coke. And we went for KTV session.
Seriously that month or maybe in early November,i had been to ktv like more than 4 times? All with different pple..
27th-29th..
I went do downtown east chalet... I met kw at 4pm at Pasir Ris Mrt station, guess what? I am late again. We went to the chalet first and the rest will come down later. Erm.. the room was full with Halloween decoration.. We met yy and went to supermarket to get stuffs for chalet. We actually wanted to go there earlier therefore we can buy a cake for her to celebrate in advance. Ard 9 plus, we went chiong but we left the room around 10pm. Bulldog was at tiong bahru barking cos we were late. Furthermore, i instructed them to drop off at the wrong bus-stop. We had to walk down to zouk. Seriously i dun really like to go there, maybe it was too crowded over there or not used to go out with them? haha.. :P erm.. i went to eat prata ard 1plus and four of us left zouk ard 2 plus. From then, we walked to clarke quay, followed by liang court macdonald to have big breakfast and ard 5 plus, gary joined us to walk to city hall mrt station. Ard 6 plus, when i am on my way back to chalet.. someone called me and chat with me throughout the journey till my phone low batt, while all my friends were sleeping. Guess who is him?
when i reached chalet, i was the last one to pom pom. hai~~ i fell asleep ard 8plus or 9.. Shifu's phone rang ard 9 plus, woke all of us up, another phone call at 10 plus, third call at 11 plus.. omg, i was so sleepy..that i woke up and sleep again. can't deny tat my buddies are sweet. He actually give me the pillow and share with me the blanket.. hehee.. :P When i wake up is ard 1 plus, we went supermarket to buy food for bbq again. Cos my korkor(KL) going to cook nice food for us.. lol.. :P Therefore i said bbq must have KL!!!!! Without him, all of us will starve due to all of us are lazy to cook... :P
I had chocolate ham specially from korkor and i dipped my chicken wing inside the chocolate, in the end kana niao by everyone.. lol.. :P
Followed by i went to escape for fortune telling...
around 3 plus.. someone called me and talked to me till i fall asleep.. the next day morning, i wake up le.. faster take cab home and ZzzzzZZzzzzZZz...
30th.. to 3rd of Nov
back to work.. super sian.. received a flower and a card from my fellow team colleagues and got an e-greeting frm my ex-users.
Carried on with my jobs and work... so sian.. .
4th to 5th Nov..
erm.. i was sleeping for the whole day on sat..
as for sunday, i went out to meet with ester and ah ying for shopping session. We went for neoprints, drinking session and shopping..
6th nov to 9th nov
suppose to meet ah ying they all on monday but i was being call back to do my job even though i am on leave.. so sian.. hai~~ work and work... till friday.. took a half day off..
10th to 12th nov..
friday, i went to watch flushed away with my colleagues..
as for saturday, i went out with two couples plus one of my guy friends.. so weird sia.. two of us go out with two couples.. omg.. hai~~~ my friend was like asking me whether i envy or not.. i reply to him.. "No".. guess he was a bit stunned ba.. We went to watch final call.. He was liked bullying me throughout the show, trying to scare me.. haha.. but luckily.. that show wasn't tat scary..
Sunday.. family day..
13th nov to 17th..
i went to watch the texas chainsaw massacre with my two buddies and one colleagues.. Since she wanted to watch it so much, therefore i asked her to join me. it was pretty disgusting, till a point that i want to hide away.. I like the indonesian food over PS foodcourt.. delicious sia.. : P
as on the 17th of nov, i went out with my buddies to celebrate yy's belated birthday. We bought her a pants at red2. Jo, gary and me went to ben and jerry's ice-cream while they waiting for win to finish his dinner. After that we went to durleons, and take a look.. :)
18th nov to 19th nov
i went sentosa last sat.. once again, i went to play the luge and skyride again. guess no matter hw many time i played skyride, i still feel a bit scare.. haha.. we went to underwater world and dolphin lagoon. I finally had a chance to go dolphin lagoon. :) Plus we went all the way to golf club to withdraw money.. hehee.. :P no yandaos over there leh.. only got posh cars.. After that we went to chinatown to have dessert.. followed by a shopping spree at chinatown, bugis and mustafa.. reached home ard 2am.. is like i went out at 11am.. my legs was like extremely tired..
ytd.. i went out with korkor(KL) to buy satay and after that he let me alight at tampines to meet jo.. Heard the story between she and her bf and we do a shopping spree over at tampines. Met leo downstairs but i ran away.. After that we went to CA for dinner. I waited for abt nearly half an hour at fish & co for my dinner..so sad.. after that korkor came over to join us, he treated us swensen ice-cream.. :)
fong korkor.. when are treating me to eat suki sushi/sakae buffet? hehee.. :P
Movies that i watched nowadays..
1) Death Note
2) Black Dahlie
3) The prestige
4) Rob-b-hood
5) Flushed away
6) Final call
7) The texas chainsaw massacre
erm.. a mth.. 7 movies? omg..
24th oct..
met up with my cousins for gathering and went to watch a very boring show called the dalia..
25th oct..
i went out with nanny to watch the prestige.. and had japanese food.. lol.. :P
i was late.. nanny face was like damn black...
26th oct..
As for my birthday, i purely went to watch a movie with mummy.. and had a dinner with my parents.. Followed by meeting with my primary school friends, my friend bought a bottle of white wine, 6 cans of beer and we sat somewhere near Macdonald, splashing each other with beer. I remembered last year we were drinking vodka vanilla with coke. And we went for KTV session.
Seriously that month or maybe in early November,i had been to ktv like more than 4 times? All with different pple..
27th-29th..
I went do downtown east chalet... I met kw at 4pm at Pasir Ris Mrt station, guess what? I am late again. We went to the chalet first and the rest will come down later. Erm.. the room was full with Halloween decoration.. We met yy and went to supermarket to get stuffs for chalet. We actually wanted to go there earlier therefore we can buy a cake for her to celebrate in advance. Ard 9 plus, we went chiong but we left the room around 10pm. Bulldog was at tiong bahru barking cos we were late. Furthermore, i instructed them to drop off at the wrong bus-stop. We had to walk down to zouk. Seriously i dun really like to go there, maybe it was too crowded over there or not used to go out with them? haha.. :P erm.. i went to eat prata ard 1plus and four of us left zouk ard 2 plus. From then, we walked to clarke quay, followed by liang court macdonald to have big breakfast and ard 5 plus, gary joined us to walk to city hall mrt station. Ard 6 plus, when i am on my way back to chalet.. someone called me and chat with me throughout the journey till my phone low batt, while all my friends were sleeping. Guess who is him?
when i reached chalet, i was the last one to pom pom. hai~~ i fell asleep ard 8plus or 9.. Shifu's phone rang ard 9 plus, woke all of us up, another phone call at 10 plus, third call at 11 plus.. omg, i was so sleepy..that i woke up and sleep again. can't deny tat my buddies are sweet. He actually give me the pillow and share with me the blanket.. hehee.. :P When i wake up is ard 1 plus, we went supermarket to buy food for bbq again. Cos my korkor(KL) going to cook nice food for us.. lol.. :P Therefore i said bbq must have KL!!!!! Without him, all of us will starve due to all of us are lazy to cook... :P
I had chocolate ham specially from korkor and i dipped my chicken wing inside the chocolate, in the end kana niao by everyone.. lol.. :P
Followed by i went to escape for fortune telling...
around 3 plus.. someone called me and talked to me till i fall asleep.. the next day morning, i wake up le.. faster take cab home and ZzzzzZZzzzzZZz...
30th.. to 3rd of Nov
back to work.. super sian.. received a flower and a card from my fellow team colleagues and got an e-greeting frm my ex-users.
Carried on with my jobs and work... so sian.. .
4th to 5th Nov..
erm.. i was sleeping for the whole day on sat..
as for sunday, i went out to meet with ester and ah ying for shopping session. We went for neoprints, drinking session and shopping..
6th nov to 9th nov
suppose to meet ah ying they all on monday but i was being call back to do my job even though i am on leave.. so sian.. hai~~ work and work... till friday.. took a half day off..
10th to 12th nov..
friday, i went to watch flushed away with my colleagues..
as for saturday, i went out with two couples plus one of my guy friends.. so weird sia.. two of us go out with two couples.. omg.. hai~~~ my friend was like asking me whether i envy or not.. i reply to him.. "No".. guess he was a bit stunned ba.. We went to watch final call.. He was liked bullying me throughout the show, trying to scare me.. haha.. but luckily.. that show wasn't tat scary..
Sunday.. family day..
13th nov to 17th..
i went to watch the texas chainsaw massacre with my two buddies and one colleagues.. Since she wanted to watch it so much, therefore i asked her to join me. it was pretty disgusting, till a point that i want to hide away.. I like the indonesian food over PS foodcourt.. delicious sia.. : P
as on the 17th of nov, i went out with my buddies to celebrate yy's belated birthday. We bought her a pants at red2. Jo, gary and me went to ben and jerry's ice-cream while they waiting for win to finish his dinner. After that we went to durleons, and take a look.. :)
18th nov to 19th nov
i went sentosa last sat.. once again, i went to play the luge and skyride again. guess no matter hw many time i played skyride, i still feel a bit scare.. haha.. we went to underwater world and dolphin lagoon. I finally had a chance to go dolphin lagoon. :) Plus we went all the way to golf club to withdraw money.. hehee.. :P no yandaos over there leh.. only got posh cars.. After that we went to chinatown to have dessert.. followed by a shopping spree at chinatown, bugis and mustafa.. reached home ard 2am.. is like i went out at 11am.. my legs was like extremely tired..
ytd.. i went out with korkor(KL) to buy satay and after that he let me alight at tampines to meet jo.. Heard the story between she and her bf and we do a shopping spree over at tampines. Met leo downstairs but i ran away.. After that we went to CA for dinner. I waited for abt nearly half an hour at fish & co for my dinner..so sad.. after that korkor came over to join us, he treated us swensen ice-cream.. :)
fong korkor.. when are treating me to eat suki sushi/sakae buffet? hehee.. :P
Movies that i watched nowadays..
1) Death Note
2) Black Dahlie
3) The prestige
4) Rob-b-hood
5) Flushed away
6) Final call
7) The texas chainsaw massacre
erm.. a mth.. 7 movies? omg..
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Changi Airport is a place where i always tend to hide when i am down.. why? Nobody will knows why i loved that place so much..or either why i always want to go there. Nothing is special over there, nobody will wants to go unless he or she is leaving sg. Maybe since secondary school days, CA is a place where we always hangout. A place where most of us will celebrate our birthday. Last year, i went with nanny to celebrate my 21th birthday at T1 Swensen. T1 swensen had always been the one where we hang out frequently. It gives me ton of memories.
A few years ago, we belong to a group of carefree people. We not think about relationship just hanging around each other. As time passes, a few of us had entered relationship path, how many of us really maintain a relationship? how many of us make scarfices for his/her relationship. Wat it turn out to be? I am not a person good at talking but i am a person who is good at behave like kid. Not to deny, although i am turning 22 years old in a few days time, I still behave like a kid. I am an indecisive person, i may do this but i am thinking of something else. I tends to cry easily nowaday, due to stress or pressure from work? or due to a pain inside my heart. I couldn't find a way out.. Guess i am stuck.. Seriously, i dun even know wat i want for birthday present... hahaa.. i dun lack of anything, currently i am not going after for branded stuffs but i dare not said i will not go after it. hahaha... :P pple ard me are wearing/buying branded.. haha.. maybe one day, i can't stand tempation, i will go after it. guess i just want care from pple.. haha... maybe i too weak le...
As for relationship, i really envy or maybe jealous ba.. When u go on the streets, how many of the couples can last till forever? how many couples still hold hands like when they are ard 60s or older.. Maybe i do not have the confident of stepping into a relationship or maybe i am scare of getting hurt. Cos is really painful when u fall for someone yet mayb he/she nt the one meant for you or maybe it only last for a few years. I am not saying that nowadays no relationship will last forever. But is the way you see things.. If you can't cherish wat he/she is, there is no way things will last. As time passes, he/she will change. Can you still accept that she/he turns old or bcome bald or have a big tummy or thick makeups or fatter or etc........ Nowadays in this society, there are more than enuff tempations that who can promised that they will never go astray.. Can a relationship really last as long as wat the elders had ? Are our thinkings in sink with their thinkings? Guess nope...
Last Saturday, i went to attend wedding dinner at suntec convention centre. As usual, was a big of group of us but one person is missing tat is grandpa. He is no longer participating in any event/function with us, yet i still see a shadow of him ard us. Maybe i do not have enuff sleep, that's why i am dreaming ba. Everybody was stunned when they heard that sometimes i worked till 2 to 3am. The bridegroom is so how my relative, as the bride was someone from china? Erm.. As usual, we don't know anything abt her. Is only heard that they met in China and they are working in the same company. But to me, she looks like a singaporean more than from shanghai. After they get married, they will go back to shanghai to contiune to carry on with their fairytale. Maybe at the point of the moment, i got think that when is going to be my chance to pursue my fairytale to start. haha.. maybe there won't be any fairytale happening in my life.
As pple ard me of so called pple who can been with me walking thru my relationship life with me.. They tend to suffer a lot cos i changed my mind a lot. I may said i love you but in the end i want to break cos i thinking i am dun suit you. Or maybe u should derserve someone better than me or maybe we shouldn't drag things for so long. we should go seperate ways..i hurt myself too often till i tot i am numb, i no longer had any feeling... but when he left me.. i tot i am fine, i will be ok with it.. till now i still dun understand.. when i am watching a movie/drama and it tend to have a sad ending, the pain inside me grows and i burst into tears.. why? stress? or unhappiness abt work? or ???
Tomorrow, i had a date with my director.. sigh~~ can i control my emotions? Can i control my words? Those pple who knows me well should know that, i am not good at controlling words.. therefore.. a bit........... hai~~~~~~
A few years ago, we belong to a group of carefree people. We not think about relationship just hanging around each other. As time passes, a few of us had entered relationship path, how many of us really maintain a relationship? how many of us make scarfices for his/her relationship. Wat it turn out to be? I am not a person good at talking but i am a person who is good at behave like kid. Not to deny, although i am turning 22 years old in a few days time, I still behave like a kid. I am an indecisive person, i may do this but i am thinking of something else. I tends to cry easily nowaday, due to stress or pressure from work? or due to a pain inside my heart. I couldn't find a way out.. Guess i am stuck.. Seriously, i dun even know wat i want for birthday present... hahaa.. i dun lack of anything, currently i am not going after for branded stuffs but i dare not said i will not go after it. hahaha... :P pple ard me are wearing/buying branded.. haha.. maybe one day, i can't stand tempation, i will go after it. guess i just want care from pple.. haha... maybe i too weak le...
As for relationship, i really envy or maybe jealous ba.. When u go on the streets, how many of the couples can last till forever? how many couples still hold hands like when they are ard 60s or older.. Maybe i do not have the confident of stepping into a relationship or maybe i am scare of getting hurt. Cos is really painful when u fall for someone yet mayb he/she nt the one meant for you or maybe it only last for a few years. I am not saying that nowadays no relationship will last forever. But is the way you see things.. If you can't cherish wat he/she is, there is no way things will last. As time passes, he/she will change. Can you still accept that she/he turns old or bcome bald or have a big tummy or thick makeups or fatter or etc........ Nowadays in this society, there are more than enuff tempations that who can promised that they will never go astray.. Can a relationship really last as long as wat the elders had ? Are our thinkings in sink with their thinkings? Guess nope...
Last Saturday, i went to attend wedding dinner at suntec convention centre. As usual, was a big of group of us but one person is missing tat is grandpa. He is no longer participating in any event/function with us, yet i still see a shadow of him ard us. Maybe i do not have enuff sleep, that's why i am dreaming ba. Everybody was stunned when they heard that sometimes i worked till 2 to 3am. The bridegroom is so how my relative, as the bride was someone from china? Erm.. As usual, we don't know anything abt her. Is only heard that they met in China and they are working in the same company. But to me, she looks like a singaporean more than from shanghai. After they get married, they will go back to shanghai to contiune to carry on with their fairytale. Maybe at the point of the moment, i got think that when is going to be my chance to pursue my fairytale to start. haha.. maybe there won't be any fairytale happening in my life.
As pple ard me of so called pple who can been with me walking thru my relationship life with me.. They tend to suffer a lot cos i changed my mind a lot. I may said i love you but in the end i want to break cos i thinking i am dun suit you. Or maybe u should derserve someone better than me or maybe we shouldn't drag things for so long. we should go seperate ways..i hurt myself too often till i tot i am numb, i no longer had any feeling... but when he left me.. i tot i am fine, i will be ok with it.. till now i still dun understand.. when i am watching a movie/drama and it tend to have a sad ending, the pain inside me grows and i burst into tears.. why? stress? or unhappiness abt work? or ???
Tomorrow, i had a date with my director.. sigh~~ can i control my emotions? Can i control my words? Those pple who knows me well should know that, i am not good at controlling words.. therefore.. a bit........... hai~~~~~~
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