this is the first time i going to write a conclusion for wat i done for this year.. let me see i had fall down hw many times before the arrival of a new year...

Happiest moments:
i don't know whether i got happy moments.. at least i still a few friends celebrate with me on my birthday eve.. thanks.. really sweet of them.. even though tat time is exams period for most of us... second should be attend er-jie's wedding.. finally know tat all of us had grown up.. third.. should be going to get my bursary soon..

Saddiest moments
thanks to my 3 closest friend in poly.. there was a period.. i really down.. and helpless.. they were the ones who cheer me up.. thanks pals.. tat time.. a silly girl went to airport almost everyday.. looking at the planes.. tears rolls down.. cannot imagine things happen so fast.. she sat down at the cafe wanted to study.. but she jus couldn't make it.. send a sms out.. she told herself.. she will not regret for wat she had done.. but in the end.. she still regret.. jus trying to act strong.. that was how i lose a very close guy friend...

maybe i not good at words nor handling friendship ba.. i lose another close guy friend also... during december, he was being admitted to hospital due to accident.. i went to the hospital to visit him.. while he was changing bed to go for operation.. i left... his relatives and friends were there.. the next day morning.. he called me.. saying he was very unhappy ... and dun want to see me anymore.. a sentence i can says is... i cry again.... i really plucked my courage to go hospital to see you...... do u know how long had i been wandering outside the ward before i dare to go in.. i am not tat strong like wat u tot.. bcos of wat your friends's says... u tell me those.. u know wat i tot of tat day..it reminds me of him.... but it also my fault.. shouldn't jus walk away, i should have stand beside u.. why am i so silly...

wow.. another guy again... but tat was someone special... be frank.. if can i rather dun want to keep a secret... so torturing... this secret had to be kept till the day my granny passaway... it was a big impact for everyone of us... at first.. i really can't accept it.. almost every nite, tears rolling down my cheeks.. last year was the last time i saw u.. u offered me cookie and cream ice-cream.. i like it a lot.. from that moment onwards... i always wanted to eat cookies and cream ice-cream but it taste so different.. tat day went to the airport... feeling was different.. everyone of us.. still couldn't wat had happened.. i bcome more dong shi... but this was an act.. u know how i study for exams.. how to force myself to stay awake thru whole nite.. the method is: "I promise korkor.. i will study hard.. and not let him disappointed" whenever i wanted to give up.. this is the sentence i tell myself.. yeah~i got good results.. so wat.. he had already left me... so this year.. i jus had a simple birthday...

although me and the first guy are still friends but not tat close anymore.. he says i am very emotional.. i admit tat ba.. i cry whenever tears roll down my cheeks... hereby..i wish to thanks a few persons... 3 ba po(erm.. should know who are u all liao..).. hehe.. :P jiefu & jiejie... yy... tian tian... thank you for the comfort during that period when i am down... really surprise abt tat.. always ask me dun think so much..

hopefully this coming year.. i will have more peace... and happiness....

on sunday, tidal waves hit number of countries... like thailand(phucket), sri lanka , india, sumantra, malaysia(Penang) n others.. now tons of pple are raising money for them.. a lot of pple pass away... this remind me of someone who i buried deep down in my heart... maybe when someone stepped out of your lives... u will hardly forget them ba.. or maybe is just tat i am very stubborn.. and dun want to let go.. i really trying my best.. my best to forget everything.. my best to start all over again.. but it seems to be so hard.. in april.. i will be going to graduate if my FYP went on smoothly.. hope to try my luck and apply for university.. if can.. i hope to get in... if can't .. then look for jobs first ba..

silly girl..today receive a christmas card.. really very surprise that he will send me a christmas card.. this few years... this friend had always be there for me.. but he like to suan me.. hehe... treat me nt bad.. still can remember years ago.. he send me a valentine day card... bcos he knows i dun have present mah.. so send me a card to cheer me up.. hehe.. quite sweet of him.. friend.. of cos treat u as gd friend....

maybe tomorrow will do a conclusion of wat i had done this year... i guess i lose more than i gain.. lose so many things that hurt me.... let me burried my hatchet deep inside my heart... bcos u will always be living inside me.. thank you for your support.. if without u... maybe silly gal also won't be here now. on my way of life.. u really help us a lot.. xie xie ni... let me cry one more day for you ba...

sian.. today dann fed up.. hai~~no mood.. hehe.. but come back liao.. complaint to so many pple..feel so much better.. lolo.. :P this weekend.. i going to be super bored... hai~~~~ but nvm.. i can sleep a lot.. lolo.. :P sian... now trying to jio pple to go drink.. haha.. if like jiefu saw this post.. he sure want to vomit blood liao.. lolo.. :P LEO arh... when u free to accompany me go drink.. i super sian arh...

tian tian arh.. erm.. dun always go parkway lah.. later i saw u again.. hehe..then your face red red.. hahaa.. :P

hohoho.. .M3rry chrstmas... so fast.. another one week gone.. ths w33k is qut3 buzy f0r m3.. bc0s n33d to g3t s0m3 cl0thing before att3ndng my c0usn w3dding.. hehe.. erm.. this wh0l3 w33k been d0ng qut3 a lot of things.. had my chrstmas at w3st c0ast park.. aft3r tat.. drank a cup of r3d wne at 3 plus.. end up.. very tred and a bt drunk.. lolo.. th3 n3xt day, my beauty sl33p got interrupted hp ringing... sian arh.. got up early and went over to my cousin's house.. after tat reaches home ard 2 plus... actually wanted to sl33p th3n at nte can go out.. but ended up.. took a nap at 4 plus... 7 plus... hp rings agan.. got to wake up and went out to m33t my cousn..actually suppose to m33t k3vin th3y all to help him celebrate his birthday but.. cousin ask me out.. cannot says no mah.. so went out with cousin instead of them.. sorry arh.. tat day went to orchard for shopping... hehe.. bought a shawl... a jacket... gym pants... and a t-shirt from fox.. diao.. spent 60 bucks.. tat day still went to eat creepes... diao.. spent abt 80 bucks.. really broke sia.. left orchard ard 12... when i reached pp, i went to m33t s0m3on3 els3.. wanted to go to changi beach.. on the way.. we got lose.. turning round n round.. but we still manage to reach there.. quite enjoy myself over th3r3,... thanks f0r hs und3rstanding wor...
Actually on sunday, i suppose to go tree top walk but was dann shag... bcos the day before i slept at 4plus.. although i can wake up.. but i really very tired... maybe bcos due to... didn't sleep well for the past 2 days ba.... so at nite went ou with mum to buy clothes.. again.. spent money.. hai~~~ Today went out with friends.. luckily never buy anything.. haha..

alamak.. forget s0m3thing.. on the 23 of dec3mb3r... i saw a blur blur guy at giant.. hehe.. he is so cut3 arh...l00kng h3r3 n th3r3... gu3ss wh0 s tat... the p3rs0n is my tian tian... haha.. :P but i never go over and says hi to him...

yohoo... 4 more days to christmas... this will also be the first time tat me n my ........... will be exchanging present.. lolo... surprising right... stunned right... never told anyone of this infor... only told my cousins... but we will not be meeting each other on that day.... he will joining his friends while me leh... maybe stay at home or wait until my friends decided where they want to go or maybe they got other programs..he asked me to join them... but i insist of dun want... although i saw his friends before.... u know hor.. sotong do makes mistake often... i mistaken a guy as a girl... die arh.... anyway i not going... die die also canot force me to go attend anything function with me.......

last week... leg started to get pain.... after sat going with them... it seems like getting worst... imagine.... from PS to esplande to boat quay then to clarke quay... but i did enjoy the day.. we went to secret receipe... i know i had laughing all the way... my friend why i keep laughing.. till 9 plus... i become more and more quiet.... waiting for a phonecall but it never comes at all...... so disappointed.. but forget it... he quite dotes me wor.. shouldn't think for too much... no more nonesense from me.. jiefu told me dun make things complicated arh.... lolo... xiang tong le.. ......... should be the one i care not other pple... i will learn how to cherish you... u must do that to be wor... arbo break hor.... hehee... :P

jus now in the afternoon went in to malaysia for a short trip.. didn't really buy much.... jus to give myself a break before tomorrow... hai~~~ need to work again.. next week got to shop for clothes for wedding dinner liao... planning to take off on tat day... but still considering... my ex-boss today call me up.. asked me to go back to work... erm.. still considering whether i want to have some time for myself or work.. today saw christian dior perfume.. .erm.. i think not bad leh... maybe tat will be my next target instead of hp ba... we shall see how........

last saturday been to airport to fetch my aunt n my cousin... my friend tot i went to fetch my guy friend.. haha.. i also lazy to further explain.. these few days always been thinking wanted to go and visit kokor.. but thinking back tat is still angry.. make me step back... always tot that he is the one who understand me the most.. but maybe now no longer... from the moment i stepped out of his ward... he sms me the next day... telling me... u had lose me already... maybe i really very stupid ba.. changing bed before going to operation room can stand there to wait mah.. but there got so many pple liao... furthermore nobody i know.. plus... i am so afarid of hospital... i can plucked out my courage and go up alone and search for the ward and bed already not bad... the fear of hospital is really cannot be describe... i really very scare... if i am not scare.. i won't die die also dun want to go see doctor tat day... my back was so painful.... tian tian so scare.. haha.. cos i keep crying non-stop.... the moment i decided to go see doctor is when i called up yiying.. she told me... nth wrong... jus sprain of back... dun need to stay or send to hospital.. then just got relieve and go see doctor... kor... wanted to explain to u.. but u dun want to listen.. i also diam diam liao.. i really fear of hospital... if can... i won't want to step into it... if someone accompany me.. i really dun mind.. u asked me stayed there for how long... i also won't says a no... just like last time... siok entered hospital... xiaowei.. .accompany me go there and we spent almost one whole day there... but u asked me go alone... i will not stayed for long.. cos i scare.. u can scold me timid or watever u want... but the truth is i really cannot stand to go hospital alone... not tat u not impt to me or i dun care for u.. is really.. u cannot ask me go alone... u been taking care of me... i do care for u all but jus duno how to express out mah...

back to airport ba.. before aunt come out... my uncle thinking abt my cousin... the moment is sad... nobody will expect this to happen.... everyone is still sad but nobody want to express it out.. in less than a year so many things happened... there is pple getting marry... there is pple die... this is unavoidable.. no fear.. i promise myself... i will be strong enuff to take care of everyone... from a immature kid need to grow up suddenly to be very mature.. is very hard.. .but i will try my best..

today went down to NUH to see wat happened to my korkor... never knew that this kind of thing will happen.. to me he is always strong and healthy guy... erm... korkor treats me not bad... sometimes always gave me surprises... knew him for 8 years liao ba..... last time always go to broadbrick to have my technical lesson... slowly... get to know him thru friends... he also knows my friends... there are times he come to school and find me... i will be the one trying to hide or runaway... haha.... last year korkor very sweet wor... bought me a cake and a bag.......... n delivery to me......... at nite, he asked me to go down and celebrate my birthday with me... hehe.. :P this few years no matter i been thru wat... he is the one who will always keep me accompany and guide me thru out the problems.... really very hard to believe that he entered hospital.. i tot he must be kidding with me....when i was on my way walking to the wards.. i feel like i am dragging myself... why arh... bcos i scare to go hospital... luckily is dad sent me over... and wait for me at the carpark.... when i am sec 4, i been to NUH before too.... my uncle was being sent over due to cancer... he stayed there for almost 2 weeks or more... still remember the day he discharged... he need two person at his side to hold on to him... he looks extremely pale and weak... wondering why i am scare to go hospital... i dun wish to see my beloved ones to lie on the back and suffering.. last year... i saw my cousin.. he dropped his hairs... everyday he was taking injection... no appetite to eat... and i lost him.... he went away... this is the fact tat i couldn't deny.. when i having exams... i will not disappoint him... i might get the best result i have in my entire poly life... but he is not going to come back anymore... my aunt was very sad over this matter... she will be coming back this weekend... this christmas n new year won't be the same again...

korkor lying on the bed.... when the moment i reached there... he is abt time to go for operation... i leave first bcos dad nt free.. there is a bery silly girl... she stand outside the ward walking here and there and dun dare to go in.... till the moment she asked the nurse... wat's the name of the patient and the bed is at which corner.. 20 years of life... quite unpredictable... been to numerous of hospital to visit different pple... never expect to visit someone who always care for me and strong guy.... really very stunned... and let me recalled back the past.... how uncle struggling to survive... how my cousin trying his best to struggle but he still left us... if there is a wish for me... i wish that u will survive... shulin jiejie always been very quiet... i wondering 1 year i never saw her liao.. how was she... did she overcome the heartache she had....... i would rather have my korkor there quarrel with me and argue with me... wat abt you??

today went out with one of my secondary school friends... so long never see her leh.. ask her out for dinner... i went to try out the new christmas pizza... wow.. so big... both of us ate until very full.... next to our table, there is a very cute baby.... she keeps looking at us while she eating.. so lovely... my friend asked me faster go and have one myself... i says not tat easy.... hahaa... she ask me got bf or not.. erm... today much more special... i answer with a yes and a no too.. i also dunno whether i got a bf or not... he read my blog jus now in the afternoon.. he asked me a question.. u still think of him arh.. erm.. i duno how to answer... hahaa...today at tampines.... let me think louis that bunch of friends.... haha... duno why..... quite miss them... in a sense that most of them are happy go lucky... quarrel in a while... the next moment everything is fine.. let me choose.... i want TIAN TIAN... he the best.... lalalalala... :P the one who scare i cry..... that day when i hurt my back.... i called him when i reached home.... i kept crying bcos it is so painful..... he very scare... haha... keep saying.. i accompany u go see doctor want or not.... Tian tian u the best.... at least being with u... i feel much more happier.... lolo.... when he saw this... he will kill me... or says bu yao hai wo arh......

today went to toa payoh with ester to cut hair..actually ying is coming to join us for dinner.. in the end... she says she got stomachache.. cannot join us... hai~~~ today cut away my long hair..cannot tie anymore..sian....so fast a month had passed.... he is coming back in two weeks time.... am i going to be veyr happy when he called me up.. will he get anything for me.. i have been thinking of these... hahaha.. the answer for all these question is.... NO... the distance between both of us will bcome futher.. i really miss the times...we had together.. maybe when he come back.. he will not look for me anymore...... playing ard for so long.. a bit getting very tired and restless.. dunno why.. feel like the feeling be with friends are better...

yesterday went to play pool with primary school friends.. on the way from tampines to parkway... my friend called me up... after i hang up the phone, the guy suddenly asked me your bf arh? i says no jus a friend... but he says sooner or later he is your bf... i scold him siao.. haha...The most funniest part was tat i saw JUSTIN FONG at TM... erm.. trying avoid to meet him at tampines... in the end.. when i was trying clothes at Gio.... and going to return back the clothes to the salesgirl.. i saw someone.. and i was trying to hide... there is no way i can hide... and he dragged me outside the shop... erm.. this guy sometimes a bit very violent but there are times that he are very good.. always help me this sotong... erm... been quite lucky lah.. got him ard when i need help... SHIFU aka turtle... hehe.. he also not bad... always bully him... Frm yr 1 to yr3... been always asking help from him for projects.........

i want to says a BIG thank you to someone... you are always there for me for these few years... i never regret that i know you... you had been giving me support... always tell me.. min.. must zai.. no fear.. min always remember wat u says.. do u know that.... why min listen to u so much.. u are the first one who called me min....the most silly guy arh... i asked u anything.. most of the time.. u won't says no to me... when u says no... but the next moment... you will help me... silly guy... always tell me dun be late.. when i late.. he frown.. always been keen to ask u out for dinner.. to express my grattitude to you... no chance le.. min u must be strong.........

today after my work.. .went out with my pig and dog friends... actually wanted to go cut my hair... i also duno should i cut it short.. just want to feel more refreshing... wanted to cut it or maybe trim ba... cos my hair also not very long.. but when we reached jean yip.. they already closed for the day... before that went to pizza hut to eat pizzas.. hehe.. long time never so enjoy liao.. hardly can eat things which i like... but now i am totally broke... after that we went back home...actually i dun really feel like going home so early.. bcos is saturday nite.. no choice.. they want to go back.. then go back lah.. tomorrow most probably i going to meet them again.. hai~~~

today passby orchard before i on my way going back home.. thinking back about wat had happened during the whole year... heart suddenly feel so painful.. maybe bcos this year been playing too much.. and hurt myself during those complicated stuffs.. but i am proud of myself this time round.. i did not let my cousin down.. i promise myself i must study hard..then i will not let him down.. i really very satisfy with my results liao.. no regret.. hopefully this year everyone will have a happy merry christmas... counting down to my aunt coming back and christmas and new year n my cousin wedding.. so many things going to happen week after week... erm... he also coming back soon... i wondering how would both of react? i send some icq msgs but he never reply me.. i wondering wat had happened to him.

haha.. today my friend ask me a question during my dinner time.. she says you got bf liao right.. haha... the answer is no... jus friends... :P

erm..it had been a long long time that i ever update my blog.. last sat.. i went out with my cousin.. we went to HAN's to have our dinner.. after that we went to TCC... lolo :P this is the first time i try out lasgasna(spelling error).. wow.. shiok.. really nice.. i like it a lot.. so cheesy... lalala ... :P after that i accompany my cousin to take train to jurong.. and someone is waiting for me.. hehe.. :p he is complaining that i am always late.. erm.. can says that lah.. everytime i meet him... i am always late.. he is always the one waiting for me.. lalaa... sunday arh... hai~~ stayed at home.. n my aunt brought granny come over to stay with us... again.. i met my cousin.. we share our relationship problems... haha.. erm.. am i in love ??? haha.. if jiefu saw this.. he going to faint.. bcos he says i been crying for the past one week... how can i be in love.... erm.. i also duno.. monday... went back to cartel to work liao lor.. erm.. .not bad.. quite fun.. quite enjoy.. time passes easily.. not like when i doing attachment... i still prefer my part time.. time passes easily lor.. not so bored... tuesday arh.. face the pc whole day and figure out how to use freehand.. hai~~~ it really give me a big problem... today.. i got my result.. i love it so much.. so happy... :P

btw, louis's friend aka my another kor called me up yesterday.. haha.. erm.. tot of having a gathering with him.. so long never met him.. he also told me bonganles changed name already... hai~~ use to be my favourite place wor.. now leh?? erm.. someone also left me 3 weeks le.. so fast... at first a bit not use to it... now get use to it liao... my aunt coming back in 2 weeks time wor... so fast... maybe when i get my pay... going to get something for myself.. hehe.. wat should i get for myself leh... a handphone or baby -G .. lolo....

hai~~~ been working at gain city for the past 11 days.. today i am super shag.. even my boss talking to me.. i also felt like sleeping.. erm.. is really a small company.. but... i need to help out to do database for his customer.. and i am send to his customer pet shop to help out to set up the database for the website for shopping cart.. i will be cooperating with another of my fellow school mates.. hehe.. today is the first day i know her.. i saw her before in school.. erm.. she is a very kind-hearted girl and socialable... while compare to her.. i am still very shy.. i dun really dare much to my boss.. he asked wat.. i answer wat.. erm.. tomorrow is going to be my first day working at the petshop.. i dunno whether it will be disastrous or not.. i need to work there for 12 weeks to complete the attachment and going back to school.. i dunno can tahan or not.. haha.. but got dear.. says he will support me.. hehe.. my relationship with him is on and off... erm... when my friends read this post... they will stunned.. hahaha.. i really duno wat i wants...

11 days at gain city... let me learn a lot of things.. how to handle feelings.. how to control my temper... how to forget him.. how to keep myself busy.. how to improve my relationship.. wow... can u believe that i can learnt so many things.. hahaha.. bcos i am too tired every day to think of other stuffs.. only work and work and sleep.. no time to quarrel.. no time to think... maybe this weekend jio my cousin come out.. ask her for opinion.. erm.. he had been away for almost two weeks liao wor... i scared he dunno how to take care of himself... he is like me.. only child but he is more indepedent.. everything is he take care of me... not i take care of him.. when i got problems.. he always help me solve.. and he seldom says no to me.. when he says no to me.. is when i did something wrong....... i.... duno..

hai~~~ i type out liao.. then press the wrong key.. everything is gone.. so sian to re-type everything out.. these few days i got the urged to update my blog but i did not done it.. haha..

thursday, i wake up dann early which i didn't expected... wednesday is my last paper.. actually wanted to go out to celebrate but in the end.. at home watched tv and sleep... i was very tired and shag... when i opened my eyes on that morning... i saw there is a msg on my hp.. it is from him.. n is only a msg send a few mins ago.. he asked me to take care... i called up him immediately.. he... lied to me again.. he was at the airport.. he didn't want to tell me where he go or when he is coming back.. i didn't feel good at all... tears been dropping down... but i dun think he will know ba.. in the afternoon, i went to malaysia with mother... hai~~~ it was rainy day.. everywhere was flooded.. somemore we dun have any umberalla.. i am stuck in the rain.. we went to city square to shop and eat.. hai~~ after that we went to my aunt's place to take my modem disc.. or else i cannot come online liao.. on my way going there.. i sms disturb poor tian tian who is still revising his studies at NTU.. then asked him send me home... since we are so near only.. hahaha.. :P couldn't believe it.. he agreed.... but i decline the good offer and take bus home.. hahaa..

friday, i went back to GC to work.. hai~~ sian.. but the building is dann beautiful... dunno why this time round.. everything is so different.. so boring.. but time passes quite fast... after that i went to compass point with kaiwong n guoxiong... had my dinner and went to bedok to meet my parents.. end up reaching home at 12..

sat n sun had been a busy day for me to entertain customers and my cashier does not tally.. hai~~~

mon.. so slack till nothing to do.. hai~~~ but luckily everything tally.. at nite i went to yiying's chalet with kaiwong.. lolo.. :P when i reached there.. i looked for joanna and went up to find her immediately.. cos i am not that type of sociable.. so paiseh to see yiying's friend.. therefore ... run fast.. hehee.. so i hide in the room until i saw the guys they all come back liao... we had a crazy nite.. fighting for pillows, blanket, singing mickey mouse song.. haha.. end up 4 plus then sleep.. but jiefu will be angry if he saw this.. cos i told him.. 2 plus i go koonz liao.. hahaha .. :P i wake up at 6 plus to go back home and bath and go to work.. but too bad today i am late for 1 hour.. my collegue lagi more worst than me.. hehee :P heng.. never get scolding...

tomorrow i am having my last paper.. till now i still haven study.. omg... this is wat i can says to myself.. i have been so slack.. hai~ just now i called him.. i was so surprise that he will pick up the phone... he told me he went to collect tickets.. wohoo.. he is leaving on thursday.. will he has the same feeling when last year i leave singapore... yesterday i had a dreamt... i dream of i going to australia again.. haha... maybe it is going to be truth.. i might be leaving sg for a while.. haha.. but it is impossible.. maybe next year ba.. this year work had taken most of my time.... tat time jiefu asked me.... do u know that u like him... haha.. i dunno.. i jus know i dependent on pple a lot.. and i dunno how to differentiate wat is like nor love nor friendship.. jus wants to maintain that simple friendship ba... he always dun believe that i had a bf... erm.. not bf ba.. jus friends around me.. when i started relationship.. it is always ended very fast cos i duno wat i wants.. that's why i rather be your friend forever.. but sometime i like to di siao.. i says i miss him.. hahaa... he is so scared.... lolo... :P i really miss u as a friend.. bcos u been through with me so much.. u had always been lending a ear when i need it the most.. tat time when i went to aus.. i really miss you so much.. the day before i leave.. i wanted to hint you about it.. but... i know u just want to deny it.. i called u before the plane took off... i know u are awake.. u jus dun want to pick up and avoid me... when i came back.. i wanted to call you... bcos it had really bcome a habit of mine.. to talk to you everyday.. you had bcome part of my life... no matter where i am... u will be there for me.. now u had left me.. but memories will accompany to walk through it... n happiness is on the way finding me.. dun worry for me... i might start a relationship soon wor.. hehe.. :P thanks.. my buddy... i miss you..

today mummy help me apply medicine on my injuries... i thought of louis... lolo.. i also dunno why.. maybe he is a sweet bf ba.. kekeke.. last time whn i am with him together.. i dunno how to cherish... lolo.. :P but now he should be leading a much more happier life than me... there is once i went out with him... my hand is full with blue black.. he scold me.. and bring me to watson.. he bought a lot of medicine for me.. no matter is for wat kind of injuries... haha.. he is really dann sweet lor... really miss that period of time we had.... but tat is before i enter poly...

when i entered poly, we broke up... maybe bcos of my childish character or partly abt friends... i met another nice guy too... although he did not actually accompany thru my poly life but at least he willingly to listen to woes... is this considered not bad?? at least he let me dependent on.. haha.. not long ago.. he left... after entering my life for 2 years plus ba...

a few months back, i met another guy... which i also dunno how i feel abt him.. only purely friendship or i like him or i just finding someone to dependent on... i rather had a distance between both of us... than hurting myself again.. i dun even know wat i want now... so i dun dare to ask for too much.. maybe keep as wat we are now will be better... i dun understand wat is love or relationship.. whenever someone is too good to me.. i might have a bit of feelings towards that person but after sometime.. that kind of feelings will disappear.. except towards korkor.. haha... maybe my priorty now is not to differentiate wat is love and wat is like or wat is relationship.. it should STUDYING HARD for tomorrow paper... and not thinking of anything else...

erm.. i had finish one of my paper... 2 more papers to go.. i also temporary leave my job at cartel... soon going back to GC.. haha.. couldn't believe it.. i will be going back there again.. i hope 10 days of working life at there won't be a sad moment.. bcos it might be the last time i will be working there.. after finish my work at GC on the 15.. on the 16 i am going for my attachment.. erm.. i am a bit worry bcos i also dunno where i will be going.. somemore a bit weird.. need to go for interview.. luckily now i still haven received any call from the company but i received from the school liao.. they ask me to be prepare.. diao... i also dunno.. hai~~ this week something unpleasant happened.. i also duno wat to do.. i keep quiet.. wait till she wan to talk abt it.. then we shall see how.. hopefully there is a chance for her... alamak.. i am making myself crazy by working every moment after my exams... today my collegue very sweet.. she sing birthday song to me.. hehe.. erm.. i still prefer to be in siglap.. bcos at least i will be happier.. hai~~~ not really happy at my current work place lor... today kana scolding bcos of nothing.. i am very sure is not i serve lor.. i been working at there for so long liao.. how can i make such a big mistake.. i keep quiet... although i duno at the girl well.. also dun want to says out... hai~~ this is the second time liao.. next time dun want to be so good liao.. says out who did that arh.. dann.. always me kana... i dun have multiple hands sia.. lolo.. :P but anyway i did had my happy moments there too.. is just that siglap is nearer to my house plus much more easier to communicate... n the manager is better.. lolo.. :P forget it.. i haven study for global.. hai~~~ global is killing me.. hai~~ go sleep liao..

hai~~~ almost every post start with erm.. so fast.. it has been a week liao.. i have not been posting any msg every since that nite.... i rushing for my project.. i.... my feeling like a mixture... a moment.. i can feel so happy... in another moment i am down.. i am glad that he did not says i am a pest toward him.. but i also know even though the friendship did not end.. it will still not be the same as past..erm.. bcos of i too ren xing.. i almost lost a gd friend... most of the time bcos of my ren xing.. i lost a lot things which i couldn't find back... hai~~ dun talk abt it liao..

yesterday, i went to work.. suppose to be runner.. but in the end my manager walked towards me.. and ask me to change duties with my friend.. she says dunno how to be host.. i very stunned sia.. cos my friend used to be praise that very good at doing host.. i walked towards and change with her.. but never says anything abt wat my manager says... i keep quiet.. do my job lor... i been walking in and out... my supervisor asked me to stand there arh.. dun walk here and do arh.. i diam diam.. but no choice.. somethings need to do by myself.. cos everyone also very busy.. i paiseh to ask them to help me... my boss came over and talked to me.. he says "Today is much more better than yesterday, it is much more systematically." wow.. i stunned sia.. bcos the queue was dann long.. and i had to handle on my own.. i really diao.... some customer says thank you to me sia.. haha.. this is the first time.. i also quite happy with my performance... and my boss ask me a few question:
1) you started work from wat time?
2) are you feeling tired?
3) the last comment he gave me is "you did a good job... "

wow.. i really dann stunned... he so good.. erm.. even though i dun have the $50 bucks.. i also dun mind.. cos my boss dann caring lor.. my 2 mangers arh.. also not bad... when irene dun scold pple...she is quite kind sia.. today i was so afraid sia.. cos i am late for 6 mins.. when i reached there.. not enough pple.. hai~~ i bcome temporary cashier.. then plus runner... wow... as usual.. such a clumsly pple like me.. dunno wat is called tidy.. my manager helped me to make collar neater... wow.. i was so touch sia.. both my manager did tat do me.. hehee... erm.. so anyway got money or dun have the money also no longer important to me.. as long as they treat me not bad.. bcos i am not so greedy lor.. as long as i did my job can liao.. dun ask for too much.. btw.. i saw gary on sat.. he came to my workplace with his girl girl..

finish talking abt my job... now is abt my personal life... erm.. i want like to thank someone for coming down to fetch me on sat nite.. erm.. i also dunno wat i want.. just feeling very tired.. hoping to make myself to be more independent.. plus stronger.. dun rely on pple so much.. n have a clearer mind of wat i wants.. instead of doing it bcos of "ren xing"..

nowadays super shag... almost everyday sleep less than 2-3 hours of sleep.. now i finally know wat is the toughest period in poly.. erm.. i am so shag in first and second year.. now last year liao.. suddenly feel the stress.. so many projects n tons of works to do..

Projects on Hand now..
1) C# (this coming thursday) - only 20% completed
2) Global supply chain report - 0% completed
3) Citect Report - 0% completed
4) Techno Report - 0 % completed
5) APO Common Test on this coming friday - haven touch at all
6) APO Lab test (next tuesday) - haven touch at all

** all the above means that almost everyday i had to burn midnight oil.. plus this friday i got work also.. hai~~~

nowadays my temper won't be that good.. so pls dun come and try to provoke me.. cause when i get not enough sleep.. i will be very irritated so easily.. that i can't even control myself... erm.. i says sorry first.. if i provoke u..

10th July 04

在幾年前﹐有一位女生在網絡上認識了那一位男生。兩人能在茫茫人海中認識可說是一種緣份。從網絡的交談朋友到至今的好朋友﹐並非是一朝一夕就可以發生的。 兩人之間也一起陪伴着彼此度過許多難可能關。可能是男生對女生那種大哥哥的關懷讓女生永遠都會記上載心。因為女生從來都沒有遇過那麼好一位好的男生﹐無論是在學業‘金錢或精神上﹐男生總是默默地幫助女生。在女生最難過與傷心是﹐他總會聽者她的訴苦與安慰她。她對他真的有那麼心動了﹐可是他們只有純正的友情﹐只要動了真情﹐兩人的有遊友誼就會畫上句號。。。。 那一天女生在一時衝動發了一哲簡訊給男生。。 男生打了電話給她，你是不是大姨媽來阿.. 女生一聲不吭就把電話給掛上了.. 從那天起,兩人的友誼就畫上了一個句號... 時間慢慢的過去了,女生這一時才發現她不能失去他.. 因為他早已成為她心目中的一位非常要好的好朋友.. 一個可以給她依賴與鼓勵的好同堂... 很可惜,她再一時衝動之下毀了所有的一切... 當她開始後悔時,可能已經太過遲了,想再回頭都很難了.....

Hahaha.. i wrote this on 10th of July 04.. When i read it, my tears fall when i am in office..

..... just now talk to korkor... told him abt how my life now.... he ask me to forget everything and move on with wat i had now.. i am quite xinfu liao.. got someone who teng me so much.. why should i keep looking backwards and thinking of everything again.. yesterday saw jiefu msg.... jiefu broke up with jiejie... erm... although i didn't saw wat happened... i know roughly wat happened.... i sms him.. and told him abt the ending... he reply me.. something which i saw... i also dunno how to reply.. i consider that reply as very cold... i got "min" this nickname also bcos of him... aft he started calling min... most pple stop calling my name... they called me min... now as a fresh start.. maybe i should change away my min... wat korkor says... it did hurts a bit.. but as tears keep flowing down... slowly... i guess i won't feel any pain... anyway i landed in a relationship which i also dunno whether is a right thing or a wrong thing...... will i be happy or the ending is going to be like jiejie and jiefu..

3 years ago... i tot tat both were so xinfu.. n maybe will last long... now... everything is gone... and one of them got hurt till so deep... when u really love tat person whole heartedly... in the end... u realise that she/he dun love u at all, just use u as a spare typre.. how would u feel... saw a lot of my friends... been thru relationships but always end with a sad ending... but there is a girl who i admire so much.. Candy... (wahaha.. couldn't believe right) i knew candy thru Louis.. there is a time where three of us wanted to go out together but such a pity.. candy couldn't make it.. i knew her for so long.. before i enter poly till now... she been thru ups and downs in her relationship.. she cried so much but she will never let her bf nor anyone knows how she feel... she kept all her feelings inside her heart... i really admire her a lot... now she found her happiness... i feel so happy for her...

Candy, wo zu fu ni... wo xi huan ni yong yuan duo hui na mei xin fu...

wahahaa.. never tot that i will write out a story abt me sia.. lololo.. :P

i am a very simple girl who really has a simple mind but has a very bad tempered and emotional.. u will never know whether the next second i will be happy, sad or angry.. sometimes i can take joke while there are times i can't take any sarcastic remarks... i can counted myself as very lucky liao.. no illness.. u will never know how much people suffer from illness.. today i watched "ai you ming tian" ... there is a little girl who is only 13 years old.. yet she had contracted cancer... it remind me of my dearest cousin... he been away for almost two months... yet till now.. i still couldn't forget wat had happened... just now when we saw that 13 year old xiao mei mei, mum almost going to cry out, i faster switch to another channel.. sometimes i feel dann hurt in my heart.. but sometimes it is okie for me.... i also dunno.. still very blur sia.. i really scare i will says out the wrong thing... as i am a person who is not at communicating with others.. nor good at words.. erm... not every cancer patient is that lucky... u may had the determination to fight with the illness.. in the end.. u may lose the war... sometimes maybe losing the war will be much more better... at least u won't be feeling so painful...

i considered as very xinfu liao.. always got friends around to help me... there is always people entered my life and left me.. erm.. everytime i will end a page with a tear and start a page with happiness.. haha.. my book is full with happiness and sadness.. but at least i had learn something is to cherish pple around me... bcos it hurts when u lose someone who is close to you..

today i went chinese garden with ying n ester.. but i skip 3 hours of lecture.. hehe.. :P we took a lot of pic... i will post it... when i am free.. lolo.. :P

today i went to work.. today haywire sia.. my manager kana scold by customer till she want to cry.. when she step into the counter... she like crazy sia.. scold us until siao.. i dun even dare to step in.. luckily.. today my money tally... plus she dun need to return the shortage of money on friday.. phew... feel so relieve sia... erm.. this is the first time i felt sympathy for her... this whole week she had a tough time.. almost everyday she is doing full shift.. i work on wednesday, friday and sunday.. she also worked full shift on wednesday, friday and sunday.. today like volcano erupts... really very fierce sia.. but she quite good also.. jus like to act act only...

erm.. me and him.. are friends in the past.. we are also going to be friends from now onwards or in future.. just like good buddies.. i will treat him as a very good buddy i ever had.. thanks buddy.. i know once u start to aviod my calls, there is really an ending in our friendship.... thanks for looking after me, this xiao mei mei, for the past few three years.. if without you, i believe, min won't be that strong.. min will still like a small kid.. cry jus bcos of some little small things..

today dann bad mood that i dun ven want to go work nor go back to sec school to celebrate moon cake festival.. i yearning to go back so much and gather with my friends.. but today everything is gone.. this is such a bad week for me.. at first i lose my thumb drive.. i.. treat as nothing.. then now.. i lose my hp in the cab.. this is the second time i lose my hp.. i......... supper bad mood.. yesterday i went to work.. cashier cashier.. hai~~ encounter shortage of money.. i couldn't believe that i will shortage that much.. hai~~ really want to faint liao.. so many things happen in a such a short time.. i really regret why i wanted to end my friendship with you.. no matter wat happened, you are always at my side.. now i sense i really loss,, i dunno wat to do.. only u will understand how i feel.. i dunno why.. i feel so painful.. at first i tot.. nothing.. i can stand on my own.. i trying very hard to forget u..... but i know i can't.. i lie to u.. tat day i didn't drunk.. i just want to call u...... i dunno why.. maybe this 3 years i had dependent on you so much that i dun even know that.. i am not that strong.. aft tat incident.. i trying very hard to tell myself u must be strong.. u had grown up.. u must look aft your beloved ones... i lose everything..... pple will says only a phone and thunb drive and some money.. wat for like want to die like that.. i lose a very precious friendship and my cousin within 1 month plus.. should i cry? or should i be happy? first week.. i been thru is so hard.. luckily.. ah-han, ester and ah-ying.. they all been thru with me.. and be at my side.. or else i really dunno.. i cry every nite.. let my tears to be with me.. now.. when i am slowly letting go my pain.. i let everything slowly leave me.. in the end... i make a mistake again... i fall down again...

this might be the hardest time for me again.. i had never cry that much... last year when i came back from vacation.. tat is coldest period we ever had... never tot that we will have that again... pple always says that i had feelings in you.. i says no.. it is impossible.. i won't fall in love with you.. and you had gf liao.. but now i believe.. i did slowly getting use that you are at my side.. when i happy or sad.. u are always the first one who i want to share with.. but when tat day.. i went to airport alone... i sat there.. tears dropping now.. i saw plane taking off and landing.. i remembered last year when i went back to australia.. i saw "him"... less than a year.. "he" had already leave us.. before "he" leave i always pray so hard that there will be a miracle to appear.. that you won't had to leave.. in sg.. we can had laugh n fun.. but while in australia.. all of you.. are so sad.. we can't even share the burden with "you".. the leaving of you.. give an impact on us.. i told myself.. no matter wat had happened.. i will take care of everyone around me.. i also know that i had slowly fall in love with someone who treats me like a buddies.. there is no ending.. i decided to end the friendship.. i dun want to feel the pain... i tot i can forget everything within a short period of time.. but i am wrong.. is only such a short period of time.. to me.. it seems like so long..

now.. wat can i do.. try to stronger.. try harder to ferget you.. try to throw away all the past.. no relationship for me..... i am not a cinderella.. waiting for a someone who i love.. i am just a human being who must know how to look after myself and not to let other pple to worry for me.. i like the feeling being pamper as my parents pamper me a lot.. but i know from this minute onward.. i no longer that baby.. i must change to be more strong and look aft pple....... i use to wish that i am cinderella.. but it is only happen in fairy tale...... not in real life.. my life **** now!! from the moments i start to give up.. i know i will regrets.. but there is turning point for me.. is only to carry on to walk without you, my buddy.. till now.. maybe u are the only one who understands me well...

so fast.. going to end of the week liao.. sian.. erm.. actually tat day i didn't drunk.. just tat i want to forget everythings.. so that's why i am drunk.. there are things that i want to forget forever and forever but just that i really dunno why.. it seems like a recorder keeps repeating the same tape again.. is that really hard to forget you.. i call you that day... you are still the same.. it seems like without me bugging you.. you seems to be much more happier.. you deserve a very BIG thank you... thanks, my friend.. u really help me to pull through a lot in my lifes.. but due to my stubborn i decide to let go of this friendship....... sorry.. hope tat you will forgive me for my childish acts and stubborn..plus selfish ba.. i dun want to hurt myself deeper.. i had to stand much more stronger than anyone.. i promise my korkor.. i told him dun worry, i will help him to look aft everyone especially my grandma.. that's wat i can do for him.. and i know.. maybe he leave is good thing.. at least he won't be suffering so much.. i can sense that no matter how far he goes.. he is always at our side to help us.. bcos he love everyone of us..

i miss both of you a lot.. one is so far away from me.. one is so near to me.. yet i dun dare to step nearer to you.. maybe bcos i scare to get hurts and fall down again... do not wish to try the pain again..

yesterday i went out with my friends.. hahaa.. pig and dogs friends.. we went out to orchard to drink starbucks.. aft that we went to lucky plaza to buy perfume... we bought one escada island kiss.. which cost me $49... wowo... me.... declare bankrupt liao.. after that we went to checkerbox to drink wine.. that chou keith and leo.. fly my aeroplane.. hump!!! luckily still got my friend to accompany me go drink..wahahaha... i really a bit drunk.. dunno why also.. nowadays so fan.. hai~~~ when can things solve.. i really dunno... hai~~~ till now.. i pass my three papers... tomorrow is my last results coming out.. it also is my heartache paper.. i very scare for tomorrow paper... hai~~~

erm.. just now aft school.. i went back home.. instead of going to tat t00pid bar tra|n|ng.. but anyway go there also no money take.. only go there get scolding.. wahhaaa.. the day before i am so shag.. i only slept thr33 hours.. i want to tell the whole world tat i bery sian arh.. and sleepy nowadays.. so a bit haywire.. if can dun stay too near me.. later i let u very paiseh.. dun blame me arh..ehehehe...
after work.. went out with my pig and dog friends again.. we went to eat pizzas at rocky master.. aft tat went to coffee club express at orchard.. wah lau.. my ah-jiejie arh.. wait for us for almost half an hour.. when we reached there... she almost want to kill us liao.. the worst thing tat happened today is tat hor.. today i went to work.. when i stepped into the kitchen.. my manager shouted at me liao.. hai~~ i am so sian.. but i still can laugh all the way thru i worked..lolo...:P

back to the topic arh.. erm.. maybe i had really forgotten wat i had really been thru this one month.. my aunt finally called back.. hehehe.. i am so happy... but i dunno wat is their conversation like.. she also sent something back.. i wanted to know wat is that.. but i dun dare to take a look.. cos mummy won't let me see.. hai~~~ no wonder today mummy whole day at home... i guess she is waiting for the postman.. tat's why she never went out.. erm.. i still wanted to go aus at the end of the year.. from young till now.. everyone dote and care for me.. my aunt treats me also very good.. whenever she comes back.. she definitely will buy something for me.. when we go out.. she will ask me wat i wants.. but now.. i cannot do anything.. only can pray for them.. i hope everything is fine for them.. and i leh.. trying my best to forget a friend who i dunno i can forget or not.. hai~~~

GAMBATTE!!! n|t3..

jus now.. i went to starbuCks... to study.. hehee.. but my friend come and disturb me.. cos he need to borrow something from me.. in the end.. he sit there and talk to me for a while.. after tat he went back home.... not long later.. i received a msg from jiefu... hai~~~ wen shi jian qing wei he wu... cos he and jiejie relationship is down.. but... hai~~~ i also dun want to says too much abt it.. maybe after my warehousing.. then i share it out lah.. lolo.. back to someone.... he is so cute.. when he came over and says sorry to me..somemore with action too... this is the first time sia... i really think he is dann cute...lalalaa.... but too bad i dunno him.. hahaa.. even though i know him.. also be friends only.. cos no relationship for me... i already ruined a very gd friendship with my friend.. so now.. for me is to manage my studies and friendship and financial.. control myself not to spend too much money... and go slim down.. lolo.. :P erm.. my studies arh.. i think my 3 papers.. .. i hope that i can pass my papers...

today my mocha frappe really taste very different.. bcos it added a lot of chocolate sauce.. hehee.. i also dunno why leh.. but i feel so happy to see him today.. lalalalaa... :P

hai~~~again.. got 2 pig and dog friends.... called ah han... and ah ying..
ah han always thinking of purn purn..
while ah ying miss her JQ...
hahahaa

35 Questions of your ideal partner.

[1] How well must he/she know u?
erm.. to be frank.. I dun like pple to know me too well especially my boiboi.. lololo.. :P
[2] Does looks counts?
as long as I dun mind lor..
[3] Must he/she have an X-Factor?
Maybe I too stupid liao.. dun understand wat it means..
[4] Drive a car/bike?
Same as my friend, if I really love him… take public transport I also dun mind..
[5] Go clubbing often?
He like to go… then go lor.. if I go with my friends.. he also cannot says anything..
[6] Feel secure with him/her?
Maybe I a bit possessive.. but I really want some secure.. somemore I am like a xiao mei mei.. always cry.. and avoid things..
[7] Good at cracking jokes?
lolo.. hope that he will cheer me up when I am down.. and will be at my side..
[8] Should he/she be always spending all his/her time with u?
he should not spend all his time to me.. bcos to me.. I will spend most of my time with my friends or cousins or family..
[9] Conservative towards you?
Hahaha.. I also dunno
[10] A quick thinker?
Of cos.. then he can knows wat I wants mah…
[11] Should he/she have a good sense of dressing?
As long as he feel comfortable can liao.. dun wish to force pple to do things tat they dun like
[12] Preferbably what kind of hairstyle? Including colour.
erm.. I dunno leh.. bcos I am like a sotong myself.. always let the person who cut my hair decide for me.. ;)
[13] Should he/she be the one making decisions all the time?
No.. if he always make decision.. makes that I had to listen to him all the time
[14] Romantic?
Yesh.. every girl also want their bf to be romantic…
[15] Shy?
erm.. towards me not shy can liao.. wahaha..
[16] Hot-Tempered?
Who wants a hot-tempered to be their bf/gf?
[17] Loud or Quiet?
Erm.. know when to be loud or quiet..
[18] Generous or Stingy?
Wow.. if can..generous better.. lololo.. but is up to him to decide lah..

[19] Kind or Heartless?
Can I ask for a king bf? Or am I being too greedy abt it?
[20] Cute or Sweet?
i want a sweet n caring guy..
[21] Vain or Casual?
Casual.. I want him to be back himself..
[22] Punk or Hipster?
Anything..
[23] Smart or Stupid?
A smart guy.. but with me hor.. dun act to be too smart.. cos I very stupid..
[24] *For guys* Should she wear heavy makeup most of the time?
Hahaha.. dun need heavy make up lah..look very old sia..
[25] *For girls* Must he dress up all the time?
No lah.. why need to dress up all the time..so troublesome
[26] Should he/she pamper u?
of cos lah.. erm.. I am the only child at home.. mummy and daddy pamper me a lot.. or counted as I am very lucky.. a lot of pple pamper when i am young and now also. .hehee :P
[27] Should he/she be open minded when speaking to u?
I dun like guessing game..
[28] Should he/she be well-educated?
Ya lor….
[29] Good Looking+Dumb OR Ugly+Intelligent
Can ask for someone normal looking + not dumb..
[30] Possessive+faithful OR Freedom+unfaithful
I will give him freedom.. so he must give me too.. but also must faithful lah :P
[31] Childish+Caring OR Mature+Ignorant
When is time to be childish.. he must be childish.. when is time to be mature.. he must be mature…
[32] Should you be able to see a future ahead for u 2?
Erm.. I also dunno.. I very scare to says abt future.. bcos I dunno wat I wants..
[33] Do u think this kind of girl/guy exists?
Hahahaa.. I dunno.. if he is here.. I hope he will stays.. if he is not here.. then slowly come lor..
[34] If yes, have u met him/her? && [35] If no, do u think u will be able to meet him/her?
Hahaa.. if he is here.. I hope he will stays.. if he is not here.. then slowly come lor..

today very sian.. went for bar training.. but my yinyang fail sia.. sob sob..hai~~ but it really tastes yucks.. so next time when i doing bar.. pls dun come there.. or else u sure vomit out all the drinks..chou ying and ester.. throw me alone there.. i so lonely.. sob sob.. and they went to enjoy life.. hahaha.. but overall still okie lah.. now i going to sleep liao.. nite everyone...

btw.. it had been exactly one week we having cold war liao..

sian... i fall sick for two days liao..went to see doctor yesterday.. but till now still haven recover.. sian arh.. today still had to go back to my workplace..

wow.. today i had a great day at sentosa although i caught the cold virus.. hehee.. i toook quite a number of pics.. i went to the skytower at sentosa.. it is 131m tall.. from the top there.. u can see whole of sentosa view and tajong pajar port.. lolo.. erm.. i can says it is definitely a great place... i went to silso and palawan beach.. erm.. btw.. when i going back to mainland i saw bulldog sia.. i a bit very stunned.. he came over and says hi to me.. i really blur sia.. somemore my flu really dann bad lor.. i also wondering how come he knows i am working.. he still ask me dun work lah.. i says i need money.. he says i also mah.. but i never work leh.. erm.. i super stunned sia.. when he bcome so good.. or how come nowadays pple ard me keep asking me dun work.. leo even ask me whether i can handle or not.. erm.. only got one person supporting me..

finally i got the time to write my blog.. today worked from 11am to 11pm but in between got 2 hours break.. but very tired and shag.. my legs bcome so wobbly.. dun feel like walking anymore.. but luckily today dad went over to pick me up.. so tat's why i can reach home so early..

yesterday i went to watch cinderella story with ah-ying.. wahaha.. erm.. she seldom spend money sia.. she very thrifty..so shocked when she agreed to watch cinderella with me.. we went to CL but tickets are sold out.. PS also sold out.. in end we end up in Great World City.. luckily.. morning i went cheers to buy sweet and take one today.. or else i dun think i would want to catch it.. it is so tiring.. imagine from CL to PS and to Great world City again.. just to catch one movie... but overall i did enjoy myself a lot.. i like that movie.. erm.. i also want to be cinderella live happily ever after with my bf.. wahaha (it is impossible...) erm... korkor always ask me.. pls lah.. u how old liao..still believe this kind of fairy tales?? actually i did wish it will happen on me.. but i know it will never..i dun want to search for it liao bcos it is no longer impt for me.. i jus hope tat i can cope with my studies and work at the same time.. tat day, when we want to take 195 to marina.. tat bus driver dropped us halfway and went down to chit chat with the mama shop uncle sia.. the whole bus only got both us.. we laughed like crazy.. hahaa...

today is my second day cold war with him.. erm.. it might be very childish to do it in this way.. but.. i also dunno wat to do..been so tiring.. this year happens a lot of things.. i duno whether i should be happy or not.. but aft he had die.. i grown more mature.. i miss him a lot.. although he no longer survive liao.. i will still remember him.. i am not close to him at all.. he might be a stranger to me.. he is always so far from us.. but he is my cousin.. thanks.. i really grown much more stronger than las time.. me and .... friendship game over already.. i finally admitted i like him since the day i went over to aus.. i remember tat day when i was in the airport.. i was waiting for him to call, jus to says a good bye.. i will be very happy abt it.. but no.. he never called.. in the end, is my korkor called.. he helped me a lot in my life.. he pull me up.. he is really a gd friend.... korkor.. u may be shocked when i says i end up my friendship with him.. and might start to worry tat something will happen.. i am no longer tat xiao mei mei who are so weak.. jus end only.. so wat.. i dun want to carry on with him like this.. i really feel very tired.. maybe we should really take a break.. think whether should we be tat close.. or jus leave a gap in between it.. maybe a gap will help us a lot.. and i won't fall for him too.. i also dunno whether will i regret that monday i sms him the truth.. but thanks a lot, my friend.. u really leave me with very sweet memories...

btw.. i got smth to says.. thanks.. kong....... for letting me to dependent on you from now onwards.. haha.. u really can be my third kor.. no no... should be leo be my third korkor and kong be the fourth one.. lololo..
hahahaa... :P

2 days without him..

i wanted to update my blog.. but today i am too tired.. maybe tomorrow ba.. i wondering after doing one whole day of cashier.. will i still had to mood to type it out.. haha.. we shall see tomorrow... :P

wow.. i had not been updating for my blog for so many days.. hehe.. been busy working... erm.. i know i had been looking back at my past.. do i mind my past?? i also dunno.. today i wanted to go starbucks but in the end.. i went to changi airport.. i looked back at my past... wat i had did for the past few years.. from T1 took skytrain to T2.. and back to T1 again.. i think this is how i look at my life..for a moment.. i look at the future, for the next second i went back to my past.. erm.. i finally plucked out my courage to sms him.. maybe i had ruined my friendship with him.. erm.. i dunno whether it is good or not.. or even i had regret it? but maybe tat is one year ago... i like him for so long.. but finally everything had end... so currently.. dun decide to step into any relationship or put in any feelings except put my whole hearted to earn money + maintain my results..

wow.. yesterday i went to work whole day till my toes bcome blue black... sob sob... very painful... plus furthermore.. i cut my hand... hai~~ seems like a very bad day...

today i went PS to watch movie... erm.. something very weird catches my attention.. me and my cousin are watching 4.40pm garfield... we took the life up to level 7... in between.. there is guy go out at level 6B... the five of us inside the lift were feeling chill when we recall about this.. furthermore this month is the hungry ghost month....... we were so scare about it...

the story starts from.. I went to PS to meet my cousin at 4pm.. after that we went to Long John Sliver for lunch... after that we went to carrefore to purchase some snacks.. then we decided to take the lift up bcos it is already 4.30pm.. and the show starts at 4.40pm... erm.. inside the lift.. there are still other people including the both of us.. when it reaches a Level6B, a guy pushes a trolley of orange jucies and went out.... erm.. i saw there are some shops opening too.... so i tot maybe is the LCD display screen in the lift is spolit... that's why, there is an additional B beside the 6... When the door close... the lift only left 5 of us... the uncle was mumbling how come there is a 6B... we didn't really notice that much.. and dun want to bother abt it... the lift stopped again... the door opened.. almost everyone wanted to get out of the life.. but i shouted out.. it is level 6... my cousin walked in again.. plus that two girls.... only that uncle went out the lift.. aft tat incident.. we will really very stunned abt wat had happened... i couldn't really believe my eyes... BTW, Garfield is really a nice movie.. i like it a lot.. but my mind doesn't seems to be with me today.. erm.. inside my mind is all about relationship.. haha.. my life really corked up now.. which i dunno how to handle.. and how am i going to survive it.... erm....... actually i had a crush on a guy for 2 years plus.. he dunno abt it or he acts blur abt it.. i also dun want to care liao.. today i told him that i got a bf.. and he suddenly tells me that he is busy.. and wanted to put down the phone.. then of cos i let him put down.. does it means he got any feelings towards me.. i guess nope ba.. i am jus a girl who looks below average.. how would a guy wants.. erm..i wanted to let go of my feelings.. dun wish to step into any relationship.... getting more n more tired.. i dun wish to return back to those times again.. i would wish to put that all behind and not to bring them with me.. i miss D and L.. but so wat.. they are not going to be in my life again..

lalaala... maybe is childish acts... wanted to find a big hole to hide for a few days nor a few weeks.. but can only available for a few days.. cos 1 more wk later i will be having another 2 more papers... maybe nowadays happened so many things.. i also getting a bit of restless and tired.. dunno who to lend on or talk to....... maybe give myself a few days to do the things i like.. maybe u will see me MIA for a while... dun surprise hor... king kong... if u saw this post... ya lor.. i delete the acc liao.. lolo.. maybe this is my trademark ba... like to run and avoid things.. all of you take care sia...

yesterday nite i went Zouk with my friends to help me ah-jie aka esterling to celebrate her 20th birthday.. wahaha... old liao sia.. 20 liao.. hehe.. last year, we went there to celebrate her birthday.. this year again we went there.. but this time round dun have that ky to fly our aeroplane.. hehee... :P after thAt we went to posh bar.. don't know why.. maybe my friend was drunk.. so a bit too high until siao liao... but i am very sober bcos i didn't drink that much.. when i stepped into Zouk... everything appear in my mind is whether will i meet my ex there or not.. he always like to go on mambo nite.. he likes to dance a lot.. and will the centre of attraction at the dance floor.. therefore.. i never go chiong before with him.. erm.. maybe bcos nowadays are quite down.. so wanted to be there for me and care for me... hahaa.. wanted to find a bf to look after me... but a bit hard... no pple wants.. plus i fall easily in love and get out of it very fast... furthermore i am very good at hurting pple feelings.. so the best to stay single... can enjoy my life......

today i should went excursion with my friends but in the end when i reached there. i decided to go home first bcos i was feeling so unwell.. almost going to faint there.. after that experience i had.. i am so scare..i dun dare to go and see doctor... in case, i going to be admitted to hospital again.. so i went back home to rest.. when i reached home... i was so painful and trying hard to sleep.. erm.. luckily.. he is at my side.. haha.. not my side should be on phone.. i talking to him on phone.. actually we should be having cold war but in the end.. everytime our cold war would not last for more than 2 days...

yesterday i went out to bugis... i bought 2 skirts... but i like it quite a lot.. i went to hospital to visit my friend..this is the first time that i ever stepped into the hospital alone.. i am so scared but i did not express it out.. she seems like much more better.. at least i still not so worry.. last time when D enters hospital.. he expect me to go there and look after him but i never go.. he was so unhappy.. maybe bcos he love me.. he only angry for a while.. lolo.. i miss the time where there is someone always waiting for you and take care of you.. now leh.. i had to take care of myself.. make sure myself won't fall down so easily..

erm... it has been a long time that i ever sit at the void deck there to XxXXxXx .. duno why.. should my mood back to normal or turn worst... hai~~~ imagine it had been two years ago that what had happened... before i enter poly... i went to hospital to visit her before.. and i even accompany her to hospital.. now again.. she is back to hospital.. i wondering maybe i am a jinx.. things happened all in a row.. i wondering what going to happen next.. among all my friends.. 2 of them fall sick... i dunno what will happen tomorrow... i am going to visit her tomorrow.. when i reached there, i saw her lying on the bed... will i cry.. or just be back normally.... remember tat time when i saw Gina in hospital.. lying there motionlessly... i was so scared.. and i burst into tears... i called up.. ks and korkor but both of them never pick up.. in the end... i called up.. ky.. haha... he asked me wat happened.. but i also dunno wat to says.. will i cry tomorrow?? or i will treat as nothing happen?? nowadays my tears been dropping down so often... but i still dun feel numb.. maybe i really want to find a hole to hide liao...

erm.. today went to watch AVP with my friends plus celebrating birthday for two birthday boys.. haha.... Actually within one week.. got four person birthday.. somemore is like one after another one.. while another one is on teacher's day... but today really very shag.. btw.. i saw my SM... she seems very fierce sia.. when she comes... all of us act to be very hardworking.. but once she left.... we no more energy liao...

wow.. after of rushing of two contiunous days of crazy papers.. i finally can relexed liao .. sian.. tomorrow morning still need to work.. i still wondering tomorrow whether am i going out with my friends or i will be staying at home.... i also dunoo.. but nowadays i dun really seems to like to talk so much.. i want to hide at corner and relax for a while... hehe.. if can.. i hope to go oversea where there is a beautiful beach... and stay there for a few days... within these two weeks of holidays.. i am sure i going to relax and let my mind let go of some things which keep persistent reminding myself that i am not happy at all.... sometimes in life.. need to learn how to let go of things....

hai~~~ today my c# arh.. hai~~~ that lecturer says arh.. very wasted and i can do better than this.. alamak... after hearing that.. let me feel so paiseh sia... hai~~~ my global supply chain also a bit hay wire.... answers also very weird.. hai~~ very scared sia.. hoping that i can just pass... today super shag... hai~~ still got one more paper to go....

erm.. although now still very far away from my birthday... i still wish to set this goal.... i hope that this year i will save up enough and go australia at the end of the year before my attachment/project starts... today my feelings really super weird... today is a rainy day... it likes my mood... the raindrops like my tears... falls down so easily.... my friend says.. alamak... u try to turn off the tap lah.. dun cry liao lah... erm... i also wants... but i dunno how to do it... hai~~~

btw... i finally got my wavier.. but i a bit not unhappy with them... i only got one missed call.. but they says they call me several times... dann... wat does it means?? somemore the customer officer i talked to just now not very helpful.. the customer service they provide super lousy... i wondering am i being very bad? always complaint this and that.. but this wat marketing teacher teach mah... i wondering am i being blacklisted in that "ISP provider" but this is the fact that they owed me lor... from FEB till NOW leh.. not last month.. if last month still can forgive.. somemore i pay money... of cos i expect to have good customer service from them plus don't always encounter disconnect.... maybe i should share my experience out...

in 17 of jan, i finally called up the ISP provider. I sign up broadband in sept... it is less than half a year.. i had been facing disconnect frequently... I also wondering what had happened.. somemore last time don't really have knowledge on computer stuffs. whenever my friends transfer data or files to me.. halfway through, it will get disconnected.. sometimes my friends also very fed up.. and says "aiya, send you another day lah".. hai~~ abit very disappointed... then i checked up with my friends, do they face disconnect frequently... all of them answer me... "NO!" So i finally called up and checked with them, they send someone down to do a checking. He says that i need to change my phone line... there is a lot of disruption... He told me is $50.. I says i take in consideration first... The next day, i called up to says that i want to change my phone line.. leading from external to internal... The operator told me $100 if i want to change it on the next day. If i want to change on the day itself is $150 and 2 days later is $50. So i a bit very stunned and unhappy about it.. I wondering how come within a night, the prices changes so fast.. erm.. i couldn't remember how i got it changed... but after that line was install... they send another person down to check again... But the problem does not solve... i called in... they says do line checking for me.... after so many times... in the end, they send another person down again... Alamak.. they still couldn't find any problems.. hai~~~ i tolerate for another 2 weeks... in the end... i think i called up again... tat rude operator... hai~~~i will remember it forever sia.. ask me wat i want her to do... erm..last time i be telephone operator.. i also dun dare to talk customer in this way... in the end, i lodged a complaint.... the manager called me and apologize to me... hai~~~ he promise me that he will give me wavier starting from the day i called in till the day when the problem is solve... and ask me to go down and change modem... hai~~~ finally on the
1 of FEB... my problems solve... but... my wavier didn't appear in my bill... so can it counted as my fault of digging out the past? for this matter, i think is my fault that i didn't check my bill properly... maybe bcos i overlook due to i trust them that they will be responsible and will answer to their customer.. but maybe my judgement is wrong... the problems is only solve when i called in to ask for an investigation.. this really let me feel very disappointed... i change from dial-up to broadband and furthermore i using back the same ISP provider.. In the end, is this the way they treat their loyal customer? if i have a chance to reconsider again, i might choose another ISP provider instead of this... Maybe i won't have to encounter so many unhappy experiences with them... and being blacklisted by them sia...

........ sian.. i dunno wat happened to me... tomorrow is going to have 2 papers of Common Test but till now i still haven study... what is going on with me?? where is my determination... i dunno why.. today when i was in the bus.. tears suddenly falls down my cheek... i act as if nothing had happend.. and fall asleep... last semester.. i struggled through my exams by telling myself i can never give up... in aus.. there is someone who is struggling so hard to survive.. while you leh.. how can u give up hope.. but now... he is gone... i dunno why i am so sad... but i cannot express it out... i feel very painful... everyday seems like wearing a mask.... it is so tiring.. when i reach home... i cannot not cry anymore... cos granny at my house.... how can i cry... and let her sense something is not right.. this sunday, i going to uncle's house... bcos of grandpa's death aniversary... to me.. it seems like to be grandpa and cousin... i really try my best.. i give in to everyone.. i really trying very hard... not to let pple know.. how painful i feel... trying to act mature.. trying to act as if nothing had happened.. who really understand me... i can tell everyone i am fine.. but i know i am lying... this few days.. i went out with my friends... they xXxxxXx.. i also Xxxxxxxx.... but every nite when i reached home.. i sense that someone is beside me... telling me... don't smoke.. it is not good for health.. you promise yourself that you will looking after my grandma... plus everyone in the family... how can u let them disappointed... you are the only child.. u must stand up stronger than anyone in the family.. everyone dote you so much.. dun let them disappointed.... i really hope i won't let you all disappointed... i dunno why... sometimes i wondering is my tears fake.. i cry bcos i wants to gain sympathy... or i really cry from the bottom of my heart.. i feel so painful... can someone tell me what to do....

today went to cut my hair... and went to lao pau sau to eat.. now i feeling super tired ... i guess i going to sleep soon

so sian.. today almost spend whole day with my com.. to deal with stupid virus.. no mood to type liao.. sian.. yesterday talk on phone till 5 ++ ... then the next day 8+ wake up.. till now still haven sleep.. wow.. very sleepy sia.. hai~~~

dunno why... today wanted to sit there to study for next week test.. but in the end.. never touches anything... and dunno why tears going to roll down again soon... hai~~~~ yesterday jiefu told me he went to drink... erm... i got the urge to drink too.. but just that i duno go where to drink or go with who... feel so troubled nowadays.. dunno who can i lean on now... after he had passed away... i keep telling myself that i need to grow up and be much more mature.. i going to look after everyone beside me.. no matter what my cousin says.. i will try my best to says yes... if i can.. i will definitely do it... i really change... i couldn't believe myself.... my uncle also says i grown to be much more mature.. erm.. should i be happy abt it?? but towards my friend.. they still think i am very childish.. if i am given a chance now, i would want to fly to australia... treat as i am giving myself a break without telling anyone.. hoping to keep myself alone... bcos.. i feel so tired to put on a smile face to pple.. when facing any sacastic remarks.. heart feeling so pain.. yet can't express it out.. really very torturing... next sunday, i am going to "pai ji" grandfather.. erm.. i really very scare that it will remind of me what had just happened recently...

i keep telling myself that i won't let anyone of you disappointed again.. if i can't handle my work and my studies at the same time.. most likely, i won't work anymore.. whatever i had promise you all.. i will try my very best to fulfill it.. sorry that i let you disappointed...

hai~~~~i waited for so long.. i still haven received my wavier.. hai~~~~ half a year liao.. .hoping that next week.. they will really give me a reply.. or else after my contract is finish... can consider of changing ISP liao lah.. Customer service attitude.. hai~~~ can ask me " WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO?" Win liao lor.. i consumer call in for help.. in the end, being treated by this way.. you think who will be happy.. really dann idiot.. i wanted an apologize from them... take 2 weeks to solve my problems.. then furthermore pay money to make myself suffer... hai~~~ maybe shortage of a customer to them... is like small case.. but i really couldn't believe it.. i been with them for so long.... i sign up.... internet since 1999... till now.. i been with the company for 5 years... wow.. this year is the worst year that i ever got... they took so long to solve my problems... furthermore they keep asking me to wait.. i don't have that good patience to wait...

1) Waited two weeks to get my connections solve... Within that two weeks... they send 3 people down, done several phone checking and changing of wires...

2) Waited half a year, still did not get my wavier... i wondering did i heard wrongly or a conster talking to me......

3) I called in on Last Friday.. I only get my answer today.. but for this.. i admit it is partly my fault too.. i was so busy and never heard the phone ring... hai~~~

4) Today he asked me whether do i accept if he is going to provide me with 2 weeks of wavier? I asked him no.. Plus the reason he gave me really very lame.. telling me that.. my collegue accidentally close the case, therefore there isn't any rebate given to me.. I was wondering.. everything my fault arh?? U asked me to waited for half a year.. in the end... still got the cheek to tell me such a lame excuse.. i couldn't believe that this is what the management is doing.. Poor management... He asked me what will accept.. I actually do not want to make any comments, planning to see what they will provide me.. But he says you tell me, i try to get it for you... if the management is going to settle, they will at most give me 2 weeks.. I feel very unhappy with the service that they provide to me. Am i a consumer or not??

5) Now... i had to wait for my wavier.. he says that he will call me back and inform me about this matter by next week.. hai~~~ i wondering will i really get an answer by next week.. or i had to wait for another half a year or even longer...

*** take note:::
I am lucky that last time when i requested that i need my bill, there is a customer service officer send me all my bills starting from feb to june.... From there, then i realise how come there is no rebate in my Feb bill... therefore... i called up and make enquires about it...
so next time remember to check your bill monthly, in case what they promise you might not be the truth. Just to coax the consumer.. for eg.. like my case.. waiting and waiting.... hai~~~

hehee... i found back my watch after two hours of searching.. nowadays i enjoy working more.. bcos got click with some of my collegue.. today arh.. waste my time sia.. actually i can knock off at 11pm.. but in the end, i do until closing.. I scare that maybe is wrong schedule again.. so i stay until 12.. when my manager saw me, he asked me " Why you haven go home?"... Hai~~~ make me so sian.. i work until want to sleep liao sia.. erm.. actually there is one of my collegue look like my ex's style sia... but... not suitable for me.. he eat potato.... while i eat rice.. my ang mo standard so lousy.. i also dun really dare to speak in english.... but he very nice + good.. hehee.. also cheer us up..

erm... two weeks later.. i will be changing my work place.. by then, i shall be having my holidays..... but today very stunned.. i saw my cousin-in-law at my workplace.. hehee.. this is the very first time sia...

i lost my watch today.. boring.. sad sad..