Seriously.. these two years plus.. i lead a simple life.. either go out with friends or stay at home.. nothing much.. getting more and more sian of life.. dunno where to go.. head to where.. did some bad habits for social life.. of cos maybe nobody will know wat i did.. except a few pple.. or maybe none..
After cny, i grow one year old older.. tends to look back at things again.. am i too foolish or am i too silly or am i too gullible or it is all the same.. seriously when u tend to grow older, u will tends to lose more things..
my cousin told me.. had a bf.. he will always be there for you, no matter u are happy or upset or when u are down.. quite true.. even when u are down.. u dun even know who to go.. or i tends to act too strong in front of others..
had a chat with a net friend ytd, told him abt relationship.. he does agree, if i never know the reason, i will never had a chance to forget abt him. whether is it the truth or not.. guess i shouldn't think of it anymore.. still remember there is once my buddy ask me a question.. will you feel jealous that seeing your gd friends all in love le.. the answer i told him was 'No', guess can i change my answer.. i did feel sad.. heart still like bleeding non-stop.. bcos i lose my own happiness le..
now i understand wat louis means.. if we break up, we will never be friends again. bcos we fell in love once. or i never love u as much as u love me.. tat's y i dun feel painful to be friends with you? or ??
korkor.. u always tell me.. end things with a beautiful dot to make the story full with memories.. u keep asking me.. things had already past for so long.. why can't u just forget it and move on with your life?
tian tian.. i get to know u nt very long yet i had been dependent u for a period of time.. guess tat was period when i having exams.. u gave me the support and asked me to forget him..
nanny.. haha.. knew u when i am still working at cartel.. so fast, it had been years that i met you.. almost every year u celebrate my birthday with me.. saw u tat day when i drunk.. when hm to vomit out everything.. it was one day after my cousin pass away.. tat day i went drinking with an empty stomach, after drinking.. ate like a pig.. and went back hm vomitting out everything. guess it was ard 4 plus in th morning.. last yr cny eve, i met u out for movie after the reniuon dinner.. i remember i throw my tantrum on you.. it was the day when i know that, it was the last cny tat my grandpa will be celebrating with us. in the end, it was the truth.. he left us in march.. i cried after the funeral and in the office.. i guess i was in the state of devastated. never knew wat is the exact pain when u lose a kin.. till tat point of moment then i finally understand wat was the pain like..
if i am not wrong, a mth later.. my friends jio me to go ms to eat cake.. after first i wasn't keen of going at all.. in the end, kana scolding and persuading, i went down to ms to find them. ended up in mos.. but the next day, i need to work even though is a public holiday.. my friends said i looks much more better than when they saw me at mac.. guess eyes wasn't tat red and tears no longer rolling down..
why i had those kind of behavior.. guess is due to regrets? never really cherish it only till when is gone.. i always said.. cherish the things in front of you, dun wait until they are gone then you regret.. seems i like i had never leart my lesson and kept making the same mistakes again and again. i dun wish to turn dependent to love. i dun want to kept the pain again and again.. the pain is like sharpen knife kept stabbing on me once in the blue moon.
during these one month plus, i was having earing problems. consult doctor and even took mc. things doesn't seems to be on the brighter side.. from one ear to two ears... never really show it out.. just briefly told my colleagues cos i was on mc.. they agreed tat my situation got worst.. cos sometimes i can barely hear wat are talking abt.. therefore nwadays i always pluck earphones in my ear.. rather than hearing things and start my imagination going round and round again.. ever tot of stepping in polyclinic today, but maybe of phobia of going to hospital and do the check up and etc... went back to the same private clinic which i went last week.. different doctor on shift today, he asked me to go back checkup aft three days later. removal of the ear wax, it might be the reason of why i had been hearing tinkling or buzzing sound. which sometimes it makes me feel like fainting or suddenly blackout for a while.. last thur, i went to chinatown.. when i am trying clothes, my ear suddenly blackout.. almost faint over.. faster go buy medicated oil.. or maybe i haven had my dinner yet.. did feel a bit unwell but did shopping before i headed home.. he said if i dun cure it faster, it might had infection and i might loss my earing.. of cos nowadays keep thinking of wat if i bcome deaf, how would my life turns out to be? maybe i think too much le.. it might nt be tat serious.. read an article online, the best scenario after removal of the ear wax, my ears will be back normal.. but seems it had been persistent for more than one month.. it might have a bit of infection cos i did feel the pain when i pluck a cotton wool inside.. the worst scenario will be cancer.. but the percentage for this is certainly very low.. haha.. let me prepare for the worst, just tat had to go thru a lot of rounds of testing, needles in front of me .. haha.. i won't be tat unlucky till tat extreme ba?
**taken from a website.. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003043.htm
Alternative names
Ringing in the ears; Tinnitus; Noises or buzzing in the ears
Definition
Tinnitus is the medical term for "hearing" noises in your ears when there is no outside source of the sounds. The noises you hear can be soft or loud. They may sound like ringing, blowing, roaring, buzzing, hissing, humming, whistling, or sizzling. You may even think you are hearing air escaping, water running, the inside of a seashell, or musical notes.
Considerations
Tinnitus is common. Almost everyone experiences a mild form of tinnitus once in awhile that only lasts a few minutes. However, constant or recurring tinnitus is stressful and can interfere with your ability to concentrate or sleep.
Common Causes
It is not known exactly what causes a person to "hear" sounds with no outside source of the noise. However, tinnitus can be a symptom of almost any ear problem, including ear infections, foreign objects or wax in the ear, and injury from loud noises. Alcohol, caffeine, antibiotics, aspirin, or other drugs can also cause ear noises.
Tinnitus may occur with hearing loss. Occasionally, it is a sign of high blood pressure, an allergy, or anemia. Rarely, tinnitus is a sign of a serious problem like a tumor or aneurysm.
Home Care
* Tinnitus can be masked by competing sounds, such as low-level music, ticking clocks, or other noises. Tinnitus is often more noticeable when you go to bed at night because your surroundings are quieter. Any noise in the room, like a humidifier, white noise machine, or dishwasher, can help mask tinnitus and make it less irritating.
* Learn ways to relax. Feeling stressed or anxious can worsen tinnitus.
* Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and smoking.
* Get enough rest. Try sleeping with your head propped up in an elevated position. This lessens head congestion and noises may become less noticeable.
Call your health care provider if Return to top
Call your doctor if:
* Ear noises start after a head injury.
* The noises are associated with other unexplained symptoms like dizziness, feeling off balance, nausea, or vomiting.
* You have unexplained ear noises that bother you even after self-help measures.
What to expect at your health care provider's office Return to top
The health care provider will perform a physical examination, including a detailed ear examination. The provider ask questions such as:
* What does the sound resemble?
* Is the sound throbbing or rhythmic?
* Is it in one or both ears?
* What other symptoms are also present?
The following diagnostic tests may be performed:
* Audiology/audiometry to test hearing loss
* Head CT scan
* Head MRI scan
* Blood vessel studies (angiography)
* X-rays of the head
TREATMENT
Usually, there is no known cure for tinnitus. If the underlying cause is determined, then fixing that problem may take away your tinnitus (for example, removal of ear wax). Otherwise, measures to help you lessen or live with the noises are taken.
A tinnitus masker, a device worn like a hearing aid, may help. This works by producing low-level sound directly into the ear to cover or disguise the ear noise so that it is less bothersome. A hearing aid may help lessen ear noise and amplify outside sounds.
Medications such as anti-arrhythmics (usually used for irregular heart rhythms), antidepressants, vasodilators, tranquilizers, and anticonvulsants may help. Antihistamines (e.g., meclizine) are also often effective.
Sometimes, counseling may help you learn to tolerate tinnitus. When appropriate, you may be encouraged to consider biofeedback training. This is a method that helps you learn to control body functions by monitoring specific responses (such as tightness of a muscle group) and altering this response through relaxation.
The American Tinnitus Association is a good resource center and support group.
Prevention
Wear ear protection in any situations where ear damage is possible (such as loud concerts or jackhammers). If you have hearing loss, avoid further damage to your hearing by avoiding excessive noise.
Make sure your blood pressure is normal by maintaining proper body weight, exercising regularly, and seeing your doctor for yearly check ups.
References
Heller AJ. Classification and epidemiology of tinnitus. Otolaryngol Clin North Am. 2003; 36(2): 239-248.
Sismanis A. Tinnitus. Advances in evaluation and management. Otolaryngol Clin North Am. 2003; 36(2): xi-xii.
Update Date: 4/11/2005
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haha.. this news was updated in 2005.. guess it shouldn't be tat bad.. after three days later, i should be able to know wat will happened.. and wat is my new direction of life..
at most the worst scenario happened.. just cried.. and cried.. guess after tat i will be ok.. since it is nt the first time i met cancer.. ah gong and korkor lose their life bcos the lost the battle with it.. but touchwood.. hopefully this will nt happened to me ba.. i still so young.. still got so many places i haven went to and haven see finish the world.. i haven find a bf to sayang me.. take care of me.. accompany me thru my ups and downs..
kekee.. wat abt the best scenario happened.. i will stay at hm and relax or go out chill with my friends... at least i dun need to tolerate the buzzing sound anymore and i gain back my freedom.. at least my mind won't be imagine things again.. faster get a bf to sayang me and be with me.. hahaahaa.. :P
then go for job interviews and look for better opportunity. maybe end of the year go aus with my cousin.. haha.. escape from sg again.. go there stay for a period of time, if possible.. learn their culture.. find a new goal in life.. and learn to cherish things..
if i am in a dream land, i would like to restart my life .. move to a new piece of land.. build everythings by myself.. learn to be more independent.. lead a much more happier life.. start to learn things again..
jiejie.. there is once u sms me whether am i angry tat i did not get vodka vanilla.. jiejie.. i am nt angry at all.. during these period of times, i learnt tat things don't always like wat i think in my fairyland, it always turned out different. i wished that both u and jil had found your own happiness.. jil, jiejie and k.. u all gave me a beautiful memories of my poly life.. haha.. guess is time for me to grow up and start to think hw to should i lead my life.. jil, i always complain tat you change.. u will always said.. i never changed at all.. maybe is the feeling i had, had changed.. u no longer tat close with me.. no longer like my jiefu. .which will be there for me.. hearing me crying at nite le.. is i the one who keeps thinking things will be the same but i know that things will never be the same again..
just like a few years back, korkor always bought me cakes and celebrate my birthday with me at void decks.. even though sometimes we are in cold war.. tat period of times is my happiest time.. cos korkor.. u gave me a very sweet moments.. u always said i also treat u very gd arh.. why u kept thinking k is the one who treats u gd.. and still got so many pple ard u treats u equally gd arh.. why u want to keep holding on to a past tat the fruits will never ripe. korkor.. i really enjoyed the moments when we will just eating cakes and i always pour out my sorrows to you.. and u always said i like to cried.. as times passes.. i tried nt to cried in front of you.. and u had realised tat i seldom talk out le.. is it bcos we had changed already? or just like k.. u will be leaving me soon..
u always said i zhong se qin you.. hahaa.. but u and k will always be inside of me.. which gaves me a lot memories.. the two guys who pamper and take care of me.. who always scold me also..
hahahaa.. as for nanny.. byebye... can't always dependent on you tat often.. if i didn't know that u gt a gf.. i will never know that i had been depending on you.. u should have pursue for your happiness.. while let me this dependent girl.. find a way out of herself.. maybe no movies to watch.. always lazing at hm.. guess is time for me to get use to it..
